Infidelity can rock your world and turn it upside down. True healing from infidelity is a long hard and painful process full of many ups and downs. When you come out the other side, you truly are a different person. Stronger, smarter and more aware of how fragile your soul can be. You learn that life doesn’t go as you plan and people are not always who you think they are.
Infidelity changes you as a person.
I am three years years away from the entire experience and as crazy as it sounds I am grateful for having gone through it. I remember moments I never thought I would survive, but I did. I never thought the tears would stop, I never thought I would be able to swallow food again. I couldn’t imagine ever being able to forgive. But I have.
I used to wish them death…daily. Now I don’t even think about them.
How did I get here? I did the “work” I needed to do to heal and move past the pain and the feeling of rejection and detestation. In doing the work I developed coping skills which helped me to work through the triggers when they started to overwhelm me. Now, I don’t get those triggers anymore. I have successfully worked through the feelings, the triggers and arrived at a place of acceptance.
How did I get to acceptance?
Well, after my (ex) husband and I split, I did not immediately get into a relationship, I did not look to others to make me feel better, I did not drink, do drugs, or have sex with strangers in hopes it would take my pain away. I didn’t do anything that would prolong my healing.
What did I do?
I did what any good therapist would tell you to do, I figuratively sat in my shit.
What that means is I felt EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF PAIN ONE CAN FEEL. I mourned the loss of my husband to this other woman, I mourned the loss of the people I called family, I felt sorry for myself, I let go of those who no longer served me, I took accountability for my actions, my part in his infidelity and the demise of our relationship. I simply worked through every single thing I could so that I could move forward.
That was my healing journey and I am grateful to have had this amazing experience which allowed me to grow and blossom into the person I am today.
So with a clear mind and still a sacred soul I can honestly tell you, I will never experience infidelity ever again.
How do I know this?
- I will never be in a relationship that is not clearly defined
- I will never love someone more than they love me
- I will never be with someone who does not share the same vision as me
- I will never be vulnerable with someone who does not respect me as a human being with feelings
- I will never be with someone who doesn’t have one nice thing to say about their last relationship, especially if it is the mother of their children
- I will never be with someone who is not emotionally available to me
- I will never be with someone who cannot commit to me, fully
- I will never be with someone until they are free and clear from a relationship
- I will never love someone who is not healthy for me
- I will never be with someone who isn’t fully committed to themselves and their happiness
Life is not easy, and that is OK! If it were easy then what would be the point? The struggle is what teaches us so many things and when we actually learn the lesson, it is then that we can move forward.
Onward with my Journey….
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My goal and whole purpose of my writings and coaching is to help others in a time that people feel the most helpless.