Daily Post: Toxic

via Daily Post:Toxic

What’s toxic…let’s see….there is toxic food, toxic (poisonous) chemicals, and of course, my favorite thing to avoid, toxic people.

People can be super toxic, especially emotional vampires so beware and know that you do not have to tolerate toxic people or toxic behaviors.

There is a way around toxic, avoidance.  Run, fast and far from toxic people.  Hide from them.  Do what you have to, but do not engage with toxic, there is no benefit.

Namaste

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

8 Critical Tips for Self-Love and Healing

I know what you are thinking, what is self-love and where do I even begin.

If you Google self-love there will be many articles and blogs that will help you on this topic.  I have read every single one of them, ok maybe not every single one, and now I am a self proclaimed expert on the topic.

We read it, we hear about it and everyone says it...you can’t experience true love and vulnerability until you love yourself.  On the outside so many of us appear to be happy and love ourselves.  However, deep down we struggle with anxiety, we lack a sense of purpose, maybe even suffer from a bit of sadness.  As a result a number of us look to outside sources for comfort or validation.  We live our lives through our children, we focus on our husbands and our families, we over-eat, drink too much, exercise too much, work too much, or we do just the opposite and can’t get out of or own way.

Outside perceptions are not always our reality. I know in my life, looking in the window from the front porch everything appeared “pretty”.  Reality is, that was so far from the truth.  We all have our story and we all know our “truths”.

Self-love for me came after an extremely traumatic event.  Everyone consoling me would say “you have to take care of yourself” or “you need to love yourself” and I had no idea what any of this meant.  Once I discovered the true meaning of self-love I couldn’t believe how I was living in my previous life.  I would say I was functioning but not living.

Self-love takes work.  It is beyond getting your hair done, a nice pedicure and good clothes.  It is beyond what you post on Facebook (GET OFF FACEBOOK if you want to be truly happy).  Self-love is truly getting to know yourself, discovering who you are, honoring that person and always putting that person first above all else, yes even your husband and children.  If you are not living as your highest self, what good are you to those who need and love you.

I encourage you to read some of my older blogs that will give you ideas on how to create a morning or an evening ritual which is such an important catalyst to self-love and living your as your Highest Self.


Below are some tips on how to start loving yourself, today!

Start by honoring who you are today and where you are at this moment. 

Maybe you have anxiety, are suffering from depression, are unhappy at your job, have family life stressors, aren’t happy with your appearance or your marriage.  Wherever you are in your life right now….honor it knowing that with each and every day you have the opportunity to make a change.  Buddha says “every day we are born again”.  What a beautiful concept.

Evaluate where you find your worth and where you look for validation. 

Do you look to external sources – do you thrive off the attention you receive from other people? – does your productivity or your accomplishments define you? – are you a people pleaser?  Self-love comes from validating and pleasing yourself.  If you are always looking for someone else to validate you, you will be continuously spinning on a wheel seeking validation and will feel empty until you receive it.  That love, that feeling of accomplishment, the ability to soothe yourself during a tough time, comes from you.

Know, right now, no matter what you are going through, that you are enough! 

You have everything in you to be enough!

Be kind to yourself, your body and your soul! 

Watch the words you use when you talk to yourself or about yourself.

Exercise:  grab your journal and describe yourself as if you were describing a friend of yours.  Don’t focus or plan what to write, just grab your journal and a pen and start writing and see what comes out.  Are you mostly positive or negative?  Remember how you view yourself is what you are putting out into the Universe.  You will find from this exercise what you need to change with regard to your own beliefs about yourself.

Practice things that bring out your inner calm. 

Gardening, yoga, journaling, blogging, cooking, crafting, singing, meditation.  Your mind and soul need a break from our every day circus.  Soothe yourself with a calming activity.

Allow yourself to heal. 

We all have a story and unfortunately its not always a pretty one.  If you have dealt with any sort of trauma (death, divorce, illness, family dysfunction, childhood “stuff”) and have never really dealt with it.  I encourage you to allow yourself to heal and to forgive yourself and those who have hurt you.  There is nothing more freeing than letting go of the bond that ties you to your trauma.

Let it go. 

Whatever you are holding on to that is no longer serving you, let it go.

My strongest advice is to start a morning/evening self-care ritual. 

See How do you start your day? for ideas.


Commit to self-love and your life with start to change.  Keystone Habits are also a must and we will talk about this in my next blog.

Grab your Journal, put todays date on it and enjoy your Journey to self-love.

Until soon!

Namaste’

Life with a Narcassist

What seemed like a perfect story book romance – two childhood best friends reuniting and forming a beautiful bond and eventually getting married – (with many red flags which I ignored) ended up being a complete nightmare for every single person involved.  It took me years to figure out what the issue was.  There was clearly addiction – check,  for sure mental illness – check, some PTSD ok we can go there – check…but at the end of the day none of those issues were the root cause of what was going on in our “cycle”, there was more.  It wasn’t until the final straw that broke the camels back that I started to figure it out.

It was severe narcissism.  

I had NO idea what narcissism was.  I had heard the term and had even heard him use it to describe his ex-wife, but in no way did I have any idea how bad of a thing it was/is and that I was living and married to the most dangerous narcissist that could possibly exist (ok maybe not the most dangerous but close and definitely in my world he is).

It was only then that my healing began.

It has been a very long, deep-dark and painful road to healing and recovery.  Thank God there is so much information out there for one to research and read because it really does help.

My two favorite forums for narcissistic recovery are:

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

https://letmereach.com/

Let me tell you, during my “withdraw” stage I read and joined every single article and forum out there trying to figure out how to get out of the hell I was living.  I also learned I did not want to end up like a lot of the women in that forum.  So many of those women are broken, with no options (emotionally or financially) and have to stay for many reasons whether it be fear, children, finances, health etc.  Thankfully we had no children together, I have my own career and income and I had my own resources and support network so I had options and every single day of my life I am grateful for that.

I vowed to myself once I got through the healing process and graduated trauma therapy  I would dedicate myself to helping others.  There are so many resources out there which help you identify what narcissism is, when you are being abused, and what you should do (GET THE HELL OUT), but I recognized that there are few resources that help the people who have little options like little to no financial resources, no support system, health issues, etc.  Some are so beaten down that they don’t have the energy or the motivation to fight for a healthier life.  They are so riddled with fear and abandonment that even if they have the financial means to leave they don’t.

My goal is to empower these women to help themselves to become strong enough to leave.  I want them to walk out that door knowing they are taking care of themselves (and their children) and setting an example for all women out there that this type of abuse will no longer be tolerated.

These women need support and guidance.  They need to know the basics, where to start, how to gain their confidence and esteem back, how to fix their financial situation, how to prepare their children, where to begin with their journey of self-love and healing and most of all how to keep the fear at bay so they won’t return to the cycle of abuse.

If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you are not alone.  If you know someone in this situation, you can support them and encourage them to get help.

Contact me for an initial consultation to create a healing plan so we can get you on your Journey to a healthier life.

No one has to live with Narcissistic abuse.

Namaste’

 

 

 

Every day is not a happy one

There are going to be those days when you wake up and question everything.  Where you are angry at the Universe for whatever didn’t go right in your life or whatever expectations didn’t happen. It’s ok.

Moments when you cry while getting ready for work, or barely make it through a sentence without tearing up when talking to your friend or co-worker.  Don’t push the tears away….embrace them.

Times when you just can’t see the positive or don’t want to and looking forward seem so bleek.

Go with it and feel it because this is normal.  This IS feeling.

Even if your life is going great and you are blessed with a great job, a beautiful home, an amazing husband, kids, whatever your life has given you……you can still have a down day or two – do not feel guilty – do not push away the feelings.

A day when you question everything and everyone in your life.  A day when you can’t stand even your closest friends and you barely make it through the workday without snapping.

Completely normal.

It is normal to question things, get bored, look at life and say…what the fuck is the point!

Just know tomorrow, or the next day, most likely will be different.

So when you are feeling bored, discontent, sad or angry at life…go with it and feel it because I guarantee something will come out of it.  There is always a lesson.

Treat yourself to something amazing, a bowl of your favorite ice cream, buy something on Wayfair, take a bubble bath, make some green tea and journal, do an extra yoga session, call a friend and tell her what you are feeling.  Whatever you do, do it with love for yourself.

Remember, we are not expected to be happy all of the time, its life.  Life is a series of ups and downs.  The downs make us appreciate the ups!

However if you find you are sad more than you are happy and you can’t seem to get out of your “funk”.  Then you may want to look deeper into what is causing you to feel this way.  Work with a trusted friend, therapist or life coach to explore what you are feeling and how to resolve it.  Remember life is meant to be a Journey of lessons and exploration.  The hard roads really do bring us to the best destinations but we do not have to suffer either.  If this seems more like a hard life than a hard and bumpy road, then I urge you to seek comfort in someone.

If you would like to set up a one on one coaching session please contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com

Namaste’