Moksha (Sanskrit: मोक्ष, mokṣa), is a term in Hindu philosophy which refers to various forms of emancipation, liberation, and release. It refers to freedom from saṃsāra, the cycle of death and rebirth.
I needed today to be called something that had deep meaning so I have deemed this day as Moksha. This day means everything to me.
Although my marriage did not end on this day, (it ended two years ago on March 8th) , today…one year ago, I gained my freedom and independence from a very bad man.
Since today is a rebirth of sorts, a celebration of freedom and the death of a cycle, I will celebrate by honoring myself in the best way I know how. I will shower myself with self-love and I will be gentle with myself as I work my way through all the feelings that come up. As you know the best way to deal with emotional pain is to feel it, because great gifts are on the other side of feeling that pain. Today, I will just be with the pain.
The Universe is magical and we need to trust it with every ounce of our being as it truly knows what is best for us. When we listen to the Universe through intuition we really do experience magical results, when we do not listen, catastrophe strikes.
My advice…listen to the Universe when it speaks to you….through gentle messages and nudges and of course…intuition. Sometimes the Universe is even as bold as giving you the answer even when you don’t want to know it. This happened to me.
The Universe performed a Divine Intervention on March 8, 2016 and although it took me a good solid year and a half to understand the meaning of it, today I know why. Believe it or not I am grateful for the struggle. What happened to me broke me open and exposed all my wounds which left me no choice but to fix what was broken inside me. Sometimes it takes looking deep inside yourself to find all the answers that you need to move forward. This is a very painful process but incredibly rewarding.
I am happy to celebrate this day, as one year ago I gained my freedom, my peace, my sanity and my self-esteem back. I lost a lot of “material things” but I truly gained so much more. It is amazing to me what people will fight for. I chose not to fight, but surrender with the trust that everything would be OK and eventually after the dust settled that I would rebuild. I took what I brought into that relationship and nothing more. I threw away what was “ours” and left what was deemed his and I started over. I took nothing with his energy into my new home, and I worked very hard to heal from the emotional damage that was instilled upon me. I was emotionally raped and to heal from that took a whole lot of courage and work.
I took the opportunity to start fresh and build a clean and chaos/drama free life. It took time to get used to a peaceful household without a dark cloud looming. My body was in constant fight or flight for almost 9 years. It took a while for my body to understand it could relax, and it has, finally. I sleep peacefully now. I don’t worry about being cheated on, yelled at, lied to and used. I don’t have smashed drinking glasses, holes in walls and broken chairs. No one is afraid. I can raise my children in peace and know that no one is going to belittle them or ridicule me for how I am raising them. I don’t have to manage someone else’s anxiety and addictions nor do I have to live in constant fear of him leaving. I can just be.
I have gained my self worth back, proven to my kids how strong I am, I have gained humility from the situation and removed any and all people who threaten my self worth and peace from my life. I have evaluated every single area of my world, taken accountability for my actions, healed relationships that needed love and deepened the relationships that matter to me. I have made peace with my parents, I have forgiven my abuser and I have let go of what can no longer hurt me.
I am stronger than I was a year ago and this Journey I am on is a beautiful one.
So, today I celebrate Moshka & I dedicate and commit my future to helping those who too want to be on a better Journey and live the life they were meant to but are too afraid to figure out how. I will help them, somehow, someway.