Things to do while you are single..

I have always been in long term relationships or at least long term dating.  I grew up in a dysfunctional home therefore I had no concept of what a “healthy relationship” was, I just knew I was happiest when I was in a relationship, even if it wasn’t good for me.

I used to call myself a serial monogamous.  If I met someone and we started dating that was it for me, we were a couple.  Instead of taking the time to get to know someone and even date (not sleep with) multiple people at a time to determine what type of person is right for me, I just went 100mph into a long term relationship, even marriage..twice.

I missed and even ignored many red flags, my favorite men were the “emotionally unavailable ones” that allowed me to chase them.  I fought for relationships that any healthy person would have let go of way before the relationship began.  I was always the person that saw the potential but not the actual person.  To me, all this was worth it because it was better than being single.  You see, being in a relationship defined me.  I felt less than if I wasn’t partnered up.

So, two failed marriages later…one of them quite toxic, I decided after my second divorce to stay single until I was truly ready for a healthy relationship.  I can tell you its like anything else, in the beginning it feels lonely and dreadful.  However, over time something magical happened……. I started focusing on myself.   All that energy I spent focusing on a partner, all that energy I used trying to establish my place in relationships or trying to make my partner happy (even when I knew it was impossible) I started using on myself.  I would rely on myself to make decisions, I started taking better care of myself (yoga, morning facials, meditation, hot baths, eating better), I started focusing on the things I liked vs. what I thought he liked, I started reading and writing in my journal daily.  Through this Journey I am getting to know me and through this experience I am learning that I have been in the wrong relationships my entire life.  These lessons I have experienced with these breaks up pushed me to stay true to myself, work on myself and learn who I am.  What I like, what I don’t and what I really want from myself, life, and a relationship.

I have discovered there is no timeline for anything in life, especially healing.  I am so grateful for this time with myself as it has allowed me to know me and I really like who I am, who I am becoming and I am so excited for this next phase in my life.


Below is a list of things that I think are crucial to do while you are single:

  1. Find yourself
  2. Remove unhealthy people from your life
  3. Invite new people into your life
  4. Reconnect with old friends
  5. Spend time with happily married people
  6. Get in shape
  7. Travel, solo
  8. Take yourself out to dinner at least once
  9. Reclaim your virginity
  10. Learn something new
  11. Take a class
  12. Start therapy
  13. Find a LifeCoach
  14. Get healthy (start a personal wellness plan)
  15. Meditate
  16. Read, all the time
  17. Binge watch Netflix
  18. Figure out what you want in a person and journal it, often
  19. Set standards, be picky and don’t settle, ever
  20. Spend time with family
  21. Start a keystone habit
  22. Treat yourself with kindness

This list is my “single life guide” and will probably add to it as time goes on.  I plan to enjoy this solo Journey as long as it lasts knowing that when the time is right, the most amazing person is going to walk into my life and it is just going to fit and I will be ready (that is the important part).

It is easy to jump from one relationship to another to avoid being alone and focusing on ourselves but there is no true benefit to it.  Staying solo, working on yourself and discovering who you are is priceless.

I empower you to take time for you and discover your true self!

Namaste’

 

I love my forties…

Its true, I love my forties!

I have never felt so confident, so radiant, so beautiful and so strong…in my entire life.

I truly believe life starts in your forties.

In my twenties I was insecure, confused, in a rush to do EVERYTHING…and didn’t care who I did it with.

I enjoyed my thirties but I always felt I had something to prove.  I remember at one point thinking…OK, I am married and have two kids and a home…at the age of thirty…I did what I was supposed to do, Im successful.  Phew!

Turning forty didn’t bother me, at all, I was excited to enter this age group.  Although I was NOT excited about wrinkles, gray hair and night sweats….there are so many other amazing things that outweigh all the not so exciting things about being forty – *smiles*

So what do I love….

  1.  My confidence, I truly don’t care what people think of me and never do I try and impress anyone…I have learned that not everyone likes us and we don’t like everyone, enough said.
  2. How I look, yes, I have a better physique now than when I was twenty.  Women in their forties take much better care of themselves, its true!  We eat right, exercise and take supplements (no junk food, tanning, or lack of exercise).  We do not take our bodies for granted.
  3. My friendships, they are so real.  I love the fact that I am choosing who I spend time with and who I allow in my life.  Through many lessons we learn that not everyone belongs in our life, we have every right to choose who we wish to share our Journey with.
  4. My soul, who I have become as a person and what that embodies.  I love me, for the first time ever.  I accept me for all my faults and my strengths.  I enjoy time with myself and crave that time when things get crazy.
  5. Success defined by me.  Success is a personal thing and as you get older it becomes more about the Journey than the actual destination.  Success isn’t defined by how much money you have or the car you drive, its more about who you are as a person.  I know plenty of people with big houses, cars and lots of money who I would not consider successful.
  6. Simplicity.  It really is the little things in life that make us happy.  I enjoy waking up early, a hot cup of coffee, writing in my journal, a quick walk in the park, a hike in nature, a hot epsom salt bath, reading, meditation and yoga.  These things really do make my soul sing.
  7. Spirituality, this is personal and private for me but it has brought me much joy while I explore beliefs and teachings.
  8. The Universe, for providing me with all the above.

Forty is just the beginning of a beautiful soulful life.

Namaste’

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