The struggle isn’t real, its perceived, dating can be fun if that is what you choose– self
The dreaded dating app, the one we all download but don’t want to.
We curse ourselves and the app for having to use it but our logical mind says how else will the Universe know what to bring us if we do not take the steps to finding someone. I have to say I agree. There are those people you meet that tell you their amazing story of magic where they were just walking and their perfect partner fell into their space and from that point forward they were never apart. That is so beautiful, but not a guarantee.
What I have been telling myself through all my dating adventures is….this is meant to be happening! I definitely won’t meet someone sitting on my couch and, although I may meet someone when I am out with all my married friends, again, no guarantees. Therefore, I figure I will use dating apps as a means of communication with the Universe so I can share with them what I am looking for and when I am ready for that person I am working so hard to meet.
There is this lovely saying that simply states when you aren’t looking is when love finds you. Ok, another magical story of someone who was not looking and Mr. Perfect walked up to them and the rest is history. Again, that is AMAZING. But another contradiction is that you will only be ready for a relationship when you clearly know what you want. So which one is it, do you know what you want or do you want nothing and it just appears.
What I want to believe and will forge forward with is that its really all about timing. Whether you are online, in a store, walking down the street, whatever….if someone is meant to appear in your life, they will show up. I totally believe it and I will hold on to that piece of truth as my own.
So, as we know, meeting someone is only step one!
This bring us to our steps:
- Date casually and understand that not everyone you date is the “one” and that is OK;
- Let go of the fantasy – get to know him/her for who they are vs. what you want them to be;
- Know your top 3-5 values and stick to them, if they don’t match theirs, move on;
- Go out to have fun, remove any pressures around what it should be and let it just be what is;
- If its a first date, make it short and sweet;
- Let go of the judgment of people and how they exist in this world. You only need to know if they are a fit, if not, move on;
- Accept that people are just people and everyone you meet has a story, just like you;
- Don’t go out with the thought of “will they like me?” instead think “will I like them?”;
- But also know, not everyone will like you and that is ok;
- Never put anyone on a pedestal;
- Know yourself!;
- Know what you are looking for AND capable of;
- Be authentic;
- Listen! Allow someone to tell you who they are!
Understand that failure is a necessary perquisite to success.
Perspective is everything and a positive mindset follows a close second. Sure, as with anything, there will be times you will be disappointed, have dating fatigue and vow never to date again. Ok, go there but don’t stay there. Life isn’t about the destination, its about the journey so embrace this journey to finding yourself as well as your perfect (for you) partner.