Infidelity can rock your world and true healing from infidelity is a long hard painful process full of many ups and downs.
I am two years into my healing journey and sometimes the entire experience feels like it was yesterday. The memories are so vivid. A smell, a sound, a song, the weather….can all trigger the feelings I felt when going through my (ex) husband’s affair.
Fortunately, however, I have done the “work” I have needed to do to heal and move past most of the pain. In addition to doing the very hard and almost painful “work”, the use of my coping skills has help me to work through those feelings and triggers when they start to overwhelm me.
After my (ex) husband and I split, I did not immediately get into a relationship, I did not look to others to make me feel better, I did not drink, do drugs, or have sex with strangers in hopes it would take my pain away. I didn’t do anything that would prolong my healing.
What did I do?
Well, I did what any good therapist would tell you to do, I figuratively sat in my shit.
What that mean is I felt EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF PAIN ONE CAN FEEL. I mourned the loss of my husband to this other woman, I mourned the loss of the people I called family, I felt sorry for myself, I let go of those who no longer served me, I took accountability for my actions, my part in his infidelity and the demise of our relationship. I simply worked through every single thing I could so that I could move forward.
This was my healing journey and I am still on it.
So with a clear mind and still a somewhat fragile soul I can honestly tell you, I will never experience infidelity ever again.
How do I know this?
- I will never be in a relationship that is not clearly defined
- I will never love someone more than they love me
- I will never be with someone who does not share the same vision as me
- I will never be vulnerable with someone who does not respect me as a human being with feelings
- I will never be with someone who doesn’t have one nice thing to say about their last relationship, especially if it is the mother of their children
- I will never be with someone who is not emotionally available to me
- I will never be with someone who cannot commit to me, fully
- I will never be with someone until they are free and clear from a relationship and at least partially healed and working on a full recovery
- I will never love someone who is not healthy for me
- I will never be with someone who isn’t fully committed to themselves and their happiness
Life is not easy, and that is OK! If it were easy then what would be the point? The struggle is what teaches us so many things and when we actually learn the lesson, it is then that we can move forward.
Onward with my Journey….