It sounds cliché, but as we struggle with so many life situations, which sometimes for us it means learning how to forge forward during really tough times, it is important to be grounded in who we are and focus on what brings us joy.
I do believe in joy, whatever package that comes in, because life is short and the negative will always be there, so why stay in it.
It can take a lifetime of many and sometimes painful lessons to understand that, although we may be lucky enough to have wonderful people in our lives, the sad reality is that there is no guarantee that they will remain there.
There is a lot of discussion about attachment, non-attachment in particular. I am not exactly on board with the whole “love without attachment” concept, basically because I am not exactly sure its possible. As humans, we are wired to attach, especially women. Our attachment is natural, deep rooted, emotional and usually unconditional. We would have to consciously work tirelessly to not allow ourselves to attach. I don’t see that as realistic.
My true belief is that we need to focus on forming healthy attachments in which we understand that a person is not “ours to keep”, we do not possess them, they have free will to stay or go and the reality is, sometimes, they may just go. The reason might not always make sense and there might not always be a reason. However, the ultimate goal is to be able to handle their departure from your life with grace while understanding the purpose of their existence in your world and what lessons you have learned from them (and visa versa). There is always a purpose and a lesson, although you might not always see it right away.
This is my true and unwavering belief.
Another one of my strong beliefs which is even more important than our attachments to each other is our attachment to ourselves.
Through my healing journey I have had much loss. Some initiated by me, some initiated by others but either way, a loss is a loss. With each loss I have struggled with breaking my attachments. I am sure some can relate…how we hold on to others by reliving the past, constantly.
Anyone who consistently gets caught in the loop of reliving memories and focusing solely on the past understands how difficult it is to move forward and let go of our attachments. It can take years and sometimes, in more extreme situations, we never seem to be able to do it at all.
Mindful presence is missing here!
Over the past 6 years I have learned to break this cycle, despite the fact that those paths are so clearly worn and have definitely been well traveled. It takes an incredible amount of tenacity and work to be able to carve out new pathways and adopt a healthy mindset.
Through this work I have learned so much about myself, and others. I have become more reliant on myself, listening to myself versus seeking and needing advice and validation from others and truly started to love myself in ways that I just never imagined.
Living in the present, being your own best friend, using past experiences as lessons that will catapult you forward to even greater healing, that is the key to internal happiness. When you know you can count on yourself to be happy and safe no matter what happens, no matter who walks out of your life and you don’t have to live in constant anxiety and the abandonment cycle alive. You can end it by being your own best friend and your biggest support system.
One key thing to remember is. We are not abandoned, people come and they go. Some are meant to stay, others are meant to be with us for a certain purpose or time period. Not everyone could possibly stay forever. Would you even want that?
Think about how many times someone left your life but then someone else even more amazing and relative to your current situation entered. We are all here for the same reason, to learn, to grow, to experience, to hurt, to heal.
Take the time to get to know yourself and be your own best friend!