What love isn’t

Every experience we have shapes us into who we are, whether we are conscious of it or not.

If we are lucky enough to share our lives with others, each relationship we enter into impacts us in a myriad of ways.

Even the relationships that are toxic and painful have a lesson to teach us and it is up to us to learn the lesson or continue on with the pattern of dysfunction until (a) we are forced to learn the lesson beyond our will or (b) we never learn it and therefore we never grow.

I have written many articles in the past on toxic relationships, narcissists, emotional and physical abuse, etc. Despite all I have been through and the trauma I have experienced, I have never played the victim. I knew I had a part in all that I have experienced in my life. I eventually stopped to look at the patterns in my life, relationships etc and realized I had control of all of it. I had made the choices that I did which brought me to where I was. I couldn’t blame, I could only take responsibility and make a change.

Those relationships…good, bad or indifferent are what molded me who I am today. Because of them, I love contently and intimately now. I trust my partner wholeheartedly and that is a result of the trust I have in myself and my ability to make good choices.

Through these relationships I learned what love isn’t! Now I am on a journey of discovering what love is.

Life has come full circle for me. I now have the answer’s to most of my “why’s” and I truly understand the purpose of struggle. I embrace every once of pain I have endured strictly because I committed myself to learning this lesson.

The truth is, what love isn’t…is way more powerful than what love is! Ponder that thought.

Love isn’t cruel, exhausting, painful, distrust, power, ego, struggle, jealousy, anger, insults, abuse, lies, cheating, etc. This behavior is a lot of things, but it is certainly not love.

I am learning that love is AMAZING. It is patient, kind, content, safe, intimate, exciting, learning, understanding, silence, calm, and so much more that I have not even discovered yet.

I encourage you not to settle for anything other than love, real love, healthy love, comforting love.

Love yourself enough to be loved by another. Because the truth is, you can’t be loved by another until you love yourself.

So practice self love daily and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.


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