How to move forward gracefully after a divorce

Divorce, and break-ups in general are very difficult to process and move on from.  For many reasons, separating from someone we love leaves us feeling lost and desperate for answers.  Many times we blame ourselves in hopes that if we take ownership of the breakup we can then fix it and not have to suffer with this pain any longer.

The pain can be so deep that it triggers other emotional issues inside us, ones that we thought we buried and would never see again.  Sometimes break-ups are the Universes’ way of getting us to deal with our issues instead of filling voids and living the day to day as if these issues do not exist.  That’s called denial.

Being divorced twice and losing both husbands in a similar and pretty traumatic way I realized the Universe was sending me a message…it was the same message both times and this time I listened.

Below are my simple tips of letting go and moving on after a divorce (or breakup):

  • Let yourself go through the stages of grief/loss – A divorce or breakup of a significant relationship is quite similar to a death.  In order to move forward you must go through the stages of grief.  The five stages are  denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and they are a critical part of the framework that makes up our learning to live without the one we lost. They help us to gain the tools we need to help us identify what we may be feeling, however there is no exact timeline when it comes to the healing process and you may bounce around from grief to anger and back to denial before you hit acceptance.   Healing is not linear.
  • Accept that healing takes time – As I stated, there is no time table and healing is not linear.  Just  know, you are where you are meant to be, healing.  The more difficult the relationship and break up the harder the hit is to your body, mind and soul.  You need to be compassionate with yourself and accept that it can take years to recover and that is OK!  Honor yourself and where you are at, at every moment.
  • Allow yourself time to heal – solo – Fix yourself and heal first before bringing someone else into your world otherwise you risk repeating the same patterns until you have learned the lesson you were meant to learn – the Universe is speaking to you so listen.  The only way over it, is through it.
  • Do not fill voids by immediately trying to replace your ex – Believe it or not, you are not ready for a new relationship!  By jumping in to a new relationship, you are trying to fill a void to escape from hurt, that never works, it delays the healing process and puts other people at risk for heartbreak.
  • Allow yourself to feel anger, fear and sorrow – These feelings are normal and are part of the healing process.  Feel every feeling until you are numb to it.  Stuffing your feelings does not work, facing them head on speeds up the healing process.
  • Fill your life with interests and activities – Now is the time to try something new (new hobby, take a class, start an exercise routine), make new friends, and start some Keystone Habits (see my blog on Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits).  This creates a full and satisfying life.  Become a better version of yourself!
  • Make peace with your loss and try to forgive – If you focus too much on the loss and don’t let go of the story you will not get to acceptance and you will prolong the healing process.  There is a lesson in all this, take the time to learn what it is.
  • Let go of the story – Yes it was traumatic – yes you are in pain – yes you miss him or her – but if you do not let go of the story and make peace with what happened and why it happened you will delay creating a new and better story, one that doesn’t involve a traumatic breakup.  Learn the lesson and move forward.
  • Make time for yourself and figure out who you are as a person – I imagine you have spent a majority of time focused on your relationship and your significant other.  Now it is time to focus on yourself and figure out who you are and what makes you tick.  Fall in love with yourself!
  • If you want to find a happy, nurturing, compassionate relationship, look for those qualities inside yourself – Do you have those same qualities you are looking for in another person?   Remember … you are holding up your mirror so be who you wish to meet!  Its that simple.

Once you change your mindset from loss to opportunity, the healing process will be a much easier Journey to the next story of your new and wonderful life.

Namaste’

Please share this with others who you think will benefit from this article.

Becoming the best You!

I empower you to ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are you living as the best version of yourself?
  2. Are you living your life in a way that brings you peace and contentment?
  3. Am I honoring myself and truly living my best life?

The following will help you as you do the work to become your best self!

Practice Balance

We must balance our life in order to be our best and most healthy self.  When we are trying to “manage” life without balance we tend to burn out quickly.

Creating a balanced lifestyle will help you avoid the crash & burn which leads to anxiety, depression and stress.  Commit to a self care routine – even 15 minutes a day doing something for yourself (i.e. yoga, meditating, taking a walk or a soak in an Epsom salt and lavender bath) will re-charge and refresh your soul.

Shift your self perception

During the process of learning who you are, you will experience painful moments.

Rather than resisting or struggling against these times, breathe into them. Shift your perspective so that you appreciate these moments knowing they are helping you grow.

I read this sentence in an article recently and it resonated with me “Feel it, its going to hurt. But every moment you are sobbing, you are doing the work.  Every moment you are hurting, you are healing.  The only way out, is through.”

Thank the Universe for this learning opportunity, forgive yourself and those who have hurt you and focus on all the wonderful things that make you who you are.

Have and live your values

What is your Mantra?

If you haven’t defined the best version of yourself, begin with your values.

What are the most important values in your personal life and work?

What values do you use to define the person you are now and who do you want to be in the future.

Get very clear on those and write your values in your journal and add to them over time as you start to shift perspective.

Vision

Spend some time with yourself and create a vision for your future life.  Look at every aspect of your life and envision how you want it to look 1 year from now, 5 years from now, etc.

You can do this through journaling, drawing, vision boards etc.

This is a fun  and creative way to manifest a vision.

Create a Put into Action Plan

Once you have brought your vision to life it is time to execute an action plan on how to receive all you desire.  Setting goals is important and a huge part of creating the vision.  Use stepping stones to get there….one step at a time.

Create rituals

I love rituals as I speak of them in almost every blog.  Rituals create a pattern or a habit and create consistency which is critical with self-love and self-care.  It is easy to start something and eventually fizzle out.  I personally have learned from experience that rituals keep us on task and motivated to keep going.

Let go

We all have those people in our life that have been in our life a while, however we aren’t sure why we still engage with them.  They are a negative time-suck and are actually toxic to our existence.  We dodge their phone calls, don’t return their texts but still we keep them around.

Let them go!

If they no longer serve you in a positive way, if you feel drained from being in their presence, let them go.

By letting them go you will open the door for something better.

Simplify

Determine what you really need in life to be happy. Usually its the simplicity of life that brings us the happiest moments.

Exercise:  host a de-clutter ritual in your home.  It can be very healing.

Create a life you don’t need a vacation from

How many times do you hear people say, “uh, I need a vacation”.  Guess what, you can go away but you must return.  Since a vacation isn’t forever why don’t you create a life that you don’t need to run away from.  Make your home your sanctuary.  Create rituals in your life that give you a break from reality without having to spend thousands to do so.

Trust your intuition

Listen to your gut….always.  Intuition will never steer you the wrong way.

Focus on exercise/nutrition

Start an exercise routine today if you haven’t already.  There are so many wonderful and free resources out there to help you design your own wellness routine.  If you need help creating this routine, please contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com and we will get you started.  This also includes nutrition.  Start a Keystone Habit involving exercise and eating healthy and watch everything else fall into place.

Work on forgiveness and healing

Where you are wounded, where you are hurt, where you are frightened — seek healing. Restore yourself. Get well again. Do what must be done to heal. You can’t be the best version of yourself when you are emotionally, mentally, or physically unwell.

Express gratitude

Spend a few minutes in gratitude every day through mindful meditation. Focus on all the blessings in your life and thank the Universe for them. Being grateful for what you do have and acknowledging that gratitude will change your mindset over time.

Give back

There are many ways to give back, either through community work or spending time with your friends and sharing this new mindset with your them.  Everyone can benefit from being their happiest and healthiest self.

What is your best version of yourself, and how are you working to become that person?

Namaste’

How to practice self love daily

How do you start your day?

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~

Self-love is not a trend, it is not something you do when you feel like it.  You don’t just “do self-love” after a break up or after you experience trauma.  Self-love is a life long practice that needs to be added to your every day life. With self-love comes the releasing of negative thoughts and self-criticism by embracing more of a loving and positive acceptance of yourself through forgiveness of yourself and others.

The Universal concept is that our thoughts create our actions and therefore those thoughts dictate the outcome in our lives.  Self-love is a very powerful and necessary practice and critical if you want to have healthy relationships with others.

Self-love is not selfish!

Taking care of and loving ourselves and being a whole, sound and emotionally healthy person allows us to take care of others without it feeling like a burden. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, if you don’t rest and relax your soul, then you will be of no help to others— especially yourself.  You will eventually feel drained and eventually there will be nothing left to give.  You must give to yourself as well as give to others.

Below is a a simple self-love checklist that may seem overwhelming to you at first, however, I promise that if you commit to adding a majority of them into your daily routine or practice as I like to call it, every single day, you’ll see the benefits immediately.

45 Ways to Practice Self-Love

  1. Create a quiet and safe zone in your home (may it be a corner, a closet, or a spare rom and deem it your “space”)
  2. Buy yourself fresh flowers (or cut them from your garden and display them)
  3. Grow a garden of fresh vegetables
  4. Start an exercise routine (yoga, pilates, the gym, take a walk) – increase those endorphins (see Creating a workout routine you can and will stick to)
  5. Read, take a nap, listen to music, sit quietly – please just rest your soul
  6. Buy yourself some new makeup and play with it
  7. Create a daily bucket list and post it
  8. Repeat the following mantra “I love and accept myself”
  9. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself
  10. Create a gratitude journal (see How to start Journaling – Keystone Habit)
  11. Start your day with meditation and yoga
  12. Implement a “treat yourself day” (mine is Friday)
  13. Dress nice, even if you don’t have to, put on those earrings, scarf and lipstick and show the world how beautiful you are
  14. Take a breath between your bites of food and savor the taste
  15. Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea and savor each sip
  16. Have a protein or collagen smoothie every morning
  17. Sleep at least 7 hours a day
  18. Say no and be ok with it
  19. Pay it forward, always
  20. Make someone feel good whenever you can
  21. Smile often, even if no one is smiling at you (they may think you are weird but that is ok)
  22. Eat food that is nourishing (put down the boxed food – unless its treat day)
  23. Get a massage and have them use essential oils
  24. Go for a hike or long walk in nature
  25. Be confident (walk and talk with confidence)
  26. Learn something new – dance classes, yoga, tennis lessons, start or join a MeetUp group
  27. Host a ladies night
  28. Call a friend and laugh for hours about nothing (no complaining)
  29. Spend time with your kids before they grow up and move away 😦
  30. Get a new haircut and/or buy some new makeup
  31. Eat chocolate guilt free (maybe on treat day)
  32. When someone offers your a compliment, simply say, “Thank you”
  33. Travel solo
  34. Set a no screen time in your house (dinner, after 9, etc)
  35. Set goals (see Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits)
  36. Take a day off and do something nice for yourself (go to the gym, coffee shop, shop, meet a friend for lunch, take a walk, sleep)
  37. Self-love mantra: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”
  38. Let go of what no longer serves you
  39. Buy a diffuser and infuse essential oils like lavender
  40. Write a letter to yourself and put it away for a year
  41. Host a dinner party
  42. Hire a coach or a counselor (see The real benefits of working with a Life Coach)
  43. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender (or whatever your favorite oil is)
  44. Make new friends (and remove those toxic ones)
  45. Clean out your closet and donate clothes you no longer wear

The biggest message I have is, be gentle with yourself and always honor where you are at every stage of your Journey.

The best advice I have been given – ever is to ~feel your feelings~

Namaste’

Contact Us if you would like to work with a coach to help you kick start your self-love and self care routine!

How do you start your day?

“Every day we are born again” – Buddha

Over time and by creating daily KeyStone Habits you can learn to transform your life into the one you deserve.  For this, I like to use the term – stepping stones.  Every little step you take brings you one step closer to your new and healthy life.

With stepping stones you literally take each and every day, one step at a time.  It takes self awareness, inspiration, determination and the drive to want to change and the commitment to stay on task (and focused) as you begin your new Journey.  I know, because I have done this work and although there were times I wanted to quit, I am so grateful I didn’t.

It takes 26 days for a habit to become a lifestyle.

There are so many ways to begin making little but impactful changes in your life. Personally I found that starting with a morning routine was the best place to begin my Journey to an emotionally healthy lifestyle.

Thankfully I am a morning person so creating a morning routine was easy as well as exciting for me.  This routine is very important to me as it provides me with much needed structure and it gives me something to look forward to each day as I rise in the morning.  This positive start to my day gets my head in the right place so I am ready to tackle my day with a clear mind and a peaceful soul.

I am grateful for this practice and I continue to alter it to adjust to life’s little changes and challenges.


Below are some”morning ritual” ideas to help you create your own daily practice –

  • Wake up with the sunrise (“early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” – Benjamin Franklin, famously)
  • Drink a glass of room temperature water (with lemon if you can – fantastic liver cleanse)
  • Intermittent fasting
  • Walk the dog / get on the treadmill (I don’t care how cold or hot it is, get that body moving)
  • Make a collagen smoothie – google smoothie recipes for some awesome ideas
  • Brush your teeth, wash your face, give yourself a mini facial or at least a detox scrub (I have some fantastic organic facial recipes to share)
  • Do at least 20 minutes of yoga stretches or if you are feeling bold do a 30 minute power yoga session 🙂
  • Start an exercise routine
  • Make a hot cup of coffee or tea – drink it slow and savor the flavor 🙂
  • Meditate for at least 5 minutes (download the Simple Habit, Calm or HeadSpace app for an easy guided meditation) – or just sit in silence as you drink your tea/coffee/smoothie
  • Practice grounding and earthing
  • Peruse your garden and cut fresh flowers for your home – assuming you have a garden, if not, steal your neighbors flowers and put them in a vase (LOL, kidding, well, kind of)
  • Write in your journal (express your gratitude, set your goals, write down your worries and let them go) – Don’t know how to journal or where to begin?  start here
  • Read your gratitude list out loud and thank the Universe, God, Buddha, whatever you believe in for another beautiful day in this life
  • Take a hot shower and be in the moment (you can also take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender before bed to wash away the day)
  • Get ready for your day (do your hair, put on makeup)
  • Dress to impress (even if you work from home – yoga pants are not pants)
  • If you commute, put on your favorite music or audio book – enjoy the time you have to yourself

Its just as easy and important to create an “evening wind-down ritual” as well (Contact Us for ideas to create your evening ritual).

Until soon!

Namaste

Journey to Discovering Your Purpose

Your purpose in life can be as simple or as complicated as you require it to be.  You don’t need to aspire to be Beyonce or the Dahli Lama to have a meaningful life purpose.  The only thing you need it to do is fulfill yourself on all levels but mostly your soul level.

Your life’s purpose is solely specific to you.

Some people never figure out their life’s purpose and others think they figure it out and then realize that they were wrong.  I think when you figure it out, when you nail it, you feel it deep down in your soul…like “this is exactly what I was meant for”.

I also truly believe, and this is just me, that we have many different purposes as we cycle through life.  For instance I know one of my life’s purpose is to be a mother to these two boys of mine.  There is nothing in the world I am more proud of and that brings me as much joy as knowing they exist and that I brought them here.

But my purpose doesn’t stop there.

My secondary purpose, and I learned this through my biggest life lesson thus far, is my gift of empowering people (mostly women).  I am not an extreme feminist.  In fact I am quite traditional and believe in the institution of marriage (kind of) and I do believe in relationship “roles”, however, I know that a lot of women struggle with losing themselves in relationships and fall apart when they are not in one.  In addition, there are a lot of women that allow men to take away their spirit and breakdown their esteem to the point of extinction.  These women are fragile, confused, broken and traumatized – I know what this feels like because I was there.

My purpose is to help these women find themselves again.  To find happiness inside themselves and to stop allowing people to take away their peace.  I build them up and make them see their own beauty and help them find their own purpose in this beautiful life that really is so short.

So our purpose is often revealed during the hardest struggles of our lives.  That is why they say “there is beauty in the struggle” because there is.  This is why you must learn the lessons that the Universe wants to teach you, the first time, so you can feel and experience that beauty.

Your life purpose can be to travel, learn different cultures and pass the knowledge on to others through vices like blogging; or your purpose could be to work with animal rescues; or abused women helping them find safety; or to work with children in some capacity.  The options are truly endless.


Identifying your purpose is simple once you start putting a few things into practice:

  1.  Sit with yourself – get quiet – start asking yourself what your soul needs to feel accomplished in this lifetime
  2. Ask yourself, if you were to have a limited time on this earth (which we do) what would you want to do with that time
  3. Start journaling your passions, define them, see how you react as you start writing things down, do you get motivated and excited?

Once you have defined your purpose, start taking action, and once you do…the Universe follows suit and things start falling into place.

 

 

 

Letting go and finding you

Letting go is probably the easiest thing to say but the hardest thing in life to do.  Letting go involves so many different emotions…but mainly, fear.

We hang on tight to whatever it is that owns us because we are afraid to trust ourselves, the Universe and God to catch us as we inevitably fall.  There is a release when we let go which can be exciting and terrifying at the same time.  Sometimes we are ready for it, but its letting go of that last grip that paralyzes us.

We know its time, we have known for a while, but knowing and doing are so different.  When you finally let go, its over.  Then what?  Its time for your next journey!  There is no more waiting for something to change or get better.  You have surrendered to the fact that that which you let go of, will no longer will be.

Letting go is a process which involves self discovery and it can be a long one, so it is incredibly important to honor yourself during this time.  You need to feel whatever feelings come up and do not push them away for another time (because I promise, they will return).  Feel them and then let them go.  Honor what you need at that moment.  Do you need to isolate? do you need support? do you need to work with a counselor?  It is important that you give yourself whatever it is you need at the time to be able to move forward with letting go and not jump backwards trying to preserve yourself.

Please know that friends will not always come with you…letting go of one thing may cause a trickle down effect that may cause you to let go other things along the way (been there, done that).  You may find, as you go along your beautiful journey that some people and circumstances may no longer serve you on this new path that you have carved for yourself.  That is OK, let them go.  You can love them as you always have but you acknowledge that they no longer serve your Highest Self.

Now its time to find you (this is the exciting part)!

Now that you have let go of what was weighing you down and holding you back, let’s explore:

Who are you?

What excites you?

What emotions do you feel after letting go?

What does a blank slate look like to you?

Where are you struggling with the most?

Start journaling your thoughts and feelings, daily, or even multiple times a day (I carry a journal with me).  Documenting your journey is the best way to (a) gage progress (b) understanding who you were vs. who you are today (c) see where you are headed and what your road blocks are.

There are many reasons to hold on but even more reasons to let go.  Letting go releases those binds that hold us to things that are not good for us.  Letting go truly does open the door for so much good to enter.

If you close a door, a window will open, trust me, I say this from experience.

Letting go is a painful lesson on life’s journey but the rewards once you get to the other side are amazing.

~Peace~Love~Light~

Avesha

 

Daily Prompt: Warning

Via Daily Prompt: Warning

Warning 911 – is the first thing that comes to mind.

However the next thought is about our warning centers within our bodies.  When your hand gets too close to a flame or a burner…your brain sends out a warning signal.  DO NOT TOUCH is the message.  Right?

The same is true with our relationships with people, our intuition give us a warning signal when it senses a red flag.  Ever get a pit in your stomach and feel something isn’t right (but ignore it LOL).  Have you known something was wrong but couldn’t put your finger on it….those are your intuitive warning signals, not meant to be ignored.

Listen to the warnings from your body and trust your intuition.

~love~light~peace~joy~

Photo by Goh Rhy Yan on Unsplash