Category Archives: self improvement

Becoming the best You!

I empower you to ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are you living as the best version of yourself?
  2. Are you living your life in a way that brings you peace and contentment?
  3. Am I honoring myself and truly living my best life?

The following will help you as you do the work to become your best self!

Practice Balance

We must balance our life in order to be our best and most healthy self.  When we are trying to “manage” life without balance we tend to burn out quickly.

Creating a balanced lifestyle will help you avoid the crash & burn which leads to anxiety, depression and stress.  Commit to a self care routine – even 15 minutes a day doing something for yourself (i.e. yoga, meditating, taking a walk or a soak in an Epsom salt and lavender bath) will re-charge and refresh your soul.

Shift your self perception

During the process of learning who you are, you will experience painful moments.

Rather than resisting or struggling against these times, breathe into them. Shift your perspective so that you appreciate these moments knowing they are helping you grow.

I read this sentence in an article recently and it resonated with me “Feel it, its going to hurt. But every moment you are sobbing, you are doing the work.  Every moment you are hurting, you are healing.  The only way out, is through.”

Thank the Universe for this learning opportunity, forgive yourself and those who have hurt you and focus on all the wonderful things that make you who you are.

Have and live your values

What is your Mantra?

If you haven’t defined the best version of yourself, begin with your values.

What are the most important values in your personal life and work?

What values do you use to define the person you are now and who do you want to be in the future.

Get very clear on those and write your values in your journal and add to them over time as you start to shift perspective.

Vision

Spend some time with yourself and create a vision for your future life.  Look at every aspect of your life and envision how you want it to look 1 year from now, 5 years from now, etc.

You can do this through journaling, drawing, vision boards etc.

This is a fun  and creative way to manifest a vision.

Create a Put into Action Plan

Once you have brought your vision to life it is time to execute an action plan on how to receive all you desire.  Setting goals is important and a huge part of creating the vision.  Use stepping stones to get there….one step at a time.

Create rituals

I love rituals as I speak of them in almost every blog.  Rituals create a pattern or a habit and create consistency which is critical with self-love and self-care.  It is easy to start something and eventually fizzle out.  I personally have learned from experience that rituals keep us on task and motivated to keep going.

Let go

We all have those people in our life that have been in our life a while, however we aren’t sure why we still engage with them.  They are a negative time-suck and are actually toxic to our existence.  We dodge their phone calls, don’t return their texts but still we keep them around.

Let them go!

If they no longer serve you in a positive way, if you feel drained from being in their presence, let them go.

By letting them go you will open the door for something better.

Simplify

Determine what you really need in life to be happy. Usually its the simplicity of life that brings us the happiest moments.

Exercise:  host a de-clutter ritual in your home.  It can be very healing.

Create a life you don’t need a vacation from

How many times do you hear people say, “uh, I need a vacation”.  Guess what, you can go away but you must return.  Since a vacation isn’t forever why don’t you create a life that you don’t need to run away from.  Make your home your sanctuary.  Create rituals in your life that give you a break from reality without having to spend thousands to do so.

Trust your intuition

Listen to your gut….always.  Intuition will never steer you the wrong way.

Focus on exercise/nutrition

Start an exercise routine today if you haven’t already.  There are so many wonderful and free resources out there to help you design your own wellness routine.  If you need help creating this routine, please contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com and we will get you started.  This also includes nutrition.  Start a Keystone Habit involving exercise and eating healthy and watch everything else fall into place.

Work on forgiveness and healing

Where you are wounded, where you are hurt, where you are frightened — seek healing. Restore yourself. Get well again. Do what must be done to heal. You can’t be the best version of yourself when you are emotionally, mentally, or physically unwell.

Express gratitude

Spend a few minutes in gratitude every day through mindful meditation. Focus on all the blessings in your life and thank the Universe for them. Being grateful for what you do have and acknowledging that gratitude will change your mindset over time.

Give back

There are many ways to give back, either through community work or spending time with your friends and sharing this new mindset with your them.  Everyone can benefit from being their happiest and healthiest self.

What is your best version of yourself, and how are you working to become that person?

Namaste’

Who are you?

Through the process of self-discovery I realized that I had spent so much time living the way I wanted others to see me that I wasn’t being my true and authentic self. After much time alone in self-discovery mode I have truly found my path on this Journey and it is incredible.

One of the best things that I did was removing myself from all social media (i.e. Facebook, Instagram). In fact this is first thing I require my coaching clients to do. This helps them regain their sense of worth, empowers them to validate themselves and frees up a lot of time that they were spending looking at other people’s lives and comparing their own lives to another’s. This is not healthy.

My advice to everyone who is on a Journey of healing is — GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! Yes, I am yelling 🙂

Once you remove yourself from social media or at least Facebook, you can start to learn who you are and get to know yourself without all of the noise and the constant chaos of social media. You won’t be posting something in hopes of validation that someone “liked” it and disappointment when they don’t. Instead, that validation will come from within. It is critical that you learn to validate yourself and not seek your self worth from others.

It took me a good solid and downright painful year of solitude to figure out who I was, the good and the not so good. I found it to be easier to start with the broken side of me, because that is usually the most obvious and well its the hardest to face and conquer.

I learned very quickly that I was a complete control freak which derived from a severe fear of abandonment. I literally tried to control every single aspect of my life. I knew this needed to change. So I dug deep with a therapist and we started working to heal those childhood wounds. I learned that because of my need for control, I wasn’t even remotely enjoying life I was steering and driving it to go the way I thought it needed to go and missing the beauty of surprise which can be so magical. I was missing all of the magic.

The reality is, it is impossible to control every aspect of our lives, but this is a hard lesson to learn for sure.

I learned many other things about myself which were depressing, interesting, eye opening and confusing all at the same time but I have to say, this Journey of self discovery has been truly amazing. Learning about yourself is cathartic on so many levels and really opens up the doors to healing.

So, after I started working through the “bad” stuff, the positive parts of me surfaced and I have discovered some really neat things about me.

Like….I am more of an introvert than an extrovert, which was highly surprising to me. In the past I always centered myself around people and truly felt I needed people to survive. This is no longer the case. I understand now that it was my intense fear of being alone that drove a more extroverted behavior and not that I was an actual extrovert.

I also learned that I am very creative, intuitive and philosophical a true to form Sagittarius.

As a result of all this work, I really appreciate and even crave my alone/down time so much, I process information differently, I look forward to every moment I spend on my yoga mat and I am actually able to meditate on my own now. I used to think with meditation you had to shut down your brain to the point that no thoughts entered which is impossible and not what is required. Once I got the concept of simply “resting your body and mind” even for 5 minutes, I saw the benefits immediately.

Because of this transition I am a better person. My relationships are stronger and deeper. I have zero tolerance for toxic people and because of this I made a conscious choice to only surround myself with people who I feel good around. Sounds a little selfish, but it isn’t. Life is short and spending it with people who emotionally drain you or continuously take from you is not healthy, for either person. 

Always choose yourself.

The old me used to be busy constantly, planning my weekends in advance and making sure I always had a social function to attend or in the very least, people to spend time with. Now, I value my time so much, that I refuse to plan my life away. Some things are avoidable and there are times you need to plan things in advance. But my weekends are my time and most of the time I don’t know what I want to do until I tackle the day and sometimes I just want to do my own thing with no responsibilities or commitments and I want that flexibility to decide. This is OK!

Through this amazing transformation I have learned who I am as a person, a mother, friend, co-worker, employee and person of society and I truly like who I am. There are things I am working on and things that will not change that I have to accept about myself, but overall I am the healthiest I have ever been. I am grateful to have had this time to find me.

So, I encourage you to ask yourself…who are you? do you like you? and what would you change if you could?

Namaste’

Interested in life coaching?

Visit http://www.AveshaEmpower.com and contact us to schedule a free consultation

What I wish I always knew

When you are broken, let it motivate you to become who you really are meant to be.

Whatever that is.  Whoever that is.

Don’t let that experience go to waste.  Embrace it.  Feel it.  Own it.  Despise it.  Then love it.  Respect it.

It teaches you something.

Be YOU!

Whatever that is.  Whoever that is.

It is important that you learn the lesson or it will repeat and beat you up ten fold next time.

Look at yourself in the mirror, write yourself a love note, meditate and thank God for creating you.

Because there is only one you and you are AMAZING!
Continue reading →

Be who you wish to meet!

Would you date yourself?

I have been empowering myself the past few days to really figure out who I am, what makes me tick, what I want and who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  The message I received is….”would you date yourself?”

Chances are, if I don’t want to be with myself, why would anyone else want to be with me.  Right?

Yesterday I was driving to town and I drove by a church, out front it had a sign that said “Be Who You Want to Meet”.  Awesome!  I love when I get messages like that.  They are so blatant but so intimate and personal at the same time.

So many of us ask the Universe for messages and we miss them because we don’t accept these little messages as gifts from the Universe, but that is what they are.

After talking to a friend about some personal goals I am trying to achieve, I told him about my question…would I date myself.  He found this intriguing, as do I.

So I asked myself the question and the answer is private so I will not be sharing in this post – but let me just say, once you ask yourself this question, it prompts more questions and is very helpful with self discovery.

This simple question can lead to so many other questions that can then guide you to discover what areas you need to focus on to further develop yourself.

So, today I empower you to ask yourself…”would I date me”???

And then explore the why’s of yes and no…and focus on the positive not just the negative.

For example you might say, “yes of course I would date myself!” with sheer confidence..like, “duh, why wouldn’t I, that’s just silly!”

Ok, yes, you are awesome and you would date yourself, now tell yourself why, maybe list all the reasons. (i.e. I am super smart, funny, a lot of fun to be with, spontaneous, good looking, etc).    Then ask yourself….would you date yourself for an extended period of time?  would you marry yourself?  are there things that would annoy you and if so, what are they? what do you see as a problem area if you were to date or marry yourself (i.e. are you stubborn, a poor communicator, selfish, a bad listener, can’t compromise, etc.”)

What a fantastic way to discover – (a) why you are able to attract but not sustain a partner (b) not attract a partner at all (c) or why you aren’t able to commit (d) why you are fantastic at long term relationships, etc.

We are all unique and have our own relationship successes and struggles.  Sometimes we know people who are super lucky and seem to have no issues with relationships and we also know people who can’t seem to get it right, ever (this was me).

They say what you focus on and where you put your energy is what you are manifesting.  So, when you want to change career fields what do you do?  you educate yourself, study, take courses, get certified etc.  Then you start looking for the job, putting your feelers out, creating an amazing resume and then go online and apply for jobs.  Therein starts the manifestation process.  You are now focusing your energy on this new “thing” you desire and that is how to manifest what you want.

Same goes for a relationship.  You attract, what you are.  You spend your energy on the wrong people, that is what you will continuously attract.

If you are in a place of emotional unavailability..guess what you will manifest and draw to you?  yep, someone who is also emotionally unavailable.  Its really that simple.

It is not rocket science and the law of attraction is not hokey.  Think about it, ever have a bad day, you spill coffee on yourself and you get angry, then you get in the car and you are out of gas so you get even angrier then you get to work and you spill water all over your keyboard (yes all of this has happened to me).

The lesson here is, the more you feed that negative energy the more you will attract it.

If you simply, breathe…change your shirt or pants, and do not allow negative energy to take over, then you can carry on with your day.  Even if you are out of gas…ok, go to gas station and fill the tank and again, carry on with your day.  Leave all that negative energy behind.  Otherwise you will have an entire day filled with negative things happening.

You can also turn negative things around and make them positive.  The power really does live inside of you.

I digress.

So be who you want to meet.  Such a simple concept but so powerful at the same time.

Namaste

 

 

 

Everything is a moment

Nothing is better or worse than this moment because this moment is the only one that truly exists.

As is noted and quoted frequently, “the past is gone and the future has not yet happened” – therefore the only true moment we have is right now, this moment, this second, this experience. Nothing else matters.

So with this knowledge, I empower you to ask yourself –

what is your action?

Are you going to keep living in the past? Are you hoping to bring a certain moment back so you can relive that same experience? or are you desperately hoping for a “re-do” so you can take the knowledge you have been given and with that you can handle a situation differently. (Ahhh wouldn’t that be nice?!)

Are you going to keep trying to control the future by predicting or guiding the outcome in your favor?

OR….

Are you going to focus on experiencing the NOW..not yesterday, last week, tomorrow, 3 weeks from now, next Christmas…you get my point!

Planning ahead for your future is fine, and sometimes necessary but you must leave room for the changes or bumps in the road that may change the course of your Journey.

Don’t get me wrong, you can “plan” for something as if it may happen, but you simply cannot predict or control the outcome and guarantee that it will.

Example:

Your child is born –

In your eyes he is brilliant, a leader, he is going to do great things.

So you plan his future, save for college, as he grows and develops you start putting YOUR ideas about his future into his head and into action about what he SHOULD do with his life.

Well, eventually your child grows up and he becomes his own person with his own purpose, his own likes and passions (or not) and unfortunately they don’t match your dreams and goals that you have for him.

So you become disappointed and frustrated because your child has not followed the path that you have created for him.

Ultimately this brings up feelings for you – rejection, failure, and fear for his future.

This happens because you didn’t leave room for change, you didn’t understand that your child, although he is your flesh and blood, he is not an extension of you. He has his own Journey to follow that may or may not be aligned with your vision for his life.

So the one thing we have to realize is, we have no control over anything.  Life is constantly changing and evolving around us.

Truthfully, I am grateful for this!

Can you imagine a life that didn’t change? What would we learn? How would we grow?

It is experiences, good and bad that shape us and make us into who we are (good and bad). We are never the same person – unless we stop growing.

Have you ever told a story from a long time ago. A story of struggle, a time you weren’t sure you were going to make it, but of course you did, and it made you so much stronger? You tell that story today with so much pride and even a little laughter at the situation thinking “wow, I can’t believe I made it through that!”

I have had some hard hard roads. Some of my experiences nearly broke me. However when I look back at those experiences I am truly grateful for them because they shaped me into the person I am today.

I am much more balanced from all these experiences and I am able to focus and appreciate each and every moment knowing that is all we really have.

This moment!

How to practice self love daily

How do you start your day?

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~

Self-love is not a trend, it is not something you do when you feel like it.  You don’t just “do self-love” after a break up or after you experience trauma.  Self-love is a life long practice that needs to be added to your every day life. With self-love comes the releasing of negative thoughts and self-criticism by embracing more of a loving and positive acceptance of yourself through forgiveness of yourself and others.

The Universal concept is that our thoughts create our actions and therefore those thoughts dictate the outcome in our lives.  Self-love is a very powerful and necessary practice and critical if you want to have healthy relationships with others.

Self-love is not selfish!

Taking care of and loving ourselves and being a whole, sound and emotionally healthy person allows us to take care of others without it feeling like a burden. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, if you don’t rest and relax your soul, then you will be of no help to others— especially yourself.  You will eventually feel drained and eventually there will be nothing left to give.  You must give to yourself as well as give to others.

Below is a a simple self-love checklist that may seem overwhelming to you at first, however, I promise that if you commit to adding a majority of them into your daily routine or practice as I like to call it, every single day, you’ll see the benefits immediately.

45 Ways to Practice Self-Love

  1. Create a quiet and safe zone in your home (may it be a corner, a closet, or a spare rom and deem it your “space”)
  2. Buy yourself fresh flowers (or cut them from your garden and display them)
  3. Grow a garden of fresh vegetables
  4. Start an exercise routine (yoga, pilates, the gym, take a walk) – increase those endorphins (see Creating a workout routine you can and will stick to)
  5. Read, take a nap, listen to music, sit quietly – please just rest your soul
  6. Buy yourself some new makeup and play with it
  7. Create a daily bucket list and post it
  8. Repeat the following mantra “I love and accept myself”
  9. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself
  10. Create a gratitude journal (see How to start Journaling – Keystone Habit)
  11. Start your day with meditation and yoga
  12. Implement a “treat yourself day” (mine is Friday)
  13. Dress nice, even if you don’t have to, put on those earrings, scarf and lipstick and show the world how beautiful you are
  14. Take a breath between your bites of food and savor the taste
  15. Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea and savor each sip
  16. Have a protein or collagen smoothie every morning
  17. Sleep at least 7 hours a day
  18. Say no and be ok with it
  19. Pay it forward, always
  20. Make someone feel good whenever you can
  21. Smile often, even if no one is smiling at you (they may think you are weird but that is ok)
  22. Eat food that is nourishing (put down the boxed food – unless its treat day)
  23. Get a massage and have them use essential oils
  24. Go for a hike or long walk in nature
  25. Be confident (walk and talk with confidence)
  26. Learn something new – dance classes, yoga, tennis lessons, start or join a MeetUp group
  27. Host a ladies night
  28. Call a friend and laugh for hours about nothing (no complaining)
  29. Spend time with your kids before they grow up and move away 😦
  30. Get a new haircut and/or buy some new makeup
  31. Eat chocolate guilt free (maybe on treat day)
  32. When someone offers your a compliment, simply say, “Thank you”
  33. Travel solo
  34. Set a no screen time in your house (dinner, after 9, etc)
  35. Set goals (see Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits)
  36. Take a day off and do something nice for yourself (go to the gym, coffee shop, shop, meet a friend for lunch, take a walk, sleep)
  37. Self-love mantra: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”
  38. Let go of what no longer serves you
  39. Buy a diffuser and infuse essential oils like lavender
  40. Write a letter to yourself and put it away for a year
  41. Host a dinner party
  42. Hire a coach or a counselor (see The real benefits of working with a Life Coach)
  43. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender (or whatever your favorite oil is)
  44. Make new friends (and remove those toxic ones)
  45. Clean out your closet and donate clothes you no longer wear

The biggest message I have is, be gentle with yourself and always honor where you are at every stage of your Journey.

The best advice I have been given – ever is to ~feel your feelings~

Namaste’

Contact Us if you would like to work with a coach to help you kick start your self-love and self care routine!

How do you start your day?

“Every day we are born again” – Buddha

Over time and by creating daily KeyStone Habits you can learn to transform your life into the one you deserve.  For this, I like to use the term – stepping stones.  Every little step you take brings you one step closer to your new and healthy life.

With stepping stones you literally take each and every day, one step at a time.  It takes self awareness, inspiration, determination and the drive to want to change and the commitment to stay on task (and focused) as you begin your new Journey.  I know, because I have done this work and although there were times I wanted to quit, I am so grateful I didn’t.

It takes 26 days for a habit to become a lifestyle.

There are so many ways to begin making little but impactful changes in your life. Personally I found that starting with a morning routine was the best place to begin my Journey to an emotionally healthy lifestyle.

Thankfully I am a morning person so creating a morning routine was easy as well as exciting for me.  This routine is very important to me as it provides me with much needed structure and it gives me something to look forward to each day as I rise in the morning.  This positive start to my day gets my head in the right place so I am ready to tackle my day with a clear mind and a peaceful soul.

I am grateful for this practice and I continue to alter it to adjust to life’s little changes and challenges.

Below are some”morning ritual” ideas to help you create your own daily practice –

  • Wake up with the sunrise (“early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” – Benjamin Franklin, famously)
  • Drink a glass of room temperature water (with lemon if you can – fantastic liver cleanse)
  • Intermittent fasting
  • Walk the dog / get on the treadmill (I don’t care how cold or hot it is, get that body moving)
  • Make a collagen smoothie – google smoothie recipes for some awesome ideas
  • Brush your teeth, wash your face, give yourself a mini facial or at least a detox scrub (I have some fantastic organic facial recipes to share)
  • Do at least 20 minutes of yoga stretches or if you are feeling bold do a 30 minute power yoga session 🙂
  • Start an exercise routine
  • Make a hot cup of coffee or tea – drink it slow and savor the flavor 🙂
  • Meditate for at least 5 minutes (download the Simple Habit, Calm or HeadSpace app for an easy guided meditation) – or just sit in silence as you drink your tea/coffee/smoothie
  • Practice grounding and earthing
  • Peruse your garden and cut fresh flowers for your home – assuming you have a garden, if not, steal your neighbors flowers and put them in a vase (LOL, kidding, well, kind of)
  • Write in your journal (express your gratitude, set your goals, write down your worries and let them go) – Don’t know how to journal or where to begin?  start here
  • Read your gratitude list out loud and thank the Universe, God, Buddha, whatever you believe in for another beautiful day in this life
  • Take a hot shower and be in the moment (you can also take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender before bed to wash away the day)
  • Get ready for your day (do your hair, put on makeup)
  • Dress to impress (even if you work from home – yoga pants are not pants)
  • If you commute, put on your favorite music or audio book – enjoy the time you have to yourself

Its just as easy and important to create an “evening wind-down ritual” as well (Contact Us for ideas to create your evening ritual).

Until soon!

Namaste