How to relieve anxiety without meds by “grounding” or “earthing”

The most important thing about anxiety is to understand what it truly is.

  • Anxiety is fear.
  • Anxiety is lack of control.
  • Anxiety is worry.
  • Anxiety is self created (most of the time).
  • Anxiety can be controlled.

There are different types of anxiety, so I encourage you to educate yourself on the signs and symptoms and type of anxiety that exist. You can visit https://www.anxiety.org/what-is-anxiety to get started.

Anxiety can be felt all over your body, if you do not gain control over your anxiety you can develop panic attacks and eventually a full on panic disorder.

Panic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It causes panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of terror when there is no real danger. You may feel as if you are losing control. You may also have physical symptoms, such as

  • Fast heartbeat
  • Chest or stomach pain
  • Breathing difficulty
  • Weakness or dizziness
  • Sweating
  • Feeling hot or a cold chill
  • Tingly or numb hands

Panic attacks can happen anytime, anywhere, and without warning. One you experience one, you may live in fear of another attack and may avoid places that trigger you into an attack. For some people, fear takes over their lives and they cannot leave their homes and they become a prisoner to their disorder.

Panic disorders are more common in women than men. They usually start during adolescence. Stress is a huge trigger. People can resolve anxiety and almost abolish it, with proper treatment. Therapy can teach you how to recognize the triggers, develop coping skills and change your thinking patterns before they lead to panic. Medicines can also help but should be used as a last resort.

There are many different ways to manage anxiety. I wrote an article a few years ago for the Elephant Journal magazine which was really popular and helped a number of people – click here to read this amazing article!

Taken from this article I provide you with 5 proven techniques to cope with your anxiety without medicine by “grounding” or “earthing”.

Grounding is a technique that brings people back to the present moment when they are in the midst of chaos. Grounding skills can be helpful with managing feelings of intense anxiety and can help people regain their mental focus after a traumatic event or anxiety-induced state.

There are many proven ways to ground yourself. If you are in the midst of an anxiety attack and need to get “grounded,” you can start by counting backward, either in your mind or out loud; this is actually a mental distraction, and therefore, takes the focus off the anxiety.

Another wonderful and successful technique is to look around the room and name what you see: lamp, table, picture of my kids, five pens in a pencil holder, painting with a horse and a tree…whatever it is you see, call it out. This helps ground you in the present moment.

Some grounding techniques are actually referred to as “earthing”—and like the name suggests, you literally become one with the earth by putting your body in direct, uninterrupted contact with the earth. This exercise requires that your skin touch the soil, sand, water, or a conductive surface that is in contact with the earth.

This can be mean dipping your toes in the sand at the beach, walking in nature, going for a hike deep in the forest, swimming in a lake or the ocean, planting seeds (or replanting flowers) and digging in the dirt, or just walking through the grass barefoot. Earthing has a tremendous amount of health benefits—too many to mention in this article, so I empower you to google “earthing” and “grounding.”

Here’s a list of my favorite grounding activities (more than one involves earthing):

1. Walking or hiking.

Walking is the simplest and most effective way to reduce anxiety. Walking at an even pace has a very calming effect. It can evoke mindfulness, clear your head of rapidly cycling thoughts, and release stress. When walking (or hiking) in nature you will feel more relaxed during the walk. You can also take it one step further and meditate while you walk. Walks on the beach are amazingly therapeutic as well. The salt air and calming sound of the ocean is very grounding.

2. Yoga.

Specifically, Hatha yoga, which is the simplest form of asanas (yoga postures) and pranayama (breathing techniques) can be helpful. Yoga is the soul practice of the body, mind, and spirit—and it brings us to a state of mindfulness. This can be done at home, and we can practice for as short or as long a time as we desire. I recommend at least 15 minutes for session length, although 30 minutes is ideal.

3. Gardening.

Nothing connects you to the earth more than gardening. This is a fantastic example of earthing, as your hands are completely immersed in the soil. It’s such a peaceful and mindful art—and one that has so many benefits.

4. Journaling.

This keeps us in a state of mindfulness by helping to remove negative thoughts, as well as organizing those distracting, racing thoughts. Getting your thoughts and ideas down on paper will help you clear your mind and enable you to get to a peaceful state quickly. Organizing your thoughts also helps you to set (and ultimately obtain) goals in a more efficient way.

5. Arts/Crafts/Creativity.

Being creative by using your imagination and putting ideas into action is a very grounding activity that also has a beneficial and tangible outcome.

Whatever practice you choose, immerse yourself in it. Bask in the moment of the activity—and when you find that your mind starts to drift and your thoughts beginning to wander, bring yourself back to the moment.

Feel the earth as you put your hands in the dirt; walk across the grass, or stick your toes in the sand. To ground yourself even further, describe how it feels out loud . Describing it makes it feel extra real.

I love walking barefoot in the grass on a chilly summer morning after it has rained and the grass is wet with dew. The feeling is magical and reminds me of childhood. Remember being a child and running through the sprinkler? Wasn’t that magical?

Even as adults, we can create magical moments that make us feel like children again. We feel the wonderment, the joy, and the peace we felt as kids, when we were riding our bikes and the wind blew through our hair—or doing somersaults on a warm summer day with the sun beaming down on us. How about that moment when you take that first lick of an ice cream cone? Yumm.

Those moments are priceless.

We can have those now, as adults—we just need to create them. We live in a world of chaos and instant gratification, so it takes a commitment to ourselves to take a step back and slow things down, so we can enjoy every single moment—because right now is all we have.

So, I empower you to try at least one of these amazing techniques to help ground you and help you live in each moment as it comes. It isn’t easy…but over time, it will become easier.

Love and happiness always!

Avesha

Fitness Over Forty – get balanced

Hormones got you down?

Feeling like you are on a constant roller coaster?

PMS a thing for you?

Time to try a few things to get you balanced and in a good place, physically and emotionally.

I suffer terribly from PMS – or whatever they call it now. I know my body so well I can predict almost every symptom I am going to feel and when.

It all starts about 10 days before my period is due (although its always late, which I am now able to predict). My symptoms starts with agitation, then some anger, a whole lot of anxiety and then I finish it off with some weeping and sobbing 🙂 Sadly this is not something I can control, the emotions seem to just take over. However, the good news is that I recognize the onset and am able to work through most of these feelings and keep them at bay with the following:

  1. Yoga, Pilates and Barre – mat exercises are literally a cure for PMS bloat and emotional rollercoaster rides. The floor exercises help to bring down inflammation. Belly breathing helps with the anxiety and getting the heart rate pumping with some low impact pilates and barre moves help to get the endorphins kicking. A good session over 20 minutes will bring immediate relief.
  2. Change your diet – cutting back on alcohol, sugar and salt and adding more protein, fruits, and raw veggies can help prevent inflammation and of course…a morning smoothie is a fantastic way to start your day. Adding supplements such as a B Complex, Magnesium and EPO (evening primrose oil) can also reduce PMS symptoms.
  3. Cardio – however you can – do it! Take a walk, bike ride, hike, jog or swim. Cardio gets the heart rate up and kick starts your metabolism as well as your endorphins which help combat the emotional rollercoaster feeling as well as the bloating and fatigue.
  4. Get more sleep – as you start to hit peri-menopause your sleep cycle will starts to change and can even become erratic. It is important that our bodies get a restful nights sleep. Try meditation before bed. Implement a no screentime before bed rule (to avoid mental stimulation) and do not eat or drink anything after 7 pm to avoid your body having to metabolize. In addition, there are many good yoga sequences that help put your body in relaxed state which will prepare you for sleepy time.
  5. Have sex – yep, its true, sex can help with bloating and cramping…look it up!
  6. Reduce your stress – however you can, you must get a handle on your stress level. Don’t take on more than you can handle. Set realistic expectations of yourself and others and take time out of your schedule for YOU and only YOU every day!
  7. Keep a journal which tracks your cycle – this will help you know what to expect and when. This is how you stay sane 🙂

I hope these tips are helpful to you as you navigate your journey to a more balanced life.

Contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com if you would like to set up a coaching session.

Have some of your own tips on how to balance your life a bit? I would love to hear from you below 🙂

Think this info would be helpful to someone else, please share on your social media pages. Spread the word and maybe we will help someone else.

Steps to Clearing Emotional Pain

When you are in a place of healing and know that you have hit a wall, you have worked with a therapist and / or life coach to identify the causes of the issues you are experiencing, you have journaled, meditated and created a self care routine but you still feel like you are stuck … it is time for some emotional clearing.

Emotional Clearing is the practice of bringing awareness to our mental and emotional compulsions and reactions in order to “heal” them or integrate them. The end state of doing this work is Wholeness which is actually a step beyond enlightenment.

For these unresolved emotions to clear, they needs to pass through you. When these past emotions and feelings reemerge, they may lead to sadness, anger, fear, anxiety or depression. If you are feeling these emotions after or while going through an emotional clearing treatment, please rest assured that these feelings are completely normal. Do not try to avoid these feelings or shame yourself for feeling them. The most important thing to do during a healing process is to just let the emotions be. Just sit with the feelings and let them exist.

Please be thoughtful and patient with yourself, these emotions have been trapped and repressed in your subconscious for a long time. They most like stem from your childhood or early adolescence. We know that most people do not leave childhood unscathed. Even if you tell yourself you had a great childhood. There may have been something that affected you in a way where you repressed those emotions so you would not feel them. By pushing away feelings this could lead to emotions and negative feelings being trapped for many years. In extreme cases, these emotions developed into chronic physical symptoms without the bearer knowing it such as anxiety, depression, addiction, compulsion, chronic illness, etc.

It is important to remember we only have this one life and it is a gift. Even if things are hard and you feel you are in a constant emotional struggle, life is a precious gift and we only get one shot at it. We all have the opportunity to live a happy life with purpose. There is so much help and knowledge out there. Things are so different now then in the past. We have so many healing modalities right at our fingertips. Therefore I encourage you to start your healing today.

Emotional clearing is usually successful after a number of “sessions” or “treatments”. Most of these can be done in the privacy of your own home and others should be done by a certified “healing specialist”.

  • Start a yoga practice – yoga can be done at home or at a studio. it is a very versatile practice with so many benefits for our mind body and our spirit (there are specific emotional clearing poses that you should adopt into your yoga practice such as Goddess Pose, Pigeon Pose,Child’s Pose, Downward Dog, Malasana Squat, Legs up a wall or Waterfall Pose, etc.). If you would like to create your own yoga emotional clearing practice from home I encourage you to go to google and search articles about yoga for emotional clearing.
  • Meditation – clearing the mind is just as important as clearing the body. Its important to let go of old data that has lived inside your mind and has misguided you in the wrong direction. Its time to let go of any old thoughts and feelings, especially negative ones and replace them with good and positive thoughts. This can be done in any quiet space in your home. Designate a sacred space where you spend time with yourself.
  • Energy healing massage and / IET or Reiki – it works. This is where you need a licenses healer. I encourage you to research healers in your area.
  • Change your self talk and perspective immediately – this takes a good amount of time because you are basically reprogramming how you think act and speak about yourself. You have spent a lifetime thinking and acting a specific way and now I am asking you to completely change that. This can be done, but it takes time, commitment and dedication to the outcome.

The outcome once you put this practice into place is overwhelming in a good way. The results can be mind blowing. I can say this with pure confidence because I speak from experience. I put this practice into place and it virtually changed every aspect of my life. I once used to walk around with a pit in my stomach (total anxiety), a sleeping disorder, a basic negative outlook on life in general, with shallow friendships, bad/toxic/dangerous relationships with men and a very low sense of self worth.

Today, I am thrilled to say with a mixture of therapy, life coaching, spiritual coaching, yoga, meditation, a HUGE dose of self love and self care and true emotional clearing – I am the best person I can possibly be and each drive I thrive to be that much better. I am happy, calm, I no longer have that pit in my stomach. My friendships are deeper, my love relationship is amazing, my general outlook on life is extremely positive and I LOVE MYSELF!!

I continue to do a self care routine every single day and I treat myself the way I expect others to treat me. I do not allow negativity or drama in my sacred space and I have high expectations of those in my life. Yes, the occasional trigger happens, but I have the tools to work through the feelings and move forward.

There is hope, I promise and I am here to help you if you decide you are ready to take the next step.

Emotional Clearing is a necessary and critical last step to complete healing.

I hope this is helpful to you!

-A

The Key to Happiness Is….

Letting go of the past and not letting it define you. Easier said than done, I know. But if you look at the past as a means of learning and if you don’t allow yourself to live in the past, you can redefine your future and use all the lessons you have learned to do so. How many times have you been in a moment of despair, the depths of sadness and a place of not knowing how to move forward. Then as time ticks on, so does life, it doesn’t stop for your problems or your worries, it just keeps going. Therefore so do you. Then time passes, things get better and maybe you even look back at those times that felt devastating to you and you think wow, I am so happy that happened, I totally get why! This is why you have to….trust that the Universe has your back (see below…Trusting the Universe). The past is just that and it has nothing to offer you except life lessons. Take those lessons and move forward in a positive direction and learn from those mistakes, heartaches and incredibly tough times. Always work towards the future and be mindful of each moment because you will never get that moment back.

Trusting yourself to make decisions that are best for you in any situation. Whether you are looking to change careers, are new to dating, deciding whether to have children or not, changing your household status….these are huge decisions that require much thought and contemplation. Trust yourself, listen to your gut and never ignore a bad feeling. Trusting yourself to do right by yourself if the first step in trusting others.

Trusting the Universe to provide you with what you need. Believe it or not, the Universe is listening to you. There is a saying ….”what you think about you bring about”. This is the truth. What you obsess over, you bring to fruition. So if you don’t want something negative to happen, it is critical that you do not think negative thoughts. When you want something positive to happen then think about it, visualize it, feel it as if it is here and expect it to come because again the Universe is listening.

Trusting that your God has a plan for you because he does. Trust him.

Being creative and even a little silly. We work so hard every day, at work, at home, and at our relationships and a lot of times we end up focusing so much on being productive and getting shit done, that we don’t spend enough time enjoying ourselves. My advice, be spontaneous, hop in your car and go for an overnight trip. Take a class. Go play in the dirt and make a garden. Go out and see a band play. Join a club. Do pottery. Doesn’t matter what you do, just do something that is outside of your “norm”.

Stop thinking so much and relax. We spend so much time thinking and worry about things that will never happen. How many times have you obsessed about and feared the outcome of something and it never came to fruition. You spent countless hours trying to figure out something that you have no control over, when you could just hand it over to the Universe and let it go from your mind. Which brings me to my next suggestion.

Give up controlling everything and everyone. You do not have to know how everything is going to turn out, you do not have to drive every situation to go your way and you do not have to control anyone, ever, not even yourself. Nothing good comes from control.

Breathe – seriously, when you start feeling down, anxious, upset, lonely, miserable etc. just breathe. Sit in a quiet space, close your eyes and breathe. Driving in the car? ok, pull over, close your eyes and breathe. At work? That’s ok, close your office door, sit down at your desk, close your eyes and breathe. My point is, you can be anywhere, it doesn’t matter…just breathe.

Celebrating the little things and appreciating them. Most of the time it is the little things that matter and make the most impact in our lives. So celebrate them and thank the Universe for bringing you these wonderful little gifts of magic.

Setting long term goals can help you to organize your thoughts by getting them out of your head and putting them down on paper or a white board, etc. Setting goals is one of the best ways to obtain the things you want (i.e. house, wedding, boat, car, pay off student loan, change careers etc.)

Patience and respecting the timing of things. Not all things happen on our time table. In fact most things aren’t. The saying “timing is everything” is a thing. It really IS everything. and depending on what you believe in, all things do happen for a reason. Trust the timing.

Mindfulness. This is one of the hardest things for people to do. Mindfulness holds you in the NOW, the HERE, THIS MOMENT. So many people go through life thinking about yesterday and tomorrow and end up missing a fantastic moment because they were not present. Mindfulness brings you into the HERE AND NOW, THIS MOMENT. So next time you are laying in bed with your significant other and your mind starts to wander…say to yourself “be here now” and relish in the moment that you are sharing together..even if its just a cuddle in bed…remember..its the little things.

Being kind to others even if they aren’t kind in return. I know this seems silly and a waste of good energy to be kind to someone who isn’t kind back. But sometimes, not all the time but sometimes you can change a persons mood just by smiling at them or cracking a joke etc. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone into a store and the cashier won’t even look at me and I say “Hi, how are you? how is your day going” and most of the time the cashier will look at me and smile. Sometimes it just takes that one person to brighten your day! You never know what a person is going through….so be mindful of their struggles.

Spending time outside is critical to long term happiness. Nature is knowing to heal people with mental illness. In fact doctors in the Netherlands prescribe nature to people struggling with mental illness such as anxiety disorders and depression.

Exercise is another key to long term health and happiness. Get that body moving and those endorphins pumping. As soon as you start an exercise routine you will feel motivated and excited and as soon as the routine is in place you will start to feel the results of the workout and that will instantly make you happy! How could it not?

Eating well & nourishing your body is along the same lines as exercising. Our bodies need to move. We were not meant to be sedentary. Now don’t say things like…I don’t have time or I can’t afford a gym membership. Everyone has time. Lacking time is the worst excuse EVER in my opinion. If you have time to watch TV, eat, go on Facebook etc. you have time to work out. Can’t afford the gym? take a walk, take a run, go for a hike, do yoga at home. YOU DO NOT NEED A GYM MEMBERSHIP! So go ahead and move that body – start today.

Surrounding yourself with beautiful things – start by making your home an oasis, your oasis. Fill your home with beautiful things. Decorate it with your style. Display photos, fresh flowers, big puffy pillows, soft sensual colors, etc. Whatever your style is…display it and surround yourself with it.

Treating yourself kindly. Buy yourself flowers, take a hot bath, exercise, do yoga, practice meditation, read a book, take a nap, start a blog, take yourself on a date, go on a trip. Just be nice to yourself.

Always being yourself and loving who that is.

How to get a handle on your hormone imbalance

No two hormonal imbalances are the same.

However, a lot of the symptoms and timing of our reactions to our fluctuating hormones are similar so this is one of those situations that although our imbalances may not be exact, our bodies reactions to them are.

Symptoms can include (but are not limited to):

  • Anxiety
  • Sadness (simple or deep)
  • Starvation
  • Anger/Rage
  • Insomnia
  • Night sweats
  • Insecurity
  • Acne
  • Weight gain
  • Tummy and bowel issues
  • And of course irregular and/or painful periods
  • Some if not most of these symptoms can interfere with your every day life.  In most cases, you may only experience these symptoms a few days to a week before your period.  However some women experience them for longer and these symptoms are literally wreaking havoc on their lives.

There is no way, despite what you read on the internet, to get rid of a hormone imbalance completely.  However, you can manage the symptoms by discovering what the imbalance is (hormone test with your OB or Naturopath) and implementing some really strict changes to your every day life.

  1. Diet – you will need to limit your processed foods, cut down on your bad fats and add more “good” fats to your diet. fresh fruits and veggies, leafy greens, organic and grass fed meats and dairy without antibiotics and hormones.
  2. Supplements – Evening Primrose Oil is a God send.  Magnesium.  A good complex B vitamin.  Ginseng.
  3. Change your beauty products – check out Dermastore for some good high quality products.
  4. Collagen smoothie – coconut milk or water, green leafy vegetables, coconut yogurt, banana some peanut butter and you have yourself a very healthy morning snack.
  5. Intermittent fasting – eat for 8 fast for 16 (example:  no food consumption until 9am and no food after 5pm) find a fasting schedule that works for you.
  6. Meditation – this helps with anxiety and monkey mind thinking,
  7. Yoga – helps the body mind and spirit especially during this time.
  8. Cardio – truly any cardio you do will make you feel better whether it is a walk, a run, dancing, power yoga, a cycle class.  Cardio always makes a person feel their best.
  9. Spending time in nature – go for a walk/hike, garden, drive through a forest, snow shoe, cross country ski, get out there.  Nature is Gods medicine.
  10. Take a hot bath with some essential oils and Epsom Salt – this will help ease any cramping you might be having and soothe your mind.
  11. Talk to a doctor about medicine if you are not able to get a handle on things.
  12. Journal  – keep track of your feelings each month and you will start to see a pattern.  So if you feel like you are going crazy, look back at your journal and remind yourself, this is your pattern.

It is important to understand you are not crazy nor are you alone.  Women all around the world are experiencing some form of hormonal issues and it is important to understand why.  Make an appointment with your doctor to rule out anything abnormal and discuss putting together a monthly care plan for you to manage your hormones and start feeling better.

If you would like to discuss this privately please Contact Us

Love light and happy hormones!

Avesha

 

Anxiety

– The only way over it, is through it! –

Anxiety is a fear based emotion and/or feeling.  It is the feeling of a lack of control.  However, it can exist only if we feed it.

We feed anxiety by either by living in the past and wishing for a different outcome or by trying to predict or control the events of our future.

On a very basic level anxiety is a lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe.  A worry of what is to come.  An inability to process and accept the past.  It is the action of trying to prevent a certain outcome by driving it a certain way (not trusting the Universe).    It is a lack of forgiveness of others and Self.

Anxiety = fear

The anecdote for fear is to trust Self and the Universe.  We need to stop trying to control the outcome and allow the magic of the Universe to unfold.  We spend so much time trying to steer the events of our lives and dictate where we think they should go, that we end up missing the magic of where it could lead us.  We need to trust.

Anxiety will not subside on its own.  We must resolve the underlying fear or trauma before the anxiety can start to dissipate.

  1. We must dig deep and explore our past and present Self;
  2. We must let go of what we are trying to forget (but can’t);
  3. We must let go of what we fear to lose;
  4. We must not try to run from it, hide from it, nor should we feed it or mask it and expect it to go away.

We must look at anxiety/fear as if we are holding on to a very short rope.  Holding on to this rope is exhausting, draining and it is emotionally killing us.  However, this fear of letting go of the rope has become our lifeline and a way to avoid the unknown.

Letting go of that rope IS scary, however, letting goes frees you and allows you to BE!

  • Be you
  • Be happy
  • Be free
  • Be strong
  • Be loved
  • Be content
  • Be empowered
  • Be still
  • Be safe

JUST BE!!!

How do you get rid of the anxiety?

Let go of the rope!

  1. have faith – find your spirituality
  2. create a blank slate/fresh start – the life of your dreams
  3. live a clean life
  4. exercise
  5. do the right thing
  6. don’t keep secrets
  7. listen to and trust you intuition
  8. surround yourself with happy people
  9. do not run from your problems
  10. stop self medicating
  11. ask for help
  12. see a counselor/coach/therapist
  13. talk through your fears and issues
  14. feel your feelings
  15. confront childhood trauma
  16. feel – cry – repeat
  17. learn to trust yourself
  18. figure out who YOU are
  19. give up all vices (drugs, alcohol, food)
  20. enjoy the moment for what it is
  21. be in nature
  22. journal your thoughts and feelings
  23. express gratitude
  24. fall in love (with yourself and others)
  25. surround yourself with peace
  26. remove physical and emotional clutter
  27. remove those that are toxic from your life
  28. create a self care routine

Sadly I spent most of my life (starting at a very young age) living in an anxious state.  This is a horrible way to exist.  It wasn’t until I worked through my childhood trauma, abandonment and fears that I started to notice the anxiety lessen until it eventually disappeared.

I also learned coping skills to help me work through those horribly anxious moments (triggers can cause deep anxiety).  Gratefully I am able to reach into my tool belt to find the best tool to ward off the anxiety before it takes over.

Once we accept the concept that we, ourselves, actually feed the anxiety with our very own thoughts (and worry), we are able to work to change our mindset and start focusing on the positive.  Another way to ward of anxiety is to get involved in something you enjoy so you are able to change your mindset before your mind starts taking over with negative thoughts (read Grounding exercises to ease anxiety and the stress of daily life).

If you would like more information on how to work through anxiety or would like to schedule a coaching appointment, please contact us Coaching

Love, light, laughter and peace

Avesha

 

 

 

 

Who are you?

Through the process of self-discovery I realized that I had spent so much time living the way I wanted others to see me that I wasn’t being my true and authentic self. After much time alone in self-discovery mode I have truly found my path on this Journey and it is incredible.

One of the best things that I did was removing myself from all social media (i.e. Facebook, Instagram). In fact this is first thing I require my coaching clients to do. This helps them regain their sense of worth, empowers them to validate themselves and frees up a lot of time that they were spending looking at other people’s lives and comparing their own lives to another’s. This is not healthy.

My advice to everyone who is on a Journey of healing is — GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! Yes, I am yelling 🙂

Once you remove yourself from social media or at least Facebook, you can start to learn who you are and get to know yourself without all of the noise and the constant chaos of social media. You won’t be posting something in hopes of validation that someone “liked” it and disappointment when they don’t. Instead, that validation will come from within. It is critical that you learn to validate yourself and not seek your self worth from others.

It took me a good solid and downright painful year of solitude to figure out who I was, the good and the not so good. I found it to be easier to start with the broken side of me, because that is usually the most obvious and well its the hardest to face and conquer.

I learned very quickly that I was a complete control freak which derived from a severe fear of abandonment. I literally tried to control every single aspect of my life. I knew this needed to change. So I dug deep with a therapist and we started working to heal those childhood wounds. I learned that because of my need for control, I wasn’t even remotely enjoying life I was steering and driving it to go the way I thought it needed to go and missing the beauty of surprise which can be so magical. I was missing all of the magic.

The reality is, it is impossible to control every aspect of our lives, but this is a hard lesson to learn for sure.

I learned many other things about myself which were depressing, interesting, eye opening and confusing all at the same time but I have to say, this Journey of self discovery has been truly amazing. Learning about yourself is cathartic on so many levels and really opens up the doors to healing.

So, after I started working through the “bad” stuff, the positive parts of me surfaced and I have discovered some really neat things about me.

Like….I am more of an introvert than an extrovert, which was highly surprising to me. In the past I always centered myself around people and truly felt I needed people to survive. This is no longer the case. I understand now that it was my intense fear of being alone that drove a more extroverted behavior and not that I was an actual extrovert.

I also learned that I am very creative, intuitive and philosophical a true to form Sagittarius.

As a result of all this work, I really appreciate and even crave my alone/down time so much, I process information differently, I look forward to every moment I spend on my yoga mat and I am actually able to meditate on my own now. I used to think with meditation you had to shut down your brain to the point that no thoughts entered which is impossible and not what is required. Once I got the concept of simply “resting your body and mind” even for 5 minutes, I saw the benefits immediately.

Because of this transition I am a better person. My relationships are stronger and deeper. I have zero tolerance for toxic people and because of this I made a conscious choice to only surround myself with people who I feel good around. Sounds a little selfish, but it isn’t. Life is short and spending it with people who emotionally drain you or continuously take from you is not healthy, for either person. 

Always choose yourself.

The old me used to be busy constantly, planning my weekends in advance and making sure I always had a social function to attend or in the very least, people to spend time with. Now, I value my time so much, that I refuse to plan my life away. Some things are avoidable and there are times you need to plan things in advance. But my weekends are my time and most of the time I don’t know what I want to do until I tackle the day and sometimes I just want to do my own thing with no responsibilities or commitments and I want that flexibility to decide. This is OK!

Through this amazing transformation I have learned who I am as a person, a mother, friend, co-worker, employee and person of society and I truly like who I am. There are things I am working on and things that will not change that I have to accept about myself, but overall I am the healthiest I have ever been. I am grateful to have had this time to find me.

So, I encourage you to ask yourself…who are you? do you like you? and what would you change if you could?

Namaste’

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