It feels and smells like it did 9 years ago back when I lived on the lake, the kids were smaller, life was a bit more difficult…but I was settling down into the life I created after my divorce.
Ironic, I am right back where I was 9 years ago…however, I am smarter, stronger the kids are older and I have more financial resources (and life experience) under my belt. Remember I have been through this before. Starting over is all too familiar to me.
Divorce can do a number on your soul but two of them can change your life for better or for worse. From my lens, you have two choices….keep repeating the same mistakes or fix the problem that lies inside you.
As I have said in past writings, the Universe will keep teaching you the same lesson until you learn what you are supposed to and move on.
Can I just tell you, this second time around, despite being in a very toxic, no win situation I was DETERMINED to finally learn my lesson….just to avoid going through this shit again.
You see, its the same lesson over and over, just sometimes you have different players who are part of the game. Yes, its a fucking game. A crazy game where there is no winner, ever.
Actually, let me correct that, the winner is the person that escapes and moves on to a healthy, happier and peaceful life.
I have been given a second chance at this. I feel grateful and I don’t want to waste it. For a while I felt like I had wasted so many years of my life but after focusing and truly working on myself I realized that none of these experiences were a waste of time. On the contrary, they were exactly what they were supposed to be and what I needed. Perfectly orchestrated by the Universe so that I could get to where I am today.
Each day we are given is a gift. I am not just saying this, I believe it. Sometimes people drop into our life and they aren’t always meant to stay…sometimes they pop in to teach us a lesson. Good or bad. This is why they say that attachment is the root of all evil. We are not meant to attach as eventually we will lose that person and if we are attached the loss becomes painful and overwhelming. This is not healthy. We can enjoy someone’s company, we can be happy they are in our lives, we can love them with all our heart but we should not attach to them. Someday you will be without them, either through growing apart, a breakup, divorce or death. You need to know you will be OK without them. Non-attachment is a very hard concept as we are trained from an early age to attach. We form an attachment to our parents, providers, teachers, family members and eventually a love interest or two.
So, with this second chance I have been given I am going to continue on this path of happiness and live in reality. I am going to focus on me, my children, my career and our well being and know that the Universe has my back. When the Universe presents me something….little red flags, the gut feeling I get but used to ignore, or a nudge in a certain direction. I am going to listen! I will no longer put myself last, focus on someone else’s life and not my own and I will never again settle for less than I deserve.
We are all worthy of happiness and we all have the ability to make change and reset our lives. Its scary, painful and overwhelming but well worth it in the end.
A cycle doesn’t ever end until someone puts and end to it. It doesn’t run out of steam and as long as you feed it, it will remain. Its cyclical and never ending but the good news is you don’t have to live that way. There is hope for change and there is always opportunity for a new beginning or a clean slate.
You just have to change your belief system –
- Get out of victim mode
- Stop blaming and start taking accountability
- Want more for yourself; believe in yourself
- Start valuing yourself; start a self love/self care routine and stick to it; and
- Make small changes which eventually lead to bigger changes
Once you start making changes in your life you will see that you are not stuck.
Remember – “Everyday we are born again” – Buddha
love light happiness understanding clarity and change