what the f&$k is self love?

I love when people ask me that?  

My response is always the same, its personal to YOU!

My personal definition of self love is awareness, its being kind to yourself, trusting yourself, asking yourself for advice before you run to others.  Its trusting that you will not abandon or neglect yourself. 

Its being incredibly comfortable in your own skin!

I had a client yesterday who said to me “I know my worth”.  Hearing that just totally blew my mind, especially because she said it with full conviction.  

I thought HOLY SHIT!  Do you know how hard it is for people to get there?  

As I listened to this absolutely beautiful girl tell me exactly why she is worthy I couldn’t help but think, my dear, this is exactly what self love is.

Self love is respecting yourself, never putting yourself in a situation that reflects less than.  Its consciously seeing yourself as a precious being that is worthy of everything you attract and bring into you life.

Self love is a practice, a way of life, a way to just “BE“.

That’s self love.

What comes next is always this question, how do I get there.

I admit, that question is not so easy to answer because most of the time humans want a quick fix, an easy answer, something they can “do” to love themselves.

It doesn’t work like that.

When starting from ground zero, self love is a process, a commitment and again, a practice.  We fall, then get back up again and love ourselves harder the next time.  Its that kind of practice.

Its being conscious and present as well as vulnerable and seen.

Self love is accepting yourself “as is”, its admitting your faults and working to mitigate them as best you can.  Its treating yourself the way you expect others to.  Its setting expectations and boundaries around what works for you. Its putting yourself first, knowing that no one else is going to do it.  Its loving every inch of your body despite its imperfections.  Its loving your mind, knowing that you are unique and different from others. 

Its standing out when you know you don’t fit in.  Its writing your own story and not letting others write it for you.  Its respecting yourself so much that you can’t imagine allowing anyone to hurt you, ever.

Its fostering the relationship with that little person that lives inside you that for so long has been craving love, attention, affection and protection. 

Its a place of being vs. doing.

Its a mindset.

Its saying “f&*k off” to anyone who doesn’t bring you joy.

Its drawing in the people who do.

So, the indirect answer is, flip the script, change your mindset, put yourself first, treat yourself kindly and honor that little you.  

Take yourself out on a date, start exercising, eat better, write in your journal, take a bath, have passionate sex with your lover, buy yourself those new shoes, take yourself on a trip, go away for a night, sit in silence and allow yourself to just feel, forgive those who have hurt you and that you have hurt, surround yourself in what you consider “beauty”.  Have a quiet place to just BE.  

Accept and love yourself for exactly how you are, in this moment!

That is self love.

One thought on “what the f&$k is self love?

  1. I loved this! Thank you. I almost lost mine because I work in an industry full of people who hate me when I just enter the room. Literally. And they bullied me and tried to show me my place but I never lost my self love. I struggled but I never became their slave, turned into an animal that I supposedly almost was or was raped. All those things apart from rape was said or insinuated to me plainly. Rape was done mentally. Several times.

    We live in a horrible world where violence is made easy in social media and on the internet. We need people who are not like that working in tech industry.

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