After surviving 2016 I made a survival intention for 2017 and it was one word “Balance”. This was my sole intention. I was quite aware my life was lacking balance. At the timme I was studying reactive living and learned that when you live reactively you are in a constant state of chaos or fight or flight and balance seems impossible.
However, by working with my Tribe and disconnecting from my old self, I have found balance. I have also learned that balance is different for each of us. You may look at someone and think they need balance in their life, but maybe for them, they are and feel balanced.
For me, balance is being in a state of calm even in the chaos. As I have learned from my coach training there will always be chaos, especially since we do not control anything other than ourselves. What we can control is how we react to the chaos. So yah, its finding calm amidst the chaos, not feeding into the drama and waiting for that storm to pass. No good comes from chaos.
We all know those people we call “Drama Queens”. They always have some problem, things are always really bad, devastating almost and they are the chronic victim. They don’t call you looking for advice, nor are they open to any, they simply want to discuss their drama and keep it alive. That was me.
Because I was reactively living, I was reacting to each situation as if it was catastrophic, I never worked towards a solution to the problem, I just kept feeding the drama. What an unbalanced way to live. Once I realized my Husband at the time fed into this drama and (he actually created most of it) once our relationship ended I knew I had to get out of this cycle.
So I started my journey to a balanced life. It wasn’t easy but it was so worth it.
Now that its 2018 and I spent an entire year creating balance in my life, I realized that you don’t just achieve it and move on…balance is something that you need to be aware of and work on, forever. Balance is not something you solve and wipe your hands free of. I continuously have to strive to keep my balance. Balance is like yoga, it is such a great feeling when you finally perfect a certain pose and gain your balance to hold it, but if you stopped doing yoga you would eventually be unable to hold that perfect pose. Balance is a skill and something you have to work on forever. I am ok with this.
The universe tests us to see where we are at. Sometimes we are presently surprised by how we handle something and it shows us all the hard work we have been doing has paid off. Other times we are given a lesson that shows us that we haven’t really changed at all. This can be very discouraging but don’t let it be. Let it drive you to keep working so that when the next lesson presents itself you will see just how far you have come.
Before the New Year I started thinking about what my next intention should be, and patience came into my head. This was a no brainer. Just like my life had lacked balance, I, as a person, lack patience.
I grew up in a very hostile household. My father had severe anger issues and a dangerous lack of patience. I must have adopted the lack of patience behavior from him. This has presented itself negatively in my life in more ways than I have time to share.
When we lack patience we rush through things, we demand, we settle, we lose control, we act impulsively. The statement “patience is a virtue” is very true. We hear it, but do we absorb it, understand it and work to achieve it? I didn’t, until now.
When I look back to my past life “troubles” I find that the majority of problems that I had, I created. Yep, this hits you in the face like cold water. My lack of patience, my inability to sit still and let things to just happen or unfold. Nope, I didn’t do that, I made things happen but by forcing things to take place it eventually always backfired into some drama that could have been prevented.
Oh that vicious cycle, I would ultimately create my own issue, feed the drama and then cry victim. This is living reactively.
So now that I have a pretty balanced life, I felt it was time to work on patience. This is exciting to me. I am letting my intuition guide me with this one.
Here are some steps I am going to initially take to achieve more patience:
- Letting go of the notion I have control – surrender
- Actively listen vs. listen to speak
- Take deep breaths before acting on any decision
- Do not react – make a plan
- Don’t feed into the drama – let the drama die out – step back
- Be still – a solution will present itself most of the time
- Ask for help and then let them help – do not be a martyr
- Let go and let things unfold naturally
- Do not settle just to have something
- Just wait…
This is unchartered territory for me but I am very excited about this. I will keep you all posted on how this process is going for me.
The last thing I am going to focus on is actively listening.
Have you ever met those patient people that wait till someone is done speaking, they absorb what the person says and then they speak when its their turn. That is not me. I have always listened to speak. Waiting…waiting…waiting..until the other person is done, not hearing a word they say and then BOOM…my turn. This is not a productive way to have a conversation.
I also cut people off, especially when I think they are wrong. I simply talk over them. Not only is this extremely rude, but because I have not been listening to the other person’s point of view, I am not educated enough to respond and the majority of the time I end up being wrong. I am confident that this will all change when I start working on patience.
Oprah wrote an amazing article on listening. She basically spoke about how her entire life she spoke to be heard but never really listened. After she interviewed with Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis she learned that there is an elegance to silence. Its alluring, calming and puts people at ease. People can sense when a person isn’t engaged and only listening to speak.
There really is power in silence.
My intention is to be balanced, patient and an excellent listener which will benefit me in every single area of my life.
What are your intentions? What are you working on and hoping to change for the better? Would love to read your responses below.