How to practice self love daily

How do you start your day?

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~

Self-love is not a trend, it is not something you do when you feel like it.  You don’t just “do self-love” after a break up or after you experience trauma.  Self-love is a life long practice that needs to be added to your every day life. With self-love comes the releasing of negative thoughts and self-criticism by embracing more of a loving and positive acceptance of yourself through forgiveness of yourself and others.

The Universal concept is that our thoughts create our actions and therefore those thoughts dictate the outcome in our lives.  Self-love is a very powerful and necessary practice and critical if you want to have healthy relationships with others.

Self-love is not selfish!

Taking care of and loving ourselves and being a whole, sound and emotionally healthy person allows us to take care of others without it feeling like a burden. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, if you don’t rest and relax your soul, then you will be of no help to others— especially yourself.  You will eventually feel drained and eventually there will be nothing left to give.  You must give to yourself as well as give to others.

Below is a a simple self-love checklist that may seem overwhelming to you at first, however, I promise that if you commit to adding a majority of them into your daily routine or practice as I like to call it, every single day, you’ll see the benefits immediately.

45 Ways to Practice Self-Love

  1. Create a quiet and safe zone in your home (may it be a corner, a closet, or a spare rom and deem it your “space”)
  2. Buy yourself fresh flowers (or cut them from your garden and display them)
  3. Grow a garden of fresh vegetables
  4. Start an exercise routine (yoga, pilates, the gym, take a walk) – increase those endorphins (see Creating a workout routine you can and will stick to)
  5. Read, take a nap, listen to music, sit quietly – please just rest your soul
  6. Buy yourself some new makeup and play with it
  7. Create a daily bucket list and post it
  8. Repeat the following mantra “I love and accept myself”
  9. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself
  10. Create a gratitude journal (see How to start Journaling – Keystone Habit)
  11. Start your day with meditation and yoga
  12. Implement a “treat yourself day” (mine is Friday)
  13. Dress nice, even if you don’t have to, put on those earrings, scarf and lipstick and show the world how beautiful you are
  14. Take a breath between your bites of food and savor the taste
  15. Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea and savor each sip
  16. Have a protein or collagen smoothie every morning
  17. Sleep at least 7 hours a day
  18. Say no and be ok with it
  19. Pay it forward, always
  20. Make someone feel good whenever you can
  21. Smile often, even if no one is smiling at you (they may think you are weird but that is ok)
  22. Eat food that is nourishing (put down the boxed food – unless its treat day)
  23. Get a massage and have them use essential oils
  24. Go for a hike or long walk in nature
  25. Be confident (walk and talk with confidence)
  26. Learn something new – dance classes, yoga, tennis lessons, start or join a MeetUp group
  27. Host a ladies night
  28. Call a friend and laugh for hours about nothing (no complaining)
  29. Spend time with your kids before they grow up and move away 😦
  30. Get a new haircut and/or buy some new makeup
  31. Eat chocolate guilt free (maybe on treat day)
  32. When someone offers your a compliment, simply say, “Thank you”
  33. Travel solo
  34. Set a no screen time in your house (dinner, after 9, etc)
  35. Set goals (see Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits)
  36. Take a day off and do something nice for yourself (go to the gym, coffee shop, shop, meet a friend for lunch, take a walk, sleep)
  37. Self-love mantra: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”
  38. Let go of what no longer serves you
  39. Buy a diffuser and infuse essential oils like lavender
  40. Write a letter to yourself and put it away for a year
  41. Host a dinner party
  42. Hire a coach or a counselor (see The real benefits of working with a Life Coach)
  43. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender (or whatever your favorite oil is)
  44. Make new friends (and remove those toxic ones)
  45. Clean out your closet and donate clothes you no longer wear

The biggest message I have is, be gentle with yourself and always honor where you are at every stage of your Journey.

The best advice I have been given – ever is to ~feel your feelings~

Namaste’

Contact Us if you would like to work with a coach to help you kick start your self-love and self care routine!

How do you start your day?

“Every day we are born again” – Buddha

Over time and by creating daily KeyStone Habits you can learn to transform your life into the one you deserve.  For this, I like to use the term – stepping stones.  Every little step you take brings you one step closer to your new and healthy life.

With stepping stones you literally take each and every day, one step at a time.  It takes self awareness, inspiration, determination and the drive to want to change and the commitment to stay on task (and focused) as you begin your new Journey.  I know, because I have done this work and although there were times I wanted to quit, I am so grateful I didn’t.

It takes 26 days for a habit to become a lifestyle.

There are so many ways to begin making little but impactful changes in your life. Personally I found that starting with a morning routine was the best place to begin my Journey to an emotionally healthy lifestyle.

Thankfully I am a morning person so creating a morning routine was easy as well as exciting for me.  This routine is very important to me as it provides me with much needed structure and it gives me something to look forward to each day as I rise in the morning.  This positive start to my day gets my head in the right place so I am ready to tackle my day with a clear mind and a peaceful soul.

I am grateful for this practice and I continue to alter it to adjust to life’s little changes and challenges.


Below are some”morning ritual” ideas to help you create your own daily practice –

  • Wake up with the sunrise (“early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” – Benjamin Franklin, famously)
  • Drink a glass of room temperature water (with lemon if you can – fantastic liver cleanse)
  • Intermittent fasting
  • Walk the dog / get on the treadmill (I don’t care how cold or hot it is, get that body moving)
  • Make a collagen smoothie – google smoothie recipes for some awesome ideas
  • Brush your teeth, wash your face, give yourself a mini facial or at least a detox scrub (I have some fantastic organic facial recipes to share)
  • Do at least 20 minutes of yoga stretches or if you are feeling bold do a 30 minute power yoga session 🙂
  • Start an exercise routine
  • Make a hot cup of coffee or tea – drink it slow and savor the flavor 🙂
  • Meditate for at least 5 minutes (download the Simple Habit, Calm or HeadSpace app for an easy guided meditation) – or just sit in silence as you drink your tea/coffee/smoothie
  • Practice grounding and earthing
  • Peruse your garden and cut fresh flowers for your home – assuming you have a garden, if not, steal your neighbors flowers and put them in a vase (LOL, kidding, well, kind of)
  • Write in your journal (express your gratitude, set your goals, write down your worries and let them go) – Don’t know how to journal or where to begin?  start here
  • Read your gratitude list out loud and thank the Universe, God, Buddha, whatever you believe in for another beautiful day in this life
  • Take a hot shower and be in the moment (you can also take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender before bed to wash away the day)
  • Get ready for your day (do your hair, put on makeup)
  • Dress to impress (even if you work from home – yoga pants are not pants)
  • If you commute, put on your favorite music or audio book – enjoy the time you have to yourself

Its just as easy and important to create an “evening wind-down ritual” as well (Contact Us for ideas to create your evening ritual).

Until soon!

Namaste

The Mirror

Did you know that the people you surround yourself with are reflections of certain parts of yourself (ironically they are usually the parts you don’t quite like).

These people are your “mirror”.

What does this mean?

Quite simply, we attract what we are (or ourselves). Ever notice something irritating or infuriating about someone…could be your child, friend or your spouse?  Well, most likely you see something in them that you don’t like about yourself. They have a quality that you recognize and focus on that is something you wish to change about you.

Interesting concept huh?

There are those of us who are subconsciously reliving our youth traumas which contribute to our fears, anxieties, drama’s etc.  We are attracting those people, by our own design, so that they reflect the same dysfunctions in us by bringing them to the surface.  It’s like looking in the mirror and not liking what we see (emotionally).

As yourself these questions:

  1. Do you attract emotionally unavailable partners that are non-committal in relationships?
  2. Do you constantly focus on the relationships you can’t have without exploring why you are not attracting men/women who ARE available?
  3. Are you attracted to married women/men?
  4. Do you attract men/women who need “fixing”?
  5. Are you a magnet for negative people and gossip?
  6. Do you continuously have drama and dysfunction in your life?

If any of these scenario’s sounds familiar you need to explore deeply and ask yourself:

  1.  Am I emotionally available and able to commit to a healthy relationship?
  2.  Are there parts of me that need fixing that I am avoiding (old wounds) which is why I focus on him/her vs. myself?
  3.  Am I subconsciously working through childhood trauma (i.e. abandonment) by chasing unavailable partners?
  4.  Am I trying to protect myself therefor I attract which that which I cannot have?
  5. Am I part of the problem?
  6. Do I attract drama because of my own negativity? (drama can’t live unless you feed it)

Simply put, if you want to attract healthy people into your life.  If you desire healthy friendships and relationships (i.e. lovers, family, co-workers, etc.) then you yourself need to be healthy.

Remember people will treat you how you allow them to. This is usually a direct reflection of how you feel about and treat yourself. When you value yourself and love yourself there is no way you would let someone treat you bad or disrespect you.

If you take the time to work on yourself (self love/care) not only will you feel AMAZING but you will attract healthier people into your life and have deeper more meaningful relationships.

Start today with focusing on yourself..look in your own mirror and decide what part of you is attracting toxic people.

Remember, people will always show you who they are – believe them the first time.

Namaste

If you are interested in one on one coaching please click contact us.

expectations, do you have them?

I am 45 years old and have recently discovered something that was missing from my life, yep, you guessed it, expectations.

Despite having one too many expectations of myself (yes, this is the curse of being an over-achiever) I virtually had no expectations of others in my life.  I am currently working on this.

In my personal relationships especially is where I lack. I had this notion that I had to be absolutely perfect and self sufficient otherwise I was not lovable.  Only problem is, when you are too busy trying to be perfect, which is impossible, you are also setting unrealistic expectations on the other side which leaves no room for vulnerability or the ability to just be yourself.

Also, when you have no expectations of a partner, you give and give and receive nothing in return which is exactly how you structure things.  You have designed your relationship this way, for whatever reason, maybe for control and safety?   However, existing like this, is completely one sided and can be quite lonely.  When you give and do not receive anything back, you are basically the only contributor to a one sided relationship.  This can wear on your soul, over time.

You may tell yourself that you are happy with things this way, by existing this way you think you have some sort of control because you rely on him or her for nothing. However, all you have done is isolate yourself in a one sided and empty relationship.  This does catch up with you!  Over time feelings of resentment creep in.  Truly at no fault to your partner, as you taught him or her early on that this is what you would accept.

Nothing.

This is fear based behavior.  When you live in a place of fear you are constantly afraid of losing something.  In my case, my biggest fear was if he knows I am not perfect, he will leave.

How sad is that thought process!  No one is perfect, not even a little.

So I am on this amazing Journey of preparing myself for a healthy and happy relationship and my next step is setting boundaries and expectations knowing what I really want and expect from a relationship and partner.

Truth be told, this is kind of fun for me.  I love healing work.

Below I have listed a few of my expectations of a relationship, some are quite simple (see if any resonate with you):

  1. Emotional maturity and availability
  2. Loyalty
  3. Support (this one is HUGE for me)
  4. Guidance/Teaching
  5. Patience
  6. Affection
  7. Respect
  8. Fun
  9. Love
  10. Vulnerability
  11. Intimacy

There are more, but this is a good start.  I don’t think I have experienced even ONE of these in the 19 years of relationships I was in.  Maybe “fun”, but only at the expense of my integrity and morals sometimes.  There was always a cost.

So I empower you to ask yourself – do you have expectations of the important people in your life?  Your husband, boyfriend, children, co-workers, boss?  If not, start thinking about what you want those expectations to be and jot them down.

I am also working on this in my professional life.  What are the expectations I have of myself that are realistic, of my staff, my co-workers, my boss and the Company as a whole.

We really do teach people how we want to be treated.  If we allow certain behaviors we are telling them that its OK.  If we don’t accept certain behaviors, we are training people to treat us the way we deserve.

Some of this stuff is so simple you almost can’t believe it takes so long to “get it’.

Would love to hear from you if you are in the process of setting boundaries and expectations for yourself and others.

Namaste

As always, please contact us if you would like to set up a coaching appointment.  I would love to work with you on setting your expectations.

You may be the emotionally unavailable one, here’s why!

We have all dated that person, the one that is never quite ready for a commitment (with you).  They drive you to the brink of insanity and then pull you back with incredible passion that you have never experienced before.  They bring out a side to you that you didn’t know you had in you.  They are truly magical.

They keep you on your toes, as you wait with baited breath for every text, phone call and an eventual date.  Every date is magical…leaving you wanting more and more and when the date is over, its drama city…tears, anxiety, sadness, confusion, wondering when and if you are going to see them again.

They aren’t ready to give themselves up to you, however they have no problem spending all their time with you, having sex with you, sleeping over, eating your food, going on vacation with you, and everything else couples do…without the commitment and -oh  yeah – no monogamy.  They are using you.  Whether its for money, sex, validation, attention, a place to crash, someone to fill their voids, someone who keeps them from being alone (with themselves), a person to chill with until someone better comes along.  Whatever it is they need you are giving it to them and therefore they are using you.

Yet we believe in our souls that if we morph into exactly what they want you us to be, they will love us.  So we spend all our energy on making them happy, trying to make them love us (and they don’t), chasing them when they run and convincing them how amazing we are (they see it, they just don’t care).  Until one day you wake up and grasp that years have gone by and you realize that no matter what you do…they will not love you, they do not want you or what you want (or say you want), and yes, they have been using you.

So…you finally pull away and say you can’t do this anymore, that there is nothing left of your self esteem and you are tired of giving so much of yourself and receiving nothing in return….oh boy, look out….they WILL come back in full force (and this is not a good thing).  They will promise you the world…the stars…their soul…as long as you don’t leave them.   They love you, they will start respecting you more, they will spend more time with you, they realize how much they don’t want to live without you.  Amazing huh?  Wow, this is everything you ever wanted to hear –  you just wanted him to just realize how amazing you are and to see your value, to want you the way you want them.

You are ecstatic, and without any thought process you immediately take them back – with no boundaries in place, no making them prove themselves, no slow ease back into it..just as quickly as he came back after you, you go running back.

Ugh…MISTAKE!

Surprise, nothing has changed.  They were good for a little while, they showed you a little more attention, but ultimately they didn’t change.  Why?  Because people don’t change unless they want to and they can’t without doing the work.  They came running back to you because they just didn’t want to lose their security blanket (yes that is what you were).  You see, they fear abandonment as well.  So as much as they don’t want to commit to you, they don’t want to lose you either.  Its really all just a sad and lonely cycle of avoiding abandonment.

However, the good news is that eventually the cycle does end (if you are lucky) – leaving you exhausted, with them moving on to another person who is just like you (a door mat) –  leaving you in a heap on the floor.  You cry, wish for another day with them, begging God for them to love you, because if they did your life would be complete.  They are what makes life magical and worth living.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

Newsflash!!

They are your mirror, its that simple.  You have played the emotional unavailability dance and its time for the music to stop.  Its time to figure out why you too are emotionally unavailable and more vested in chasing men who don’t want you vs. finding out why you don’t really want them either.

Thankfully it is possible to end this cycle forever, abandon this dance and move towards a healthy and balanced relationship with an emotionally available person but ONLY when YOU become emotionally available yourself.

My dear this isn’t just about them…this is about you too.

So here are some ways to start becoming emotionally available and start healing so you can seek and find a fabulous and stable relationship with someone who is available to you.


  1. Figure out your biggest fears!  What is holding you back? – whether its fear of getting hurt, abandonment (most likely), being vulnerable, fear of engulfment, giving up your own space, whatever it is…identify it.
  2. Once you have identified it, write about it in your journal! – where did this fear come from?  childhood? when did you first notice this fear?  write down every detail in your journal.  once its identified and “out there” its much easier to work towards a resolution.
  3. Finding a resolution – depending on what your fears and issues are you may need to seek a therapist, counselor or life coach to work towards resolving these issues.
  4. Let go of people who have hurt you in the past – understand that getting hurt is a part of life – painful experiences are what teach us our biggest lessons so we can grow and learn to heal those parts of us that are holding on.  let them go and yes, forgive.
  5. Think about your favorite people and write in your journal what you like about each and every one of them –  after you have done this, send each of them a text and let them know you are grateful for their presence in your life.
  6. Next, write down your favorite things about you – for some people this will be an easy exercise and for others this will be very difficult.  this exercise can help you identify how you view yourself – and as you know, how you see yourself is how others see you as well.  what you put out into the Universe is what is coming back to you – full circle.
  7. Let go of your emotional addictions (I call them void fillers) – the over eating, the smoking, too much drinking, drugs, social media, sex, porn etc.  these are not helping you in any way.  learn to sit with your feelings, with yourself and be comfortable with them.  this takes lots of practice, its uncomfortable and surely there will be a lot of tears and moments where you want to give up.  don’t.  learning to sit with your feelings is the biggest step to healing and best way to avoid starting a new cycle of emotional unavailability in another person – just to avoid feeling.
  8. Give your time, money, love and support to others who need it – there are so many people out there who are struggling.  it feels good to help people, in any way, whether its to volunteer, donate money or household items.  this is a great way to show gratitude for what you do have by giving to others that don’t have anything.
  9. Find yourself – you spent countless hours, months and even years catering to someone who didn’t see your value (this is because you don’t see your value).  spend less time trying to find a man or woman to fill your void and validate you and more time figuring  out who you are, what you want from life, and what makes you happy.  when you do this, you will figure out what type of person you should have in your life and no longer will you accept someone who is not right for you, let alone chase them to make them see how great you are.  you won’t need that.
  10. Love yourself – after you figure out who you are, treat yourself well.  treat yourself and love yourself the way you want to be treated and loved.  the saying really is true, how can someone love you and respect you if you don’t respect yourself.  they can’t and they won’t.  once you start loving yourself, it becomes a wonderful and  healthy addiction.  you won’t settle for less.  I promise.

Emotionally unavailability is an invisible shield meant to protect us from hurt.  The sad part is, it doesn’t protect us at all, it makes things worse.

Remove that invisible shield and start working on yourself today.  If you would like to work with a coach to help you on this new Journey of emotional availability, contact us today.

-A

Journey to Discovering Your Purpose

Your purpose in life can be as simple or as complicated as you require it to be.  You don’t need to aspire to be Beyonce or the Dahli Lama to have a meaningful life purpose.  The only thing you need it to do is fulfill yourself on all levels but mostly your soul level.

Your life’s purpose is solely specific to you.

Some people never figure out their life’s purpose and others think they figure it out and then realize that they were wrong.  I think when you figure it out, when you nail it, you feel it deep down in your soul…like “this is exactly what I was meant for”.

I also truly believe, and this is just me, that we have many different purposes as we cycle through life.  For instance I know one of my life’s purpose is to be a mother to these two boys of mine.  There is nothing in the world I am more proud of and that brings me as much joy as knowing they exist and that I brought them here.

But my purpose doesn’t stop there.

My secondary purpose, and I learned this through my biggest life lesson thus far, is my gift of empowering people (mostly women).  I am not an extreme feminist.  In fact I am quite traditional and believe in the institution of marriage (kind of) and I do believe in relationship “roles”, however, I know that a lot of women struggle with losing themselves in relationships and fall apart when they are not in one.  In addition, there are a lot of women that allow men to take away their spirit and breakdown their esteem to the point of extinction.  These women are fragile, confused, broken and traumatized – I know what this feels like because I was there.

My purpose is to help these women find themselves again.  To find happiness inside themselves and to stop allowing people to take away their peace.  I build them up and make them see their own beauty and help them find their own purpose in this beautiful life that really is so short.

So our purpose is often revealed during the hardest struggles of our lives.  That is why they say “there is beauty in the struggle” because there is.  This is why you must learn the lessons that the Universe wants to teach you, the first time, so you can feel and experience that beauty.

Your life purpose can be to travel, learn different cultures and pass the knowledge on to others through vices like blogging; or your purpose could be to work with animal rescues; or abused women helping them find safety; or to work with children in some capacity.  The options are truly endless.


Identifying your purpose is simple once you start putting a few things into practice:

  1.  Sit with yourself – get quiet – start asking yourself what your soul needs to feel accomplished in this lifetime
  2. Ask yourself, if you were to have a limited time on this earth (which we do) what would you want to do with that time
  3. Start journaling your passions, define them, see how you react as you start writing things down, do you get motivated and excited?

Once you have defined your purpose, start taking action, and once you do…the Universe follows suit and things start falling into place.

 

 

 

The Process of Healing from “Toxic”

Toxic by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

via daily post: Toxic

I read this fantastic article by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and identified with it completely so I thought I would take the time and write a short blog about healing and what this looks like to me, personally.  To some people who are knee deep in a toxic situation, healing can feel impossible -something that they will never achieve.

Healing is a process.

True healing takes time.  Yes, it is soul wrenching and painful, but you eventually reach a point in your healing, whether it be 6 months down the road or 2 years down the road when you can stop and look at where you are and say…wow,  look how far I have come and it is then that you know, you have reached that point where you would never go back to toxic…it just wouldn’t work for you anymore.

So yes, healing is a process and one that is, as I said, very difficult but it is so worth every tear you shed, every exhausted therapy session and every moment where you think you can’t endure another day…but you do.

I have done this work, I know what true healing from years of toxic means so I have gathered my thoughts this morning and compiled a list of what healing means to me and my hope is that these resonate with you.


Healing Means…

  • Accepting my actions and choices
  • Becoming comfortable with who I am
  • Learning from my mistakes
  • Letting the past go
  • Enjoying the present
  • Forming “my Tribe”
  • Learning to be alone and enjoying it
  • Deciding what I want from life
  • Learning new behaviors
  • Enjoying the peace
  • Forgiving myself and those who have wronged me
  • Ignoring timelines
  • Letting go of judgments (of myself and others)
  • Finding my purpose
  • Learning to love as is (myself and others)
  • Surrounding myself with all that is beautiful & positive

This process has been an amazing Journey for me, one that I would not trade for anything.

So, if you are on the toxic ride and ready to get off please know that having a healthy and happy life apart from “toxic” is not impossible.  When you are ready to commit to a healthier way of living, you can take the small steps that it takes to get there.

If you would like to discuss a plan on how to starting healing from toxic contact us.  I can tell you how to get there.

Remember, we only have this one life…it is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest!

~love~light~healing~

-Avesha