I have read and written a number of articles, blogs, stories, etc. about self – love and self – care. I consider myself a “self proclaimed” expert in this area (as there really is no such thing as a certified expert). What started my journey to self – love and self – care is an all too familiar story of loss, pain and a desperate need for self discovery. Although this was such a painful process in so many ways, it was truly one of the best experiences of my life.
What did I learn?
I learned that this journey is never ending. Once you start – it never stops. Your mind opens to continuous learning and discovery about yourself, others and the world around you…it is truly an endless road to discovery. I love it!
I started the healing process when I was in a very dark place. I had been repeating negative and harmful patterns my entire life and although from the outside I looked like I had it all together – the truth was I was wearing a mask – like so many people do.
I experienced a specific trauma about 3 years ago that forced me to open my eyes to my life, myself, those around me and how I was truly living which was definitely not authentically – and I realized something had to give or I would be repeating these behaviors and making these types of choice for the rest of my life.
I had been living with massive anxiety all my life, I had shallow relationships, I didn’t trust myself or others, I was consumed by jealousy and perfection…it was such an awful place to be. At this point in my life I was ready to remove the mask and find myself.
So the process began….with a lot of fear and even more anxiety. The unknown can be much scarier than anything you are currently dealing with, but I was determined to confront my demons and fix what was broken inside me no matter how long it took (which wasn’t very long in my case because I was so dedicated).
So for anyone who wants to take this journey, I suggest you commit fully, give it more than 100% and know that the outcome and reward is so much greater than anything you are currently experiencing. Do not let fear own, let it drive you! Fear is fabricated, we create it in our minds. It is a boundary and it is senseless. You cannot fully live if you are in fear.
My journey brought me on many different paths….isolation, giving up old friends, going off social media, therapy, Yoga, mindfulness, meditation, coaching, energy healing, mediums, IED, Reiki, you name it, I did it. These things are INCREDIBLE! My advice, be open to anything and the right things will come to you. Never close your mind off to anything.
I loved all of my healing modalities so much I started practicing them…. taking classes, getting certified, etc. I became a certified Spiritual and Life Coach with a specific set of skills which is focused on healing trauma and working with the inner self.
In any event, all of these experiences have taught me so much. The first lesson I learned which was the most important is to accept myself and my past. Every decision I have made has brought me to where I am today and I am grateful. Each experience has been a lesson and from what I learned the Universe will keep bringing you the same lesson over and over until you learn it. So pay attention and learn the lesson so you can move on to the next one.
The Universe will keep bringing you the same lesson over and over until you learn it!
The second lesson is….you are not your past, accept your past and move on from it. Do not ruminate about bad decisions or things you can’t fix or change. Stop focusing on the relationship you lost because truthfully it wasn’t meant to last otherwise it would have.
Focus on the NOW!
Third lesson….every day you are given a gift of a clean slate…because “every day you are born again”. So every single day you wake up….express gratitude that you have been given a new day and a clean slate to start fresh.
Fourth lesson…you are who and what you surround yourself with. You are the Director of your life. Choose the participants wisely. Trust your intuition. Surround yourself with amazing people. Never accept anything less than what makes you feel good. Think before you put yourself in a situation that may be harmful or that might not safe.
Start honoring yourself, read this article on where to begin: https://www.elephantjournal.com/now/ways-to-honor-yourself/
You teach people how to treat you!
Fifth lesson….love yourself first and be confident. The most important character in a person is a healthy confidence, everything else comes after that. What do healthy people look for in a partner and friend? someone who feels good about themselves, someone who is not consumed by drama and someone who respects themselves. Remember like attracts like!
I wrote this article about self love and I am confident it can help anyone struggling to find themselves: https://www.elephantjournal.com/now/how-to-practice-self-love-daily/
Sixth lesson…..get involved in healthy things. Take up a new hobby, work out, learn something new. I find the people that are the unhealthiest do not have any true passions or interests. Start a new project, garden, bike ride, take up fly fishing, go kayaking, blog, paint, golf….the list is endless and there is so much to enjoy out there. These are also great ways to manage anxiety and work through depression. Get moving, get active, get out there, get healthy.
Below is an article I wrote in the Elephant Journal on easing anxiety and stress: https://www.elephantjournal.com/now/5-simple-grounding-exercises-to-ease-anxiety-the-stress-of-daily-life/
These lessons I have shared in this article are just the tip of the iceberg. I have truly learned so much about myself, life and what truly matters. The bottom line is that life is too short to spend it repeating the same senseless habits over and over expecting a different result (that is insanity, right?).
So what is life for me like today? Well, I am balanced, I have amazing coping skills, I have learned what to let go of and where to put my energy. I am a better mother, friend, employee and girlfriend and although there are some rough days – days I am triggered, days where my hormones are raging and things don’t make sense and moments where my insecurity takes over but the good news is I am able to step back, assess where I am at and what my needs are and reset. I think the biggest key to all of this are my strong coping skills. Life happens and there will always be something that upsets us or triggers us. The key is to not let these things consume you.
Our mind can be our biggest enemy and if we can learn to control our thoughts and not let them take over, we can reset and balance ourselves so things don’t spiral. This is where taking space comes in. Know when you need some time for yourself. In that time, when I am feeling overwhelmed, anxious, confused or my mind starts to take over…..I take a step back, go for a walk, garden (love touching the earth when I am anxious), blog, do Yoga or just lay on my mat. This space you take from the moment is a gift to yourself. When I do these things, I tend to be able to ease myself right out of the current issue and move forward.
So this is me, three years later, continuing my journey of loving myself and those around me, deeply and in a healthy way.
If you would like to know more about my journey or create a path for yourself, please go to the Contact Us page and leave me a message. I would be happy to help you.
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