I don’t miss you…I want to, but I don’t.
How is it that after two years the only impact you had on my life was negative? How is it that after two years I only walked away with knowing what I don’t want in a relationship vs. what I do?
I guess its because walking away from you empowered me, it gave me the strength I needed to go deep and look inside myself for the why’s of staying, settling and accepting.
Simply said, I had abandoned myself.
Walking away showed me I own my power, I am not just strong, I am deeply powerful!
I learned that although scary, sometimes the unknown is much safer than the expected. You see, you were no different than all the others and for reasons that I have since discovered I felt that you were what I deserved. Emptiness, loneliness, anxiety, fear and unworthiness.
It never felt right and I never felt safe, but because I didn’t realize I deserved a relationship that felt right and safe, I stayed. Until one day I knew that the fear of leaving was nothing compared to the fear and anxiety I felt at the thought of staying. I remember thinking that I can’t spend one more day in this relationship, with this man, feeling how I feel.
One can only stuff their feelings for so long or it comes out somehow, somewhere. Mine came out all over him.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR SAVING ME!
Although I felt broken, I wasn’t. I let that feeling drive me to be better, stronger and never and I mean ever be with someone who made me feel like that ever again.
Love should bring out the best in us and when it ultimately exposes our weaknesses, that love should be strong enough to conquer them and settle them.
Love, real healthy love, should make us feel safe, comforted and supported. Not fairy tale bullshit, but real, full on true love should feel good and right even when things are upside down.
Our wounds shouldn’t be a playground for people, especially the people we love. When our wounds are exposed, our loved ones should help heal them, not put salt in them and cause us pain.
When we love, we should feel safe enough to open up and say…here I am, love me for all of this…and help me to be a better person. Because we can all be better, do better, love better, love harder, love stronger.
I LOVE love, on every single level. Even the loves that have hurt. Dare I say I love those the most because they brought me here.
When I walked away, which took me a very long time to do (in my opinion), my entire life changed in an instant. Although I felt broken, I wasn’t, I was opened up to new things. Doors opened immediately…relationships became stronger, I found forgiveness for myself and others, I gained compassion, my anxiety subsided, I re-entered trauma therapy, my Coaching business took off, my writing got better and I attracted more followers, my work-life became more balanced, my sadness started to deplete and I started to find a much deeper purpose now that I wasn’t so focused on being “all and everything” to someone who didn’t give a shit.
I found ME. I dug deep and wrapped my arms around that beautiful inner child that had never felt loved and protected before and I let her know…no one will ever hurt you again.
Its a beautiful, but not perfect, place to be!