expectations, do you have them?

I am 45 years old and have recently discovered something that was missing from my life, yep, you guessed it, expectations.

Despite having one too many expectations of myself (yes, this is the curse of being an over-achiever) I virtually had no expectations of others in my life.  I am currently working on this.

In my personal relationships especially is where I lack. I had this notion that I had to be absolutely perfect and self sufficient otherwise I was not lovable.  Only problem is, when you are too busy trying to be perfect, which is impossible, you are also setting unrealistic expectations on the other side which leaves no room for vulnerability or the ability to just be yourself.

Also, when you have no expectations of a partner, you give and give and receive nothing in return which is exactly how you structure things.  You have designed your relationship this way, for whatever reason, maybe for control and safety?   However, existing like this, is completely one sided and can be quite lonely.  When you give and do not receive anything back, you are basically the only contributor to a one sided relationship.  This can wear on your soul, over time.

You may tell yourself that you are happy with things this way, by existing this way you think you have some sort of control because you rely on him or her for nothing. However, all you have done is isolate yourself in a one sided and empty relationship.  This does catch up with you!  Over time feelings of resentment creep in.  Truly at no fault to your partner, as you taught him or her early on that this is what you would accept.

Nothing.

This is fear based behavior.  When you live in a place of fear you are constantly afraid of losing something.  In my case, my biggest fear was if he knows I am not perfect, he will leave.

How sad is that thought process!  No one is perfect, not even a little.

So I am on this amazing Journey of preparing myself for a healthy and happy relationship and my next step is setting boundaries and expectations knowing what I really want and expect from a relationship and partner.

Truth be told, this is kind of fun for me.  I love healing work.

Below I have listed a few of my expectations of a relationship, some are quite simple (see if any resonate with you):

  1. Emotional maturity and availability
  2. Loyalty
  3. Support (this one is HUGE for me)
  4. Guidance/Teaching
  5. Patience
  6. Affection
  7. Respect
  8. Fun
  9. Love
  10. Vulnerability
  11. Intimacy

There are more, but this is a good start.  I don’t think I have experienced even ONE of these in the 19 years of relationships I was in.  Maybe “fun”, but only at the expense of my integrity and morals sometimes.  There was always a cost.

So I empower you to ask yourself – do you have expectations of the important people in your life?  Your husband, boyfriend, children, co-workers, boss?  If not, start thinking about what you want those expectations to be and jot them down.

I am also working on this in my professional life.  What are the expectations I have of myself that are realistic, of my staff, my co-workers, my boss and the Company as a whole.

We really do teach people how we want to be treated.  If we allow certain behaviors we are telling them that its OK.  If we don’t accept certain behaviors, we are training people to treat us the way we deserve.

Some of this stuff is so simple you almost can’t believe it takes so long to “get it’.

Would love to hear from you if you are in the process of setting boundaries and expectations for yourself and others.

Namaste

As always, please contact us if you would like to set up a coaching appointment.  I would love to work with you on setting your expectations.

– be what you wish to attract –

Today is my mental – day one – in manifesting my most precious desire (notice I didn’t say..need) – a healthy, supportive and loving relationship.

For so long, like ever, I have attracted and engaged in very unhealthy relationships and yes by now we all know why…I had not healed my childhood wounds and I was completely re-enacting my childhood trauma (the horrible relationship with my father – yep “daddy issues”) by choosing these completely unavailable and unhealthy men to play the part so I could continuously try to heal my inner child stuff.

Well that tactic failed and might I say miserably so after this last traumatic episode I chose to heal those wounds once and for all.

Thanks to EMDR and a number of other healing modalities I have made it over the bridge and feel like a totally and completely different person.  In fact I know I am a different person because I hear that statement all the time.

It feels good to know that I am no longer living as that little wounded girl and I have come to peace with many things including forgiving myself for some really bad choices.

We all make mistakes, the goal is to learn from them and move on without repeating them.

Sometimes it takes something MASSIVE to happen that shakes us and spits us on out the sidewalk for us to finally get that things have to change.  Thankfully there is always time for change, no matter how old you are.

So now that I am living in the calm, as I like to call it….I am feeling like that next step in life would be to have what I have NEVER experienced and that would be a healthy loving and supportive relationship with someone who is completely capable.

WHAT A CONCEPT HUH?

So it took a series of steps to get here. Starting with breaking away from the narcissist and removing any and all toxic & unhealthy people from my life.  BRILLIANT DECISION!

Everything after that just fell into place.

So here is what I have learned:

  1.  Self love is for real and it’s awesome.  This is the FIRST and most critical step to manifesting someone healthy and capable.  If you want more info on this see my many self love posts in this blog.
  2. Be whatever it is you want to manifest.  You want someone healthy, you have to be healthy yourself, you want someone honest and loyal, be that.  You want someone interested in fitness…workout and take care of yourself.  You want someone who is emotionally available..you have to BE emotionally available and capable of intimacy.  It’s THAT FREAKIN SIMPLE.
  3. Do not settle.  Period.
  4. Make room for him/her.  Do not keep yourself so busy (one version of void filling) that you don’t have time for someone to come into your life.
  5. Be clear on the type of person you wish to share your life with.  After self love this is the most critical.  You don’t have to be too specific but know what you want in a person.  This is key in manifesting the right person.
  6. Be patient and trust in the process.  The Universe is always listening.  Sometimes we confuse her.  If one moment we are longing for love and the next minute we keep ourselves so busy we close ourselves off…she won’t know what to make of it.  Be clear.
  7. Know that what you get isn’t always what you envision but trust the Universe knows what is right for you.  Sometimes it can come in a different package than we had constructed in our minds.  That is OK.
  8. Enjoy your life.  You do not have to scour tinder and match to find your partner.  Sometimes you can just be doing something you love and they will walk into your world.  Embrace it.

Remember, being single and happy is better than being in a relationship and being miserable.  I learned this the hard way.

If your goal is to manifest someone wonderful, I encourage you to take these steps.

Good luck and enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

The Empowered Soul

What is the definition of “Empowerment”?


Empowerment Means:

  • The process of becoming stronger & more confident.
  • Gaining or claiming control of your life  and your rights.
  • Being more assertive and powerful in your personal and professional life.
  • Going after what you desire and feeling you deserve it.
  • Trusting your intuition to make good decisions.

What does it mean to be Empowered?


This is solely up to you.

Each person defines Empowerment differently as it pertains to their own goals and what they are looking to achieve.

I am requesting that you to dig deep here and ask yourself – “how do I want & what do I need to be Empowered?”

(personal exercise: what does empowerment mean to you? – please write this down in your journal – be descriptive – this is the first step in the empowerment process)


What Empowerment means, in the words of some beautiful women


  • Strength, wisdom, independence
  • Living in the now & being at peace with my complexities
  • Being my best self
  • The ability to take all of life’s challenges & rise just how we are
  • Feeling in control of your life
  • Being able to make decisions & have options
  • Self care and a loving relationship with yourself
  • Feeling free to be yourself without worrying about what someone else might think
  • Having the strength to recognize and travel my own path and not the path others would lay out for me
  • Supporting yourself, and those around you, to provide the confidence needed to voice feelings and take action
  • Having the confidence to say no or walk away from a toxic or unhealthy situation
  • Setting boundaries

How to become Empowered

Intuition


Below are a number of suggestions on how to Empower yourself to be more confident, self-assured, powerful and more importantly to trust your intuition.

There is no timeline on how long it takes to become empowered, but the key is to be consistent and to always be working on yourself!

Remember we are all a work in progress!

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~


Exercise, Oftenyoga-698114_1920


No more using the “I don’t have time” excuse.

Exercise changes our mindset and gives us more confidence (this is a top KeyStone habit) – for more information on Keystone habits visit my website at http://www.aveshaempower.com

Exercise comes in many forms, you do not have to join a gym to start an exercise routine.  Here are some examples of ways you can get exercise:

  1. Wake up early and walk your dog (or at night after work)
  2. Start a Yoga, Pilates or a BootCamp or interval training routine (at home or a local studio)
  3. Hop on that treadmill (yep, the one you don’t use)
  4. Walk with friends at lunch (organize a walking group)
  5. Take a hike – this is an amazing grounding or earthing exercise that can truly change your mindset as soon as you enter the forest
  6. Download an exercise app (there are plenty of them to choose from) – ask me and I will recommend a few

Find your inner “bitch”


Yup, I said it, be a bitch!

  1. Honor yourself
  2. Put yourself first (I promise this is not being selfish)
  3. Speak up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in
  4. Say NO whenever it is appropriate
  5. Do NOT tolerate behaviors that are not healthy for you!
  6. Let go of those that do not serve your greatest good

Enjoy being with YOURSELF


Notice I did not use the word, alone?

Why?  because you are not alone – unless of course you are living in isolation which I would guarantee you are not.

But in all seriousness you are not alone, you have yourself – and who is better than that?  No one!

Get comfy with who you are, enjoy your own company, spend time doing the things you enjoy doing and you will discover a lot about yourself by doing so.  Spend some time in nature…enjoy the peacefulness and the beauty of all that surrounds you.

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and go for a hike, find a nice place to rest and write about how you feel.  Nature is very grounding!  Sit with your thoughts and then write about them)


Say NO and feel good about it!


Everyone, including you, has the right to say no.

So, if there is something you do not want to do or that you are not comfortable with – use your voice!

Say no, confidently, knowing you are honoring yourself.

**Disclaimer: make sure you say no in a non-offensive way…you don’t want to intentionally upset anyone.**

(personal exercise: Grab your journal and think of a scenario where you would like to say No but you don’t – write it down in your journal – how does it make you feel when you thinking of saying no?  write that down too)


Try new things!

Things


Seriously, try anything (within reason).

Make a list and check them off one by one (bucket lists).

Examples:

  1. Take a class (art, cooking, photography, pottery)
  2. Try making soap or jewelry
  3. Take up a sport or start exercising – daily
  4. Travel with someone or alone
  5. DIY projects (refinish furniture, paint something)
  6. SUP/Kayak, hiking, get out into nature
  7. Yoga
  8. Create a Meetup Group
  9. Go back to school and take classes

The list is endless really….start making your list right now (journal exercise)


Remove toxic people from your life!danger-3061159_1280


This is probably the most important thing you can do in your life to move forward (and the scariest and the hardest to do).

This includes:

  • Dramatic people
  • Negative people
  • People with opposite morals/values
  • Time and life suckers
  • Users
  • Addicts

Let them go.

If they do not bring you happiness and only cause you stress, anxiety or dread…its time to move on .  However, if you cannot remove them from your life, at least set boundaries with them.

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and make a list of those you need to create boundaries with or to remove from your life altogether)


Know and accept your beauty,

inside and out!butterfly-3252893_1920


Self acceptance and self love is the most critical piece to our self worth!

How we feel about ourselves is how others perceive us.

Remember…the mirror?

Put it this way, if you don’t love you….and I mean all of you, who will?

Ok so your butt is big, your eyes are too small, you are too short or too tall, you could use a few pounds or could lose a few pounds – who cares, no one is perfect.  Never compare yourself to anyone!  You are unique.

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and write down what makes you loveable? start a list in your journal of at least 7 or more of your most amazing qualities and add to it over time)


Define YOUR own success!


Remember success is specific to you and your unique goals!

Let’s set some obtainable goals BIG & small so you can figure out with your life coach or by yourself how you will reach these goals (i.e. relationship, weight loss, new job, life balance, work, no work, buying a house, raising kids, cars, vacations, school, etc.)

Set time lines (we all do better when we know what is expected of us and some of us work better when we are under pressure).

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and start making a list of obtainable goals and add to it over time)


LOVE& Respect Yourself!

Madly & Unconditionallyheart-3280747_1920


  • Set a daily routine
  • Sleep at least 7 hours
  • Eat Healthy & Amazing Foods (work with your coach on this)
  • Exercise regularly (*yoga, walking, hiking*)
  • Meditate daily (download the Simple Habit app for guided meditation)
  • Get a massage or Energy Healing
  • Spend time with nature (hike, go to the park)
  • Read a good book or two/LESS SCREEN TIME AND GET OFF FACEBOOK
  • Spend time with healthy people
  • Journal
  • Set KeyStone Habits

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and write down ways you can love yourself more)


Monitor your thoughts, often!


Be conscious of the stories you are telling yourself (do not let your “stories” be defined by anything but your Higher Self)

Let go of the past and create a new story (not just a chapter)!  Remember, your past does not define you.

Keep your thoughts positive & motivating (do not ruminate about the past)

(tip:  choose to have daily mantras sent to you (there are plenty of apps to choose from, pick one that works best for you)

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal write down the thoughts that keep swirling in your mind which are keeping you from being mindful)

  ~The mind is everything, what you think you become~


Conclusion


Making significant changes in your life and healing from any sort of trauma or bad experiences takes time and Empowering yourself takes lots of work and energy to keep going.

There will be times you want to give up, you won’t see your progress (although others do) and you may even feel its not worth it.  Do not stop, ever, by all means, have a down “poor me” day, eat ice cream, wallow in sadness but do not give up.

Wake up the next morning….get on your yoga mat, take a walk, make a smoothie, sing in the shower, do whatever you have to do to motivate and keep going but do NOT give up.

This workshop was created to Empower you to be your Best and Highest Self.  I have done the work, I know how hard it is, but once you get to the other side, you will see that its worth it.

Love and Healing Always,

Namaste

Contact us at Avesha if you like us to join you on your new Empowerment Journey!

Ways to Honor Yourself

I am a self-proclaimed expert in the art of self-love and self-care.  I have gone from abusing myself in many ways to falling madly in love with myself on so many levels.

Self-love is such a personal thing that it is almost impossible for me to tell someone exactly how to love themselves, however, I feel I am educated enough on the topic to be able to make suggestions on where to start when someone is first entering their Journey into self-love and self-care.

Routines are very important because consistency is the key to any successful change.  It takes 21-26 days for a routine to become a habit.  In the beginning you will have to remind yourself that its important to do xyz… however, over time, it will just be a natural part of your day and one that you will look forward to.

For instance, I used to fear mornings…I would wake up with so many thoughts circling around in my head.  I would instantly feel alone and anxious.  So, when I started on my Journey to healing the first thing I created was a morning routine.  I created a beautiful and peaceful morning routine that eased my anxiety, soothed my soul and prepared me for the day ahead.  This routine is so amazing that I actually look forward to my mornings now, for the first time in my life.

So I speak from experience when I provide suggestions and ideas that may help you.


Below are ways you can honor yourself each and every day:

  1. Respect your body – there are so many levels of this topic that I would love to address but will focus on this one area – your body is yours and not to be given to anyone who doesn’t honor you.  Respect yourself and others will follow suit.
  2. Honor where you are at – wherever you are in life, know that you are exactly where you need to be at that moment.  Know that nothing stays the same forever, we have free will and the ability to create change and suffering doesn’t last.
  3. Feel your feelings – whatever they are…feel them.  Anxious, sad, mad, happy, elated, excited, nervous.  Sit with them and feel them.  Let them guide you.  If you are unhappy or anxious do not stuff them or hide them, they will resurface with a vengeance.  Feel them, and then let them go.
  4. Treat yourself – what do you enjoy?  a coffee at the cafe, massages, dinner with friends, a weekend retreat, yoga a few times a week, facials, hot baths?  what is your thing?  whatever it is…do it.
  5. Forgive yourself – we are human and make mistakes, lots of them!   Forgive yourself for those you have hurt, for the bad choices you made, for the hurt you caused yourself, acknowledge these things and forgive yourself.  Then let it go.
  6. Tell yourself how amazing you are – because you are smart, kind, loving, sweet, beautiful, hard working and so many other things.  Tell yourself.  Don’t wait for someone else to validate you, validate yourself.
  7. Celebrate your wins – there is always a win, even if all you did was get out of bed, get your kids off to school, make it to work on time, those are wins!
  8. Support yourself through losses – you will have down days, things that didn’t go as planned, someone will hurt you or you will hurt someone.  Support yourself through those moments.
  9. Relax and rest your soul – take some time for you and only you. Give yourself a much needed time out.  Read a book, take a bath, walk in the park, get a pedicure, go to the gym, roll out the mat and do some yoga.  Whatever it is that fills your soul, do it.
  10. Find quiet time – create a “quiet zone” at home, decorate that space and deem it yours.  Use that space for your quiet time, no screens (TV, iPhone, iPad, etc.).  Close your eyes, meditate, listen to music, read.
  11. Exercise – this topic is in every single blog I write and I will beat it to death. Our bodies need movement.  Find what you enjoy and can commit to and move your body.  Walking, hiking, yoga, Pilates, Barre, HIIT, boot camp, etc.  Get on that treadmill, go to the park, do yoga at home or a studio, download a boot camp app.  Just commit to at least 3x a week of movement.
  12. Do things you love – are you creative – start by doing some DIY projects, enjoy time with people – join or start a MeetUp group, want to learn something new – take a class.  The sky is the limit.
  13. Put yourself first – it is not selfish!
  14. Set goalsgoal setting is very empowering and keeps us on task.  It also helps us manifest the things we desire.
  15. Seek solace in nature – nature is very grounding and provides us with a direct connection to earth. Spending time in nature, either on the beach, in the woods, planting in your garden can help ease anxiety and ground us back to a healthy place.
  16. Feed your body nourishing foods – you are what you eat, enough said!

I hope you can identify with a number of these suggestions.

Contact Us for a free coaching session.

~joy~love~light~

-Avesha

Describe your perfect day!

Empowerment exercise!

I was working with my own Life Coach on Friday (yes, Coaches have their own Tribe as well) and we were discussing some manifestation techniques with regard to how I am going to get to the phase of my Journey <so exciting!>

After our session, which focused on my long terms goals that I have set I started thinking about how I wanted to focus more on the day to day vs. the long term.  I am a big believer in goal setting and believe that working towards those goals give us purpose and a sense of accomplishment once we have met them.  However, I felt I needed more.

So I came up with the following exercise for myself and I believe this could benefit everyone who is interested in manifesting the things they desire in their life.


Here we go!

Grab your goals journal and your favorite pen.  Settle down somewhere comfortable and quiet, light a candle and close your eyes.   Take some time to imagine your perfect day.  Once you have a clear picture in your head, take to your journal and write down everything that came to mind.

  1. What day of the week is it?
  2. Are you alone or with someone? (or multiple people)
  3. Where are you (beach, the park, at home)?
  4. How long did it take you to get there?
  5. How did you get there?
  6. Describe where you are; what do you see?
  7. How do you feel being there? (be descriptive! – do you feel happy, excited, anxious?)
  8. What is missing from this day?
  9. How could you make it better?

They key is to not lift the pen off the paper until you no longer see the vision and are done writing.

At the end of the exercise please review what you have written in your journal.  Compare the magical day you created to the way you normally spend your day.  Recognize the differences and jot them down.

What would it take for you to actually LIVE your perfect day?

Something to think about!

~Joy~Light~Love~