For so long I lived in a fantasy that existed only in my head. Each dysfunctional, emotionally unavailable, troubled and avoidant man brought me the same fantasy. The more troubled, avoidant and addicted the man, the stronger and more realistic my fantasy became.
Its what we are all searching for, right?
Its what we are told we need to feel complete and whole. We search for it, believe it exists and focus solely on finding it. All while we are neglecting ourselves and becoming love avoidants to ourselves.
What happens when you neglect yourself and solely look for something to complete you is you become addicted and obsessed, you feel you are incomplete without that person you are so deeply searching for. You lose all perspective and most of all you lose yourself.
If you don’t know who you are, how can someone love you?
The work I have been doing has been simply incredible. We have been focusing on removing the fantasy, living in reality and focusing on the inner self by doing “soul work”. Yes, its incredibly painful, daunting, and impossible but amazing all at the same time.
Shifting perspective changed everything. How you see the world, a problem, any situation has a direct impact on how you approach it.
Ask yourself, how do you show up in the world?
I can tell you, I showed up negatively, pissed off, traumatized and entitled. For some reason I felt that because I was not given the childhood that I deserved I had the right to walk around lugging around all my baggage feeling entitled because I was wronged.
Newsflash, that is bullshit!
We all have a choice! We all the ability to be anything choose. We can choose to let our past own us and carry the baggage around like a 50lb weight or we can choose to face it and move forward in a healthy direction.
After 47 long ass years of being me I chose to face it and yes it sucks, as I said, but it really has been magical and the outcome is something I cannot even begin to describe to you.
Here is the thing, every single day I make a choice to commit to the work. Every day. I choose to work on my shit, I choose to forgive, I choose to shift perspective, and every single day I choose love!
every single day I choose love!
I choose to love myself, for just being.
I choose to love my kids, just for being.
I choose to love my life, because its the only one I have.
I choose to love my parents, despite the childhood they gave me.
I choose to love those who don’t love me back, because it doesn’t have to be recipricol.
I choose to love the world around me, even though it feels like it is falling apart.
The point is, we have a choice.
So, I am dropping the baggage off and letting go of my anger and entitlement as a result. Forgiveness has been the power that I have held all along that has freed me of this baggage and all my fears.
Packed away in that baggage was all my trauma, my fears, my sadness and anger, abandonment, hurt and sadness. I have been carrying this around as a small child, all the way up till a few months ago. It has been weighing me down, holding me back, but also, and oddly enough, protecting me.
My survival skills were also packed away in that baggage. Survival skills that have made me who I am today. Strong, independent, successful and courageous.
I am told I don’t need these survival skills anymore, therefore dropping my baggage off means I have also let go of my survival skills. At first it seemed scary, but today it feels empowering.
What got me here –
- I built my self worth
- Felt true gratitude
- Focused on my femininity
- Let go of the need to hold on
- Created a support system that held me to task
- I loved, held, and listened to my inner child
- I forgave…
It is possible to choose healthy, if you are ready to let go of your baggage!