Steps to Clearing Emotional Pain

When you are in a place of healing and know that you have hit a wall, you have worked with a therapist and / or life coach to identify the causes of the issues you are experiencing, you have journaled, meditated and created a self care routine but you still feel like you are stuck … it is time for some emotional clearing.

Emotional Clearing is the practice of bringing awareness to our mental and emotional compulsions and reactions in order to “heal” them or integrate them. The end state of doing this work is Wholeness which is actually a step beyond enlightenment.

For these unresolved emotions to clear, they needs to pass through you. When these past emotions and feelings reemerge, they may lead to sadness, anger, fear, anxiety or depression. If you are feeling these emotions after or while going through an emotional clearing treatment, please rest assured that these feelings are completely normal. Do not try to avoid these feelings or shame yourself for feeling them. The most important thing to do during a healing process is to just let the emotions be. Just sit with the feelings and let them exist.

Please be thoughtful and patient with yourself, these emotions have been trapped and repressed in your subconscious for a long time. They most like stem from your childhood or early adolescence. We know that most people do not leave childhood unscathed. Even if you tell yourself you had a great childhood. There may have been something that affected you in a way where you repressed those emotions so you would not feel them. By pushing away feelings this could lead to emotions and negative feelings being trapped for many years. In extreme cases, these emotions developed into chronic physical symptoms without the bearer knowing it such as anxiety, depression, addiction, compulsion, chronic illness, etc.

It is important to remember we only have this one life and it is a gift. Even if things are hard and you feel you are in a constant emotional struggle, life is a precious gift and we only get one shot at it. We all have the opportunity to live a happy life with purpose. There is so much help and knowledge out there. Things are so different now then in the past. We have so many healing modalities right at our fingertips. Therefore I encourage you to start your healing today.

Emotional clearing is usually successful after a number of “sessions” or “treatments”. Most of these can be done in the privacy of your own home and others should be done by a certified “healing specialist”.

  • Start a yoga practice – yoga can be done at home or at a studio. it is a very versatile practice with so many benefits for our mind body and our spirit (there are specific emotional clearing poses that you should adopt into your yoga practice such as Goddess Pose, Pigeon Pose,Child’s Pose, Downward Dog, Malasana Squat, Legs up a wall or Waterfall Pose, etc.). If you would like to create your own yoga emotional clearing practice from home I encourage you to go to google and search articles about yoga for emotional clearing.
  • Meditation – clearing the mind is just as important as clearing the body. Its important to let go of old data that has lived inside your mind and has misguided you in the wrong direction. Its time to let go of any old thoughts and feelings, especially negative ones and replace them with good and positive thoughts. This can be done in any quiet space in your home. Designate a sacred space where you spend time with yourself.
  • Energy healing massage and / IET or Reiki – it works. This is where you need a licenses healer. I encourage you to research healers in your area.
  • Change your self talk and perspective immediately – this takes a good amount of time because you are basically reprogramming how you think act and speak about yourself. You have spent a lifetime thinking and acting a specific way and now I am asking you to completely change that. This can be done, but it takes time, commitment and dedication to the outcome.

The outcome once you put this practice into place is overwhelming in a good way. The results can be mind blowing. I can say this with pure confidence because I speak from experience. I put this practice into place and it virtually changed every aspect of my life. I once used to walk around with a pit in my stomach (total anxiety), a sleeping disorder, a basic negative outlook on life in general, with shallow friendships, bad/toxic/dangerous relationships with men and a very low sense of self worth.

Today, I am thrilled to say with a mixture of therapy, life coaching, spiritual coaching, yoga, meditation, a HUGE dose of self love and self care and true emotional clearing – I am the best person I can possibly be and each drive I thrive to be that much better. I am happy, calm, I no longer have that pit in my stomach. My friendships are deeper, my love relationship is amazing, my general outlook on life is extremely positive and I LOVE MYSELF!!

I continue to do a self care routine every single day and I treat myself the way I expect others to treat me. I do not allow negativity or drama in my sacred space and I have high expectations of those in my life. Yes, the occasional trigger happens, but I have the tools to work through the feelings and move forward.

There is hope, I promise and I am here to help you if you decide you are ready to take the next step.

Emotional Clearing is a necessary and critical last step to complete healing.

I hope this is helpful to you!

-A

How to move forward gracefully after a divorce

Divorce, and break-ups in general are very difficult to process and move on from.  For many reasons, separating from someone we love leaves us feeling lost and desperate for answers.  Many times we blame ourselves in hopes that if we take ownership of the breakup we can then fix it and not have to suffer with this pain any longer.

The pain can be so deep that it triggers other emotional issues inside us, ones that we thought we buried and would never see again.  Sometimes break-ups are the Universes’ way of getting us to deal with our issues instead of filling voids and living the day to day as if these issues do not exist.  That’s called denial.

Being divorced twice and losing both husbands in a similar and pretty traumatic way I realized the Universe was sending me a message…it was the same message both times and this time I listened.

Below are my simple tips of letting go and moving on after a divorce (or breakup):

  • Let yourself go through the stages of grief/loss – A divorce or breakup of a significant relationship is quite similar to a death.  In order to move forward you must go through the stages of grief.  The five stages are  denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and they are a critical part of the framework that makes up our learning to live without the one we lost. They help us to gain the tools we need to help us identify what we may be feeling, however there is no exact timeline when it comes to the healing process and you may bounce around from grief to anger and back to denial before you hit acceptance.   Healing is not linear.
  • Accept that healing takes time – As I stated, there is no time table and healing is not linear.  Just  know, you are where you are meant to be, healing.  The more difficult the relationship and break up the harder the hit is to your body, mind and soul.  You need to be compassionate with yourself and accept that it can take years to recover and that is OK!  Honor yourself and where you are at, at every moment.
  • Allow yourself time to heal – solo – Fix yourself and heal first before bringing someone else into your world otherwise you risk repeating the same patterns until you have learned the lesson you were meant to learn – the Universe is speaking to you so listen.  The only way over it, is through it.
  • Do not fill voids by immediately trying to replace your ex – Believe it or not, you are not ready for a new relationship!  By jumping in to a new relationship, you are trying to fill a void to escape from hurt, that never works, it delays the healing process and puts other people at risk for heartbreak.
  • Allow yourself to feel anger, fear and sorrow – These feelings are normal and are part of the healing process.  Feel every feeling until you are numb to it.  Stuffing your feelings does not work, facing them head on speeds up the healing process.
  • Fill your life with interests and activities – Now is the time to try something new (new hobby, take a class, start an exercise routine), make new friends, and start some Keystone Habits (see my blog on Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits).  This creates a full and satisfying life.  Become a better version of yourself!
  • Make peace with your loss and try to forgive – If you focus too much on the loss and don’t let go of the story you will not get to acceptance and you will prolong the healing process.  There is a lesson in all this, take the time to learn what it is.
  • Let go of the story – Yes it was traumatic – yes you are in pain – yes you miss him or her – but if you do not let go of the story and make peace with what happened and why it happened you will delay creating a new and better story, one that doesn’t involve a traumatic breakup.  Learn the lesson and move forward.
  • Make time for yourself and figure out who you are as a person – I imagine you have spent a majority of time focused on your relationship and your significant other.  Now it is time to focus on yourself and figure out who you are and what makes you tick.  Fall in love with yourself!
  • If you want to find a happy, nurturing, compassionate relationship, look for those qualities inside yourself – Do you have those same qualities you are looking for in another person?   Remember … you are holding up your mirror so be who you wish to meet!  Its that simple.

Once you change your mindset from loss to opportunity, the healing process will be a much easier Journey to the next story of your new and wonderful life.

Namaste’

Please share this with others who you think will benefit from this article.

Anxiety

– The only way over it, is through it! –

Anxiety is a fear based emotion and/or feeling.  It is the feeling of a lack of control.  However, it can exist only if we feed it.

We feed anxiety by either by living in the past and wishing for a different outcome or by trying to predict or control the events of our future.

On a very basic level anxiety is a lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe.  A worry of what is to come.  An inability to process and accept the past.  It is the action of trying to prevent a certain outcome by driving it a certain way (not trusting the Universe).    It is a lack of forgiveness of others and Self.

Anxiety = fear

The anecdote for fear is to trust Self and the Universe.  We need to stop trying to control the outcome and allow the magic of the Universe to unfold.  We spend so much time trying to steer the events of our lives and dictate where we think they should go, that we end up missing the magic of where it could lead us.  We need to trust.

Anxiety will not subside on its own.  We must resolve the underlying fear or trauma before the anxiety can start to dissipate.

  1. We must dig deep and explore our past and present Self;
  2. We must let go of what we are trying to forget (but can’t);
  3. We must let go of what we fear to lose;
  4. We must not try to run from it, hide from it, nor should we feed it or mask it and expect it to go away.

We must look at anxiety/fear as if we are holding on to a very short rope.  Holding on to this rope is exhausting, draining and it is emotionally killing us.  However, this fear of letting go of the rope has become our lifeline and a way to avoid the unknown.

Letting go of that rope IS scary, however, letting goes frees you and allows you to BE!

  • Be you
  • Be happy
  • Be free
  • Be strong
  • Be loved
  • Be content
  • Be empowered
  • Be still
  • Be safe

JUST BE!!!

How do you get rid of the anxiety?

Let go of the rope!

  1. have faith – find your spirituality
  2. create a blank slate/fresh start – the life of your dreams
  3. live a clean life
  4. exercise
  5. do the right thing
  6. don’t keep secrets
  7. listen to and trust you intuition
  8. surround yourself with happy people
  9. do not run from your problems
  10. stop self medicating
  11. ask for help
  12. see a counselor/coach/therapist
  13. talk through your fears and issues
  14. feel your feelings
  15. confront childhood trauma
  16. feel – cry – repeat
  17. learn to trust yourself
  18. figure out who YOU are
  19. give up all vices (drugs, alcohol, food)
  20. enjoy the moment for what it is
  21. be in nature
  22. journal your thoughts and feelings
  23. express gratitude
  24. fall in love (with yourself and others)
  25. surround yourself with peace
  26. remove physical and emotional clutter
  27. remove those that are toxic from your life
  28. create a self care routine

Sadly I spent most of my life (starting at a very young age) living in an anxious state.  This is a horrible way to exist.  It wasn’t until I worked through my childhood trauma, abandonment and fears that I started to notice the anxiety lessen until it eventually disappeared.

I also learned coping skills to help me work through those horribly anxious moments (triggers can cause deep anxiety).  Gratefully I am able to reach into my tool belt to find the best tool to ward off the anxiety before it takes over.

Once we accept the concept that we, ourselves, actually feed the anxiety with our very own thoughts (and worry), we are able to work to change our mindset and start focusing on the positive.  Another way to ward of anxiety is to get involved in something you enjoy so you are able to change your mindset before your mind starts taking over with negative thoughts (read Grounding exercises to ease anxiety and the stress of daily life).

If you would like more information on how to work through anxiety or would like to schedule a coaching appointment, please contact us Coaching

Love, light, laughter and peace

Avesha

 

 

 

 

Becoming the best You!

I empower you to ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are you living as the best version of yourself?
  2. Are you living your life in a way that brings you peace and contentment?
  3. Am I honoring myself and truly living my best life?

The following will help you as you do the work to become your best self!

Practice Balance

We must balance our life in order to be our best and most healthy self.  When we are trying to “manage” life without balance we tend to burn out quickly.

Creating a balanced lifestyle will help you avoid the crash & burn which leads to anxiety, depression and stress.  Commit to a self care routine – even 15 minutes a day doing something for yourself (i.e. yoga, meditating, taking a walk or a soak in an Epsom salt and lavender bath) will re-charge and refresh your soul.

Shift your self perception

During the process of learning who you are, you will experience painful moments.

Rather than resisting or struggling against these times, breathe into them. Shift your perspective so that you appreciate these moments knowing they are helping you grow.

I read this sentence in an article recently and it resonated with me “Feel it, its going to hurt. But every moment you are sobbing, you are doing the work.  Every moment you are hurting, you are healing.  The only way out, is through.”

Thank the Universe for this learning opportunity, forgive yourself and those who have hurt you and focus on all the wonderful things that make you who you are.

Have and live your values

What is your Mantra?

If you haven’t defined the best version of yourself, begin with your values.

What are the most important values in your personal life and work?

What values do you use to define the person you are now and who do you want to be in the future.

Get very clear on those and write your values in your journal and add to them over time as you start to shift perspective.

Vision

Spend some time with yourself and create a vision for your future life.  Look at every aspect of your life and envision how you want it to look 1 year from now, 5 years from now, etc.

You can do this through journaling, drawing, vision boards etc.

This is a fun  and creative way to manifest a vision.

Create a Put into Action Plan

Once you have brought your vision to life it is time to execute an action plan on how to receive all you desire.  Setting goals is important and a huge part of creating the vision.  Use stepping stones to get there….one step at a time.

Create rituals

I love rituals as I speak of them in almost every blog.  Rituals create a pattern or a habit and create consistency which is critical with self-love and self-care.  It is easy to start something and eventually fizzle out.  I personally have learned from experience that rituals keep us on task and motivated to keep going.

Let go

We all have those people in our life that have been in our life a while, however we aren’t sure why we still engage with them.  They are a negative time-suck and are actually toxic to our existence.  We dodge their phone calls, don’t return their texts but still we keep them around.

Let them go!

If they no longer serve you in a positive way, if you feel drained from being in their presence, let them go.

By letting them go you will open the door for something better.

Simplify

Determine what you really need in life to be happy. Usually its the simplicity of life that brings us the happiest moments.

Exercise:  host a de-clutter ritual in your home.  It can be very healing.

Create a life you don’t need a vacation from

How many times do you hear people say, “uh, I need a vacation”.  Guess what, you can go away but you must return.  Since a vacation isn’t forever why don’t you create a life that you don’t need to run away from.  Make your home your sanctuary.  Create rituals in your life that give you a break from reality without having to spend thousands to do so.

Trust your intuition

Listen to your gut….always.  Intuition will never steer you the wrong way.

Focus on exercise/nutrition

Start an exercise routine today if you haven’t already.  There are so many wonderful and free resources out there to help you design your own wellness routine.  If you need help creating this routine, please contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com and we will get you started.  This also includes nutrition.  Start a Keystone Habit involving exercise and eating healthy and watch everything else fall into place.

Work on forgiveness and healing

Where you are wounded, where you are hurt, where you are frightened — seek healing. Restore yourself. Get well again. Do what must be done to heal. You can’t be the best version of yourself when you are emotionally, mentally, or physically unwell.

Express gratitude

Spend a few minutes in gratitude every day through mindful meditation. Focus on all the blessings in your life and thank the Universe for them. Being grateful for what you do have and acknowledging that gratitude will change your mindset over time.

Give back

There are many ways to give back, either through community work or spending time with your friends and sharing this new mindset with your them.  Everyone can benefit from being their happiest and healthiest self.

What is your best version of yourself, and how are you working to become that person?

Namaste’

What I wish I always knew

When you are broken, let it motivate you to become who you really are meant to be.

Whatever that is.  Whoever that is.

Don’t let that experience go to waste.  Embrace it.  Feel it.  Own it.  Despise it.  Then love it.  Respect it.

It teaches you something.

Be YOU!

Whatever that is.  Whoever that is.

It is important that you learn the lesson or it will repeat and beat you up ten fold next time.

Look at yourself in the mirror, write yourself a love note, meditate and thank God for creating you.

Because there is only one you and you are AMAZING!
Continue reading

Empowered Feminine Energy

Learning how to balance your feminine and masculine energy (think ying / yang) is not an easy task, especially in today’s society.

Women are becoming more and more independent by honing in on their masculine energy.  In addition to being focused on their blossoming career they also tend to be in control of their home life.  Carrying much of the responsibilities with regard to children and managing and structuring home life which is run like a well oiled machine.

With women managing so much responsibility and having to be so “in control” they tend to lose their feminine energy and be more connected to their masculine energy.

Feminine Energy is –

  1. intuition
  2. emotions
  3. connection to nature
  4. being in tune with the cycles of life and the seasons
  5. creativity
  6. gives life
  7. attracts
  8. receives
  9. water element
  10. empathy
  11. sensuality
  12. spiritual

So how does a woman learn how to “be” vs. “do”?

How does she let go of control and allow things to happen?

How can she focus and enjoy the experience or the Journey and not focus or try to predict the end result and surrender to the unknown?

Well, she needs to do things that can help bring out and foster her feminine energy and regain balance and the natural flow of this energy.

Those things can include (but are not limited to):

  1. Dance – put on some music, sway to the beat, move around, jump around, do not stay still.  Enjoy the music and you can even sing if your soul desires to do so.
  2. Surround yourself with beauty – feminine colors (like pink, red, or peach), soft fabrics, amazing scents and beautiful sounds.
  3. Allow a day free of plan & just go with the flow.
  4. Foster your creativity:
    1. Crafting
    2. Painting
    3. Gardening
    4. Home decor/improvement
    5. Art
    6. Fashion
    7. Crocheting/knitting/sewing
    8. Writing
  5. Learn about yourself by being sensual – draw yourself a warm bath with Epsom salt and essential oils; burn a candle or two; listen to soft music; read a book; relax and enjoy.  Do anything that stimulates all 5 senses.

When we embrace and nurture our feminine energy we drawn in success (personal and professional), amazing people, and healthy relationships without the hustle and grind of trying to make things happen.

So ask yourself where are you most blocked?

What will you do to discover your feminine energy?

Contact me and let me know if you would like guidance while trying to discover this energy.

Namaste!

How to practice self love daily

How do you start your day?

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~

Self-love is not a trend, it is not something you do when you feel like it.  You don’t just “do self-love” after a break up or after you experience trauma.  Self-love is a life long practice that needs to be added to your every day life. With self-love comes the releasing of negative thoughts and self-criticism by embracing more of a loving and positive acceptance of yourself through forgiveness of yourself and others.

The Universal concept is that our thoughts create our actions and therefore those thoughts dictate the outcome in our lives.  Self-love is a very powerful and necessary practice and critical if you want to have healthy relationships with others.

Self-love is not selfish!

Taking care of and loving ourselves and being a whole, sound and emotionally healthy person allows us to take care of others without it feeling like a burden. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, if you don’t rest and relax your soul, then you will be of no help to others— especially yourself.  You will eventually feel drained and eventually there will be nothing left to give.  You must give to yourself as well as give to others.

Below is a a simple self-love checklist that may seem overwhelming to you at first, however, I promise that if you commit to adding a majority of them into your daily routine or practice as I like to call it, every single day, you’ll see the benefits immediately.

45 Ways to Practice Self-Love

  1. Create a quiet and safe zone in your home (may it be a corner, a closet, or a spare rom and deem it your “space”)
  2. Buy yourself fresh flowers (or cut them from your garden and display them)
  3. Grow a garden of fresh vegetables
  4. Start an exercise routine (yoga, pilates, the gym, take a walk) – increase those endorphins (see Creating a workout routine you can and will stick to)
  5. Read, take a nap, listen to music, sit quietly – please just rest your soul
  6. Buy yourself some new makeup and play with it
  7. Create a daily bucket list and post it
  8. Repeat the following mantra “I love and accept myself”
  9. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself
  10. Create a gratitude journal (see How to start Journaling – Keystone Habit)
  11. Start your day with meditation and yoga
  12. Implement a “treat yourself day” (mine is Friday)
  13. Dress nice, even if you don’t have to, put on those earrings, scarf and lipstick and show the world how beautiful you are
  14. Take a breath between your bites of food and savor the taste
  15. Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea and savor each sip
  16. Have a protein or collagen smoothie every morning
  17. Sleep at least 7 hours a day
  18. Say no and be ok with it
  19. Pay it forward, always
  20. Make someone feel good whenever you can
  21. Smile often, even if no one is smiling at you (they may think you are weird but that is ok)
  22. Eat food that is nourishing (put down the boxed food – unless its treat day)
  23. Get a massage and have them use essential oils
  24. Go for a hike or long walk in nature
  25. Be confident (walk and talk with confidence)
  26. Learn something new – dance classes, yoga, tennis lessons, start or join a MeetUp group
  27. Host a ladies night
  28. Call a friend and laugh for hours about nothing (no complaining)
  29. Spend time with your kids before they grow up and move away 😦
  30. Get a new haircut and/or buy some new makeup
  31. Eat chocolate guilt free (maybe on treat day)
  32. When someone offers your a compliment, simply say, “Thank you”
  33. Travel solo
  34. Set a no screen time in your house (dinner, after 9, etc)
  35. Set goals (see Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits)
  36. Take a day off and do something nice for yourself (go to the gym, coffee shop, shop, meet a friend for lunch, take a walk, sleep)
  37. Self-love mantra: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”
  38. Let go of what no longer serves you
  39. Buy a diffuser and infuse essential oils like lavender
  40. Write a letter to yourself and put it away for a year
  41. Host a dinner party
  42. Hire a coach or a counselor (see The real benefits of working with a Life Coach)
  43. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender (or whatever your favorite oil is)
  44. Make new friends (and remove those toxic ones)
  45. Clean out your closet and donate clothes you no longer wear

The biggest message I have is, be gentle with yourself and always honor where you are at every stage of your Journey.

The best advice I have been given – ever is to ~feel your feelings~

Namaste’

Contact Us if you would like to work with a coach to help you kick start your self-love and self care routine!