Everything is a moment

Nothing is better or worse than this moment because this moment is the only one that truly exists.

As is noted and quoted frequently, “the past is gone and the future has not yet happened” – therefore the only true moment we have is right now, this moment, this second, this experience. Nothing else matters.

So with this knowledge, I empower you to ask yourself –

what is your action?

Are you going to keep living in the past? Are you hoping to bring a certain moment back so you can relive that same experience? or are you desperately hoping for a “re-do” so you can take the knowledge you have been given and with that you can handle a situation differently. (Ahhh wouldn’t that be nice?!)

Are you going to keep trying to control the future by predicting or guiding the outcome in your favor?

OR….

Are you going to focus on experiencing the NOW..not yesterday, last week, tomorrow, 3 weeks from now, next Christmas…you get my point!

Planning ahead for your future is fine, and sometimes necessary but you must leave room for the changes or bumps in the road that may change the course of your Journey.

Don’t get me wrong, you can “plan” for something as if it may happen, but you simply cannot predict or control the outcome and guarantee that it will.

Example:

Your child is born –

In your eyes he is brilliant, a leader, he is going to do great things.

So you plan his future, save for college, as he grows and develops you start putting YOUR ideas about his future into his head and into action about what he SHOULD do with his life.

Well, eventually your child grows up and he becomes his own person with his own purpose, his own likes and passions (or not) and unfortunately they don’t match your dreams and goals that you have for him.

So you become disappointed and frustrated because your child has not followed the path that you have created for him.

Ultimately this brings up feelings for you – rejection, failure, and fear for his future.

This happens because you didn’t leave room for change, you didn’t understand that your child, although he is your flesh and blood, he is not an extension of you. He has his own Journey to follow that may or may not be aligned with your vision for his life.

So the one thing we have to realize is, we have no control over anything.  Life is constantly changing and evolving around us.

Truthfully, I am grateful for this!

Can you imagine a life that didn’t change? What would we learn? How would we grow?

It is experiences, good and bad that shape us and make us into who we are (good and bad). We are never the same person – unless we stop growing.

Have you ever told a story from a long time ago. A story of struggle, a time you weren’t sure you were going to make it, but of course you did, and it made you so much stronger? You tell that story today with so much pride and even a little laughter at the situation thinking “wow, I can’t believe I made it through that!”

I have had some hard hard roads. Some of my experiences nearly broke me. However when I look back at those experiences I am truly grateful for them because they shaped me into the person I am today.

I am much more balanced from all these experiences and I am able to focus and appreciate each and every moment knowing that is all we really have.

This moment!

Empowered Feminine Energy

Learning how to balance your feminine and masculine energy (think ying / yang) is not an easy task, especially in today’s society.

Women are becoming more and more independent by honing in on their masculine energy.  In addition to being focused on their blossoming career they also tend to be in control of their home life.  Carrying much of the responsibilities with regard to children and managing and structuring home life which is run like a well oiled machine.

With women managing so much responsibility and having to be so “in control” they tend to lose their feminine energy and be more connected to their masculine energy.

Feminine Energy is –

  1. intuition
  2. emotions
  3. connection to nature
  4. being in tune with the cycles of life and the seasons
  5. creativity
  6. gives life
  7. attracts
  8. receives
  9. water element
  10. empathy
  11. sensuality
  12. spiritual

So how does a woman learn how to “be” vs. “do”?

How does she let go of control and allow things to happen?

How can she focus and enjoy the experience or the Journey and not focus or try to predict the end result and surrender to the unknown?

Well, she needs to do things that can help bring out and foster her feminine energy and regain balance and the natural flow of this energy.

Those things can include (but are not limited to):

  1. Dance – put on some music, sway to the beat, move around, jump around, do not stay still.  Enjoy the music and you can even sing if your soul desires to do so.
  2. Surround yourself with beauty – feminine colors (like pink, red, or peach), soft fabrics, amazing scents and beautiful sounds.
  3. Allow a day free of plan & just go with the flow.
  4. Foster your creativity:
    1. Crafting
    2. Painting
    3. Gardening
    4. Home decor/improvement
    5. Art
    6. Fashion
    7. Crocheting/knitting/sewing
    8. Writing
  5. Learn about yourself by being sensual – draw yourself a warm bath with Epsom salt and essential oils; burn a candle or two; listen to soft music; read a book; relax and enjoy.  Do anything that stimulates all 5 senses.

When we embrace and nurture our feminine energy we drawn in success (personal and professional), amazing people, and healthy relationships without the hustle and grind of trying to make things happen.

So ask yourself where are you most blocked?

What will you do to discover your feminine energy?

Contact me and let me know if you would like guidance while trying to discover this energy.

Namaste!

How do you start your day?

“Every day we are born again” – Buddha

Over time and by creating daily KeyStone Habits you can learn to transform your life into the one you deserve.  For this, I like to use the term – stepping stones.  Every little step you take brings you one step closer to your new and healthy life.

With stepping stones you literally take each and every day, one step at a time.  It takes self awareness, inspiration, determination and the drive to want to change and the commitment to stay on task (and focused) as you begin your new Journey.  I know, because I have done this work and although there were times I wanted to quit, I am so grateful I didn’t.

It takes 26 days for a habit to become a lifestyle.

There are so many ways to begin making little but impactful changes in your life. Personally I found that starting with a morning routine was the best place to begin my Journey to an emotionally healthy lifestyle.

Thankfully I am a morning person so creating a morning routine was easy as well as exciting for me.  This routine is very important to me as it provides me with much needed structure and it gives me something to look forward to each day as I rise in the morning.  This positive start to my day gets my head in the right place so I am ready to tackle my day with a clear mind and a peaceful soul.

I am grateful for this practice and I continue to alter it to adjust to life’s little changes and challenges.


Below are some”morning ritual” ideas to help you create your own daily practice –

  • Wake up with the sunrise (“early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” – Benjamin Franklin, famously)
  • Drink a glass of room temperature water (with lemon if you can – fantastic liver cleanse)
  • Intermittent fasting
  • Walk the dog / get on the treadmill (I don’t care how cold or hot it is, get that body moving)
  • Make a collagen smoothie – google smoothie recipes for some awesome ideas
  • Brush your teeth, wash your face, give yourself a mini facial or at least a detox scrub (I have some fantastic organic facial recipes to share)
  • Do at least 20 minutes of yoga stretches or if you are feeling bold do a 30 minute power yoga session 🙂
  • Start an exercise routine
  • Make a hot cup of coffee or tea – drink it slow and savor the flavor 🙂
  • Meditate for at least 5 minutes (download the Simple Habit, Calm or HeadSpace app for an easy guided meditation) – or just sit in silence as you drink your tea/coffee/smoothie
  • Practice grounding and earthing
  • Peruse your garden and cut fresh flowers for your home – assuming you have a garden, if not, steal your neighbors flowers and put them in a vase (LOL, kidding, well, kind of)
  • Write in your journal (express your gratitude, set your goals, write down your worries and let them go) – Don’t know how to journal or where to begin?  start here
  • Read your gratitude list out loud and thank the Universe, God, Buddha, whatever you believe in for another beautiful day in this life
  • Take a hot shower and be in the moment (you can also take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender before bed to wash away the day)
  • Get ready for your day (do your hair, put on makeup)
  • Dress to impress (even if you work from home – yoga pants are not pants)
  • If you commute, put on your favorite music or audio book – enjoy the time you have to yourself

Its just as easy and important to create an “evening wind-down ritual” as well (Contact Us for ideas to create your evening ritual).

Until soon!

Namaste

You may be the emotionally unavailable one, here’s why!

We have all dated that person, the one that is never quite ready for a commitment (with you).  They drive you to the brink of insanity and then pull you back with incredible passion that you have never experienced before.  They bring out a side to you that you didn’t know you had in you.  They are truly magical.

They keep you on your toes, as you wait with baited breath for every text, phone call and an eventual date.  Every date is magical…leaving you wanting more and more and when the date is over, its drama city…tears, anxiety, sadness, confusion, wondering when and if you are going to see them again.

They aren’t ready to give themselves up to you, however they have no problem spending all their time with you, having sex with you, sleeping over, eating your food, going on vacation with you, and everything else couples do…without the commitment and -oh  yeah – no monogamy.  They are using you.  Whether its for money, sex, validation, attention, a place to crash, someone to fill their voids, someone who keeps them from being alone (with themselves), a person to chill with until someone better comes along.  Whatever it is they need you are giving it to them and therefore they are using you.

Yet we believe in our souls that if we morph into exactly what they want you us to be, they will love us.  So we spend all our energy on making them happy, trying to make them love us (and they don’t), chasing them when they run and convincing them how amazing we are (they see it, they just don’t care).  Until one day you wake up and grasp that years have gone by and you realize that no matter what you do…they will not love you, they do not want you or what you want (or say you want), and yes, they have been using you.

So…you finally pull away and say you can’t do this anymore, that there is nothing left of your self esteem and you are tired of giving so much of yourself and receiving nothing in return….oh boy, look out….they WILL come back in full force (and this is not a good thing).  They will promise you the world…the stars…their soul…as long as you don’t leave them.   They love you, they will start respecting you more, they will spend more time with you, they realize how much they don’t want to live without you.  Amazing huh?  Wow, this is everything you ever wanted to hear –  you just wanted him to just realize how amazing you are and to see your value, to want you the way you want them.

You are ecstatic, and without any thought process you immediately take them back – with no boundaries in place, no making them prove themselves, no slow ease back into it..just as quickly as he came back after you, you go running back.

Ugh…MISTAKE!

Surprise, nothing has changed.  They were good for a little while, they showed you a little more attention, but ultimately they didn’t change.  Why?  Because people don’t change unless they want to and they can’t without doing the work.  They came running back to you because they just didn’t want to lose their security blanket (yes that is what you were).  You see, they fear abandonment as well.  So as much as they don’t want to commit to you, they don’t want to lose you either.  Its really all just a sad and lonely cycle of avoiding abandonment.

However, the good news is that eventually the cycle does end (if you are lucky) – leaving you exhausted, with them moving on to another person who is just like you (a door mat) –  leaving you in a heap on the floor.  You cry, wish for another day with them, begging God for them to love you, because if they did your life would be complete.  They are what makes life magical and worth living.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

Newsflash!!

They are your mirror, its that simple.  You have played the emotional unavailability dance and its time for the music to stop.  Its time to figure out why you too are emotionally unavailable and more vested in chasing men who don’t want you vs. finding out why you don’t really want them either.

Thankfully it is possible to end this cycle forever, abandon this dance and move towards a healthy and balanced relationship with an emotionally available person but ONLY when YOU become emotionally available yourself.

My dear this isn’t just about them…this is about you too.

So here are some ways to start becoming emotionally available and start healing so you can seek and find a fabulous and stable relationship with someone who is available to you.


  1. Figure out your biggest fears!  What is holding you back? – whether its fear of getting hurt, abandonment (most likely), being vulnerable, fear of engulfment, giving up your own space, whatever it is…identify it.
  2. Once you have identified it, write about it in your journal! – where did this fear come from?  childhood? when did you first notice this fear?  write down every detail in your journal.  once its identified and “out there” its much easier to work towards a resolution.
  3. Finding a resolution – depending on what your fears and issues are you may need to seek a therapist, counselor or life coach to work towards resolving these issues.
  4. Let go of people who have hurt you in the past – understand that getting hurt is a part of life – painful experiences are what teach us our biggest lessons so we can grow and learn to heal those parts of us that are holding on.  let them go and yes, forgive.
  5. Think about your favorite people and write in your journal what you like about each and every one of them –  after you have done this, send each of them a text and let them know you are grateful for their presence in your life.
  6. Next, write down your favorite things about you – for some people this will be an easy exercise and for others this will be very difficult.  this exercise can help you identify how you view yourself – and as you know, how you see yourself is how others see you as well.  what you put out into the Universe is what is coming back to you – full circle.
  7. Let go of your emotional addictions (I call them void fillers) – the over eating, the smoking, too much drinking, drugs, social media, sex, porn etc.  these are not helping you in any way.  learn to sit with your feelings, with yourself and be comfortable with them.  this takes lots of practice, its uncomfortable and surely there will be a lot of tears and moments where you want to give up.  don’t.  learning to sit with your feelings is the biggest step to healing and best way to avoid starting a new cycle of emotional unavailability in another person – just to avoid feeling.
  8. Give your time, money, love and support to others who need it – there are so many people out there who are struggling.  it feels good to help people, in any way, whether its to volunteer, donate money or household items.  this is a great way to show gratitude for what you do have by giving to others that don’t have anything.
  9. Find yourself – you spent countless hours, months and even years catering to someone who didn’t see your value (this is because you don’t see your value).  spend less time trying to find a man or woman to fill your void and validate you and more time figuring  out who you are, what you want from life, and what makes you happy.  when you do this, you will figure out what type of person you should have in your life and no longer will you accept someone who is not right for you, let alone chase them to make them see how great you are.  you won’t need that.
  10. Love yourself – after you figure out who you are, treat yourself well.  treat yourself and love yourself the way you want to be treated and loved.  the saying really is true, how can someone love you and respect you if you don’t respect yourself.  they can’t and they won’t.  once you start loving yourself, it becomes a wonderful and  healthy addiction.  you won’t settle for less.  I promise.

Emotionally unavailability is an invisible shield meant to protect us from hurt.  The sad part is, it doesn’t protect us at all, it makes things worse.

Remove that invisible shield and start working on yourself today.  If you would like to work with a coach to help you on this new Journey of emotional availability, contact us today.

-A

The journey begins….

And so it begins….the transformation of my once broken soul to a strong, confident, happy and balanced person.

I was once a very anxious, scared little girl living inside a grown woman’s body.  I cared so much about what others thought of me, I was terrified of making decisions and although I appeared extremely confident on the outside, my insides would scream at me that I was not good enough.

I still feel that way at times.  Insecure and sad, abandoned and scared.  The difference now is that I honor those feelings instead of trying to push them away.

Navigating through childhood “stuff”, loss of significant people in your life, loss of what you perceived as love, recognizing and dealing with bad choices and their consequences are all very heavy burdens to handle.  Not all of us are equipped with the tools to deal with most of these things.  These are the things that can destroy us internally.

However, through my own Phoenix Process – I have learned that if you feel your feelings and don’t try to push them away you will work through them much faster and most of the time they will pass (if you let them).  Holding on to them can feel like you are protecting yourself, like a shield, but the reality is you are only hurting yourself and prolonging your healing.

If you do everything in your power to avoid feeling your feelings…by drinking, over planning your time, drugs, sex, pornography, clinging to relationships..you are prolonging the entire process of healing and actually making things worse.

It takes time to process feelings and avoiding them doesn’t make them go away, unfortunately they get stored in our subconscious and eventually those thoughts and feelings you are trying to avoid come seeping out….through anxiety, depression, nightmares, anger, however your body wants to process them.  There is NO escaping these thoughts and feelings no matter how much you drink, eat, have sex, etc.  They will always be there.

So my advice is to truly feel your feelings….cry until there are no more tears left…and please know that at some point this period of sadness/anxiety will pass and you will feel so much better as you catapult to the next stage of healing.

It is also important to create new good memories which will ultimately replace the older ones that are stuck in your mind.  We tend to cling to what feels good and forget what hurt us in the past.  I assume this is for survival.  However it is not healthy to hang on to the past and focus only on what felt good, just as its not healthy to ruminate about what hurt you.  There comes a point in time, once we have let our feelings seep in, that we have to let go and move on from the past (good and bad) and focus on what is in front of us.

We truly are the director of our own lives and we do have the ability to construct our lives exactly how we want them to be.  With a little time and effort and some real belief in yourself and the Universe, you can live the life you want…within reason.  Set your expectations to a realistic measure and start making better choices that involve self care and self love.  Remove toxic people from your life, think before you act, do not engage in self fulfilling prophecy’s and focus on how you would like to feel.  Everything is about feelings and how things make us feel.  Love is a feeling, sadness is a feeling, happiness is a feeling.  Construct your life in a way that makes you feel good.

But also understand that you will not be happy every single day of your life.  There will be days you question yourself, your friends, your lover and your choices.  That is ok.  How in the world would we be able to recognize things are good if there was no “bad”.  We wouldn’t.  The bad times are what help us appreciate all the good we have.

Write down (right now) about 10 things in your life that you are grateful for and smile as you write them.  Say each thing out loud and say thank you like 2 or 3 times with true gratitude.

I am personally grateful for so many things…my beautiful children, my peaceful and zen home, yoga, Luke (my beautiful and smart Golden), my friendships, peace, food and water, my career and financial stability, my gardens, the earth/nature, travel, amazing coffee.  The list really and truly is endless.

Everyone can list their lack, the things they don’t have, the things they want, the things they miss, but that just creates more lack.  Focusing on what you do have will help you attract more and more wonderful things, even if they aren’t exactly what you want.  The Universe has an incredible way of providing us what we need.

As a survivor of abandonment and trauma I can tell you that the mind is a very powerful thing and it is actually what gets us into trouble 99% of the time.

We literally create most of our own issues by:

  1. focusing on the past and not whats happening in front of us
  2. ruminating – allowing thoughts to run rapid in our minds
  3. not appreciating the things we have and always creating a feeling of lack
  4. not letting go of anger
  5. not dealing with our issues and letting them fester inside us
  6. loving people that are wrong for us and treat us poorly
  7. not valuing ourselves and putting ourselves first
  8. not practicing self love and care
  9. allowing others to define our worth
  10. giving away our power

We do not have to do this, we can gain control of our thoughts (if not fully, partially) and re-direct them back to a positive and happy thought process.  It takes practice and consistency but through yoga, meditation, mindfulness, earthing and grounding and many other wonderful techniques it can be done.

I am finally at a place where I can fully let go of my negative thoughts just by using my tools that I have learned the past two years.

Being able to do this has totally changed my life and it can change yours.

Feel your feelings, let them in and let them go…

Namaste

 

 

The Process of Healing from “Toxic”

Toxic by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

via daily post: Toxic

I read this fantastic article by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and identified with it completely so I thought I would take the time and write a short blog about healing and what this looks like to me, personally.  To some people who are knee deep in a toxic situation, healing can feel impossible -something that they will never achieve.

Healing is a process.

True healing takes time.  Yes, it is soul wrenching and painful, but you eventually reach a point in your healing, whether it be 6 months down the road or 2 years down the road when you can stop and look at where you are and say…wow,  look how far I have come and it is then that you know, you have reached that point where you would never go back to toxic…it just wouldn’t work for you anymore.

So yes, healing is a process and one that is, as I said, very difficult but it is so worth every tear you shed, every exhausted therapy session and every moment where you think you can’t endure another day…but you do.

I have done this work, I know what true healing from years of toxic means so I have gathered my thoughts this morning and compiled a list of what healing means to me and my hope is that these resonate with you.


Healing Means…

  • Accepting my actions and choices
  • Becoming comfortable with who I am
  • Learning from my mistakes
  • Letting the past go
  • Enjoying the present
  • Forming “my Tribe”
  • Learning to be alone and enjoying it
  • Deciding what I want from life
  • Learning new behaviors
  • Enjoying the peace
  • Forgiving myself and those who have wronged me
  • Ignoring timelines
  • Letting go of judgments (of myself and others)
  • Finding my purpose
  • Learning to love as is (myself and others)
  • Surrounding myself with all that is beautiful & positive

This process has been an amazing Journey for me, one that I would not trade for anything.

So, if you are on the toxic ride and ready to get off please know that having a healthy and happy life apart from “toxic” is not impossible.  When you are ready to commit to a healthier way of living, you can take the small steps that it takes to get there.

If you would like to discuss a plan on how to starting healing from toxic contact us.  I can tell you how to get there.

Remember, we only have this one life…it is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest!

~love~light~healing~

-Avesha

Daily Post: Haul

Via Daily Post: Haul

This Journey I am on has been a very long haul.  My commitment to healing past wounds from childhood to today has given a new meaning to the word healing.

~Healing begins from within~

ron-smith-372792-unsplash

I was tired of filling voids and living my life from a place of fear.  Trying to control my environment hoping that I could keep myself safe as long as I was the gatekeeper to my own soul.  

Life doesn’t work that way.  We really control nothing but our own thoughts.  The Universe steps in, takes over and teaches us lessons that we really need to learn the first time because if we don’t….the lessons gets more difficult each time.

So, although healing from anything is a very long haul, the end result is a beautiful and peaceful life that no one can explain to you or lay out for you.  You have to trust the process, follow your own journey and create your own path and discover who you are in the process.

The haul is worth it.

Namaste