Category Archives: self love

Emotional First Aid List

“Whatever we resist persists”

– unknown

It is time to draw your focus in on what you want by setting your intentions and letting go of the past, heal old wounds and make room for your new story. But, before you can manifest your intentions there are steps you need to take to be able to draw in what you desire most. By focusing on your emotional first aid and clearing the negative from your life you will ensure that your path is clear for you to manifest your deepest desires.

Follow these steps to start the clearing process…

Set your mantra (one of mine is below) –
I am truth
I am loved
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am safe
I am balanced
I am happy

Stop running away from your feelings –
– allow unpleasant feelings to wash over you
– surrender to the emotion no matter how uncomfortable you feel
– use your intuition and memory to dig out the root cause of your emotion and discomfort

Burn your fears –
Write down on small strips of paper all negative feelings and obsessive thoughts and anything you want to release and burn them

Keep your best qualities on file (compliments you have received) –
Write them down and have them with you, always!

Stop putting off your passions – instead pour your energy into them

Count your blessings –
Cultivate a daily gratitude practice
List the 5 things you are most grateful for and be specific

Fall in love with your life and raise your vibration
– energy
– personal power
– attracting things we deserve and feel worthy of

Ways to raise your vibration –
Become conscious of your thoughts, everything you say or feel becomes your reality. When a negative thought pops up acknowledge it, thank it, dismiss it and turn it into something positive.

  • Find something beautiful and appreciate it.
  • Be conscious of the foods you eat.
  • Drink water.
  • Meditate.
  • Be grateful.
  • Practice acts of kindness.
  • Get your blood pumping-
    be active
    dance
    practice yoga
    just move…
  • Take a salt bath.
  • Walk barefoot in nature.
  • Be creative.
  • Breathe.
  • Be nice to strangers.
  • Go to the ocean.
  • Hug.

When you are grateful, fear disappears, and abundance appears!

– unknown
  • List the things that bring you joy and identify lack.
  • List three things you enjoy the most.
  • List the things you want to do in your lifetime.
  • List your long term and short term goals.
  • List your relationship goals (be specific).
  • List your financial and career goals.

Create a new story, chapter by chapter!

Stop being overwhelmed by life

“Love the life you live, live the life you love.”

– Bob Marley

Life can be overwhelming for a lot of us.

Jobs, homes, kids, dogs, friendships, relationships, etc. At times it may seem as if there is never an end to the things you have to do every day. Sometimes I wake up and it feels like ground hog day. That exact feeling is why I have created the best morning routine that helps me hop out of bed and start my day. Granted, I am an extreme morning person (yes, I am dead tired by 8pm), you do not have to be a morning person to enjoy getting out of the bed in the morning. A simple, but effective morning routine can change, everything.

For a number of people these responsibilities aren’t only overwhelming, they are paralyzing and instead of tackling their to do list, they accomplish nothing at all. If you are one of these people, don’t feel bad, you are not alone, many people struggle with having too much on their “to do list”.

Below are a few of my personal tips I use to manage my day to day life so that it doesn’t become overwhelming. Having raised two very busy and active boys solely by myself, physically and financially and through this experience I learned right quick that there are things that NEED to get done and then there is everything else. I learned to manage my time (and theirs) in a way that did not overwhelm me…all the time.

Disclosure: Admittedly, I am a neat freak with a hatred of clutter and disorganization so…for me to not feel overwhelmed there were things I HAD to handle that others may feel they could let go of. My point is, we are all different and what overwhelms some of us might not overwhelm others. So be thoughtful of what makes you feel accomplished and what frustrates you and then think about what you can let go of.

  1. Create and Implement a morning routine – I cannot stress enough the importance of a morning routine. How you start your day sets the stage for how your entire day will unfold. Baby steps are OK here…you can implement small changes at first until you get to your desired routine.
  2. Only take on what you can handle – say no once in a while, you don’t always need to be the one to volunteer. If your mind is saying NO but your mouth is saying YES then its clear you are not comfortable saying no, even when you need to. Something to be conscious of, are you a people pleaser?
  3. Set boundaries with people – you decide what works for you and what doesn’t. You are the Director of your life.
  4. ALWAYS make time for self care – self care and self love is the single most important thing you can do for yourself in this lifetime. This is by far my favorite topic to talk about, write about and coach people on. Self care isn’t selfish, its simply you putting yourself first so you are able to be there for others. Self care means taking 15 mins each morning to stretch, drink some coffee, wake up and organize your thoughts. Self care is taking a bath at the end of the day when all the dishes are done, kids are in bed and lunches are made. Self care is taking a walk in nature on Sunday morning to decompress from a long week.
  5. Your marriage comes before your children, nuture that relationship
  6. Let go of what is not critical and move that task to the next day
  7. Create and prioritize a task list
  8. Make time for enjoyment – find time to be silly. Once a week make a date with your husband, kids, a friend or yourself and just do something that is fun. Paint, go to a comedy club, host a dinner party and play games, whatever brings out your playful side…do it.
  9. Tackle what you need to and move on – do not get stuck on what you can’t get done, celebrate what you DID get done.
  10. Make time for exercise – I could talk about exercise all day long. Exercise is a critical component to true and deep happiness and feeling good about yourself. There are many different avenues you can take with exercise. Go for a walk, hike, do yoga, stretch, take a class, whatever you enjoy…do it.
  11. Plan and cook meals ahead of time – something I struggled with was having enough time to prepare meals. So I started cooking on weekends for the week and in addition I started preparing my breakfast the night before. Grateful for overnight oats and smoothies!!
  12. Ask for help (lean on others for support)
  13. Carpool (school, sports, etc.)
  14. Clean the kitchen at night so you wake up to a clean space
  15. Go to bed early so you can rise early
  16. Rise early so you can tackle the day refreshed and with a clear mind
  17. DO NOT HIT SNOOZE
  18. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, get help – don’t go it alone
  19. Surround yourself with the things you love – it is a fact that when you are surrounded by beauty and the things you love, your mind settles
  20. Self motivate by making your tasks fun
  21. Involve your children and create chores for them! its good for kids to feel invested
  22. Take a break from life at least once a week, do something special for yourself – go on a day trip, have a girls day, take your kids to the park and have a picnic, take a hike, do something out of the norm and embrace it.

I hope you can identify with a few of these tips if not all and embrace them. Incorporating small changes in your life can make such a difference. Even if you identify with only one of these tips (right now), one small change can make such a difference.

If you would like to chat and discuss where you struggle, what you can change, how to make a morning routine, etc. Please contact us anytime at AveshaEmpower@gmail.com

In addition if you feel this article would be helpful to someone you know who struggles with the every day stress of life….pass this article along and kindly share on your social media pages. My goal is to help people who struggle find solutions to make life a little easier.

Namaste

How to relieve anxiety without meds by “grounding” or “earthing”

The most important thing about anxiety is to understand what it truly is.

  • Anxiety is fear.
  • Anxiety is lack of control.
  • Anxiety is worry.
  • Anxiety is self created (most of the time).
  • Anxiety can be controlled.

There are different types of anxiety, so I encourage you to educate yourself on the signs and symptoms and type of anxiety that exist. You can visit https://www.anxiety.org/what-is-anxiety to get started.

Anxiety can be felt all over your body, if you do not gain control over your anxiety you can develop panic attacks and eventually a full on panic disorder.

Panic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It causes panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of terror when there is no real danger. You may feel as if you are losing control. You may also have physical symptoms, such as

  • Fast heartbeat
  • Chest or stomach pain
  • Breathing difficulty
  • Weakness or dizziness
  • Sweating
  • Feeling hot or a cold chill
  • Tingly or numb hands

Panic attacks can happen anytime, anywhere, and without warning. One you experience one, you may live in fear of another attack and may avoid places that trigger you into an attack. For some people, fear takes over their lives and they cannot leave their homes and they become a prisoner to their disorder.

Panic disorders are more common in women than men. They usually start during adolescence. Stress is a huge trigger. People can resolve anxiety and almost abolish it, with proper treatment. Therapy can teach you how to recognize the triggers, develop coping skills and change your thinking patterns before they lead to panic. Medicines can also help but should be used as a last resort.

There are many different ways to manage anxiety. I wrote an article a few years ago for the Elephant Journal magazine which was really popular and helped a number of people – click here to read this amazing article!

Taken from this article I provide you with 5 proven techniques to cope with your anxiety without medicine by “grounding” or “earthing”.

Grounding is a technique that brings people back to the present moment when they are in the midst of chaos. Grounding skills can be helpful with managing feelings of intense anxiety and can help people regain their mental focus after a traumatic event or anxiety-induced state.

There are many proven ways to ground yourself. If you are in the midst of an anxiety attack and need to get “grounded,” you can start by counting backward, either in your mind or out loud; this is actually a mental distraction, and therefore, takes the focus off the anxiety.

Another wonderful and successful technique is to look around the room and name what you see: lamp, table, picture of my kids, five pens in a pencil holder, painting with a horse and a tree…whatever it is you see, call it out. This helps ground you in the present moment.

Some grounding techniques are actually referred to as “earthing”—and like the name suggests, you literally become one with the earth by putting your body in direct, uninterrupted contact with the earth. This exercise requires that your skin touch the soil, sand, water, or a conductive surface that is in contact with the earth.

This can be mean dipping your toes in the sand at the beach, walking in nature, going for a hike deep in the forest, swimming in a lake or the ocean, planting seeds (or replanting flowers) and digging in the dirt, or just walking through the grass barefoot. Earthing has a tremendous amount of health benefits—too many to mention in this article, so I empower you to google “earthing” and “grounding.”

Here’s a list of my favorite grounding activities (more than one involves earthing):

1. Walking or hiking.

Walking is the simplest and most effective way to reduce anxiety. Walking at an even pace has a very calming effect. It can evoke mindfulness, clear your head of rapidly cycling thoughts, and release stress. When walking (or hiking) in nature you will feel more relaxed during the walk. You can also take it one step further and meditate while you walk. Walks on the beach are amazingly therapeutic as well. The salt air and calming sound of the ocean is very grounding.

2. Yoga.

Specifically, Hatha yoga, which is the simplest form of asanas (yoga postures) and pranayama (breathing techniques) can be helpful. Yoga is the soul practice of the body, mind, and spirit—and it brings us to a state of mindfulness. This can be done at home, and we can practice for as short or as long a time as we desire. I recommend at least 15 minutes for session length, although 30 minutes is ideal.

3. Gardening.

Nothing connects you to the earth more than gardening. This is a fantastic example of earthing, as your hands are completely immersed in the soil. It’s such a peaceful and mindful art—and one that has so many benefits.

4. Journaling.

This keeps us in a state of mindfulness by helping to remove negative thoughts, as well as organizing those distracting, racing thoughts. Getting your thoughts and ideas down on paper will help you clear your mind and enable you to get to a peaceful state quickly. Organizing your thoughts also helps you to set (and ultimately obtain) goals in a more efficient way.

5. Arts/Crafts/Creativity.

Being creative by using your imagination and putting ideas into action is a very grounding activity that also has a beneficial and tangible outcome.

Whatever practice you choose, immerse yourself in it. Bask in the moment of the activity—and when you find that your mind starts to drift and your thoughts beginning to wander, bring yourself back to the moment.

Feel the earth as you put your hands in the dirt; walk across the grass, or stick your toes in the sand. To ground yourself even further, describe how it feels out loud . Describing it makes it feel extra real.

I love walking barefoot in the grass on a chilly summer morning after it has rained and the grass is wet with dew. The feeling is magical and reminds me of childhood. Remember being a child and running through the sprinkler? Wasn’t that magical?

Even as adults, we can create magical moments that make us feel like children again. We feel the wonderment, the joy, and the peace we felt as kids, when we were riding our bikes and the wind blew through our hair—or doing somersaults on a warm summer day with the sun beaming down on us. How about that moment when you take that first lick of an ice cream cone? Yumm.

Those moments are priceless.

We can have those now, as adults—we just need to create them. We live in a world of chaos and instant gratification, so it takes a commitment to ourselves to take a step back and slow things down, so we can enjoy every single moment—because right now is all we have.

So, I empower you to try at least one of these amazing techniques to help ground you and help you live in each moment as it comes. It isn’t easy…but over time, it will become easier.

Love and happiness always!

Avesha

Fitness Over Forty – get balanced

Hormones got you down?

Feeling like you are on a constant roller coaster?

PMS a thing for you?

Time to try a few things to get you balanced and in a good place, physically and emotionally.

I suffer terribly from PMS – or whatever they call it now. I know my body so well I can predict almost every symptom I am going to feel and when.

It all starts about 10 days before my period is due (although its always late, which I am now able to predict). My symptoms starts with agitation, then some anger, a whole lot of anxiety and then I finish it off with some weeping and sobbing 🙂 Sadly this is not something I can control, the emotions seem to just take over. However, the good news is that I recognize the onset and am able to work through most of these feelings and keep them at bay with the following:

  1. Yoga, Pilates and Barre – mat exercises are literally a cure for PMS bloat and emotional rollercoaster rides. The floor exercises help to bring down inflammation. Belly breathing helps with the anxiety and getting the heart rate pumping with some low impact pilates and barre moves help to get the endorphins kicking. A good session over 20 minutes will bring immediate relief.
  2. Change your diet – cutting back on alcohol, sugar and salt and adding more protein, fruits, and raw veggies can help prevent inflammation and of course…a morning smoothie is a fantastic way to start your day. Adding supplements such as a B Complex, Magnesium and EPO (evening primrose oil) can also reduce PMS symptoms.
  3. Cardio – however you can – do it! Take a walk, bike ride, hike, jog or swim. Cardio gets the heart rate up and kick starts your metabolism as well as your endorphins which help combat the emotional rollercoaster feeling as well as the bloating and fatigue.
  4. Get more sleep – as you start to hit peri-menopause your sleep cycle will starts to change and can even become erratic. It is important that our bodies get a restful nights sleep. Try meditation before bed. Implement a no screentime before bed rule (to avoid mental stimulation) and do not eat or drink anything after 7 pm to avoid your body having to metabolize. In addition, there are many good yoga sequences that help put your body in relaxed state which will prepare you for sleepy time.
  5. Have sex – yep, its true, sex can help with bloating and cramping…look it up!
  6. Reduce your stress – however you can, you must get a handle on your stress level. Don’t take on more than you can handle. Set realistic expectations of yourself and others and take time out of your schedule for YOU and only YOU every day!
  7. Keep a journal which tracks your cycle – this will help you know what to expect and when. This is how you stay sane 🙂

I hope these tips are helpful to you as you navigate your journey to a more balanced life.

Contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com if you would like to set up a coaching session.

Have some of your own tips on how to balance your life a bit? I would love to hear from you below 🙂

Think this info would be helpful to someone else, please share on your social media pages. Spread the word and maybe we will help someone else.

Steps to Clearing Emotional Pain

When you are in a place of healing and know that you have hit a wall, you have worked with a therapist and / or life coach to identify the causes of the issues you are experiencing, you have journaled, meditated and created a self care routine but you still feel like you are stuck … it is time for some emotional clearing.

Emotional Clearing is the practice of bringing awareness to our mental and emotional compulsions and reactions in order to “heal” them or integrate them. The end state of doing this work is Wholeness which is actually a step beyond enlightenment.

For these unresolved emotions to clear, they needs to pass through you. When these past emotions and feelings reemerge, they may lead to sadness, anger, fear, anxiety or depression. If you are feeling these emotions after or while going through an emotional clearing treatment, please rest assured that these feelings are completely normal. Do not try to avoid these feelings or shame yourself for feeling them. The most important thing to do during a healing process is to just let the emotions be. Just sit with the feelings and let them exist.

Please be thoughtful and patient with yourself, these emotions have been trapped and repressed in your subconscious for a long time. They most like stem from your childhood or early adolescence. We know that most people do not leave childhood unscathed. Even if you tell yourself you had a great childhood. There may have been something that affected you in a way where you repressed those emotions so you would not feel them. By pushing away feelings this could lead to emotions and negative feelings being trapped for many years. In extreme cases, these emotions developed into chronic physical symptoms without the bearer knowing it such as anxiety, depression, addiction, compulsion, chronic illness, etc.

It is important to remember we only have this one life and it is a gift. Even if things are hard and you feel you are in a constant emotional struggle, life is a precious gift and we only get one shot at it. We all have the opportunity to live a happy life with purpose. There is so much help and knowledge out there. Things are so different now then in the past. We have so many healing modalities right at our fingertips. Therefore I encourage you to start your healing today.

Emotional clearing is usually successful after a number of “sessions” or “treatments”. Most of these can be done in the privacy of your own home and others should be done by a certified “healing specialist”.

  • Start a yoga practice – yoga can be done at home or at a studio. it is a very versatile practice with so many benefits for our mind body and our spirit (there are specific emotional clearing poses that you should adopt into your yoga practice such as Goddess Pose, Pigeon Pose,Child’s Pose, Downward Dog, Malasana Squat, Legs up a wall or Waterfall Pose, etc.). If you would like to create your own yoga emotional clearing practice from home I encourage you to go to google and search articles about yoga for emotional clearing.
  • Meditation – clearing the mind is just as important as clearing the body. Its important to let go of old data that has lived inside your mind and has misguided you in the wrong direction. Its time to let go of any old thoughts and feelings, especially negative ones and replace them with good and positive thoughts. This can be done in any quiet space in your home. Designate a sacred space where you spend time with yourself.
  • Energy healing massage and / IET or Reiki – it works. This is where you need a licenses healer. I encourage you to research healers in your area.
  • Change your self talk and perspective immediately – this takes a good amount of time because you are basically reprogramming how you think act and speak about yourself. You have spent a lifetime thinking and acting a specific way and now I am asking you to completely change that. This can be done, but it takes time, commitment and dedication to the outcome.

The outcome once you put this practice into place is overwhelming in a good way. The results can be mind blowing. I can say this with pure confidence because I speak from experience. I put this practice into place and it virtually changed every aspect of my life. I once used to walk around with a pit in my stomach (total anxiety), a sleeping disorder, a basic negative outlook on life in general, with shallow friendships, bad/toxic/dangerous relationships with men and a very low sense of self worth.

Today, I am thrilled to say with a mixture of therapy, life coaching, spiritual coaching, yoga, meditation, a HUGE dose of self love and self care and true emotional clearing – I am the best person I can possibly be and each drive I thrive to be that much better. I am happy, calm, I no longer have that pit in my stomach. My friendships are deeper, my love relationship is amazing, my general outlook on life is extremely positive and I LOVE MYSELF!!

I continue to do a self care routine every single day and I treat myself the way I expect others to treat me. I do not allow negativity or drama in my sacred space and I have high expectations of those in my life. Yes, the occasional trigger happens, but I have the tools to work through the feelings and move forward.

There is hope, I promise and I am here to help you if you decide you are ready to take the next step.

Emotional Clearing is a necessary and critical last step to complete healing.

I hope this is helpful to you!

-A

The Key to Happiness Is….

Letting go of the past and not letting it define you. Easier said than done, I know. But if you look at the past as a means of learning and if you don’t allow yourself to live in the past, you can redefine your future and use all the lessons you have learned to do so. How many times have you been in a moment of despair, the depths of sadness and a place of not knowing how to move forward. Then as time ticks on, so does life, it doesn’t stop for your problems or your worries, it just keeps going. Therefore so do you. Then time passes, things get better and maybe you even look back at those times that felt devastating to you and you think wow, I am so happy that happened, I totally get why! This is why you have to….trust that the Universe has your back (see below…Trusting the Universe). The past is just that and it has nothing to offer you except life lessons. Take those lessons and move forward in a positive direction and learn from those mistakes, heartaches and incredibly tough times. Always work towards the future and be mindful of each moment because you will never get that moment back.

Trusting yourself to make decisions that are best for you in any situation. Whether you are looking to change careers, are new to dating, deciding whether to have children or not, changing your household status….these are huge decisions that require much thought and contemplation. Trust yourself, listen to your gut and never ignore a bad feeling. Trusting yourself to do right by yourself if the first step in trusting others.

Trusting the Universe to provide you with what you need. Believe it or not, the Universe is listening to you. There is a saying ….”what you think about you bring about”. This is the truth. What you obsess over, you bring to fruition. So if you don’t want something negative to happen, it is critical that you do not think negative thoughts. When you want something positive to happen then think about it, visualize it, feel it as if it is here and expect it to come because again the Universe is listening.

Trusting that your God has a plan for you because he does. Trust him.

Being creative and even a little silly. We work so hard every day, at work, at home, and at our relationships and a lot of times we end up focusing so much on being productive and getting shit done, that we don’t spend enough time enjoying ourselves. My advice, be spontaneous, hop in your car and go for an overnight trip. Take a class. Go play in the dirt and make a garden. Go out and see a band play. Join a club. Do pottery. Doesn’t matter what you do, just do something that is outside of your “norm”.

Stop thinking so much and relax. We spend so much time thinking and worry about things that will never happen. How many times have you obsessed about and feared the outcome of something and it never came to fruition. You spent countless hours trying to figure out something that you have no control over, when you could just hand it over to the Universe and let it go from your mind. Which brings me to my next suggestion.

Give up controlling everything and everyone. You do not have to know how everything is going to turn out, you do not have to drive every situation to go your way and you do not have to control anyone, ever, not even yourself. Nothing good comes from control.

Breathe – seriously, when you start feeling down, anxious, upset, lonely, miserable etc. just breathe. Sit in a quiet space, close your eyes and breathe. Driving in the car? ok, pull over, close your eyes and breathe. At work? That’s ok, close your office door, sit down at your desk, close your eyes and breathe. My point is, you can be anywhere, it doesn’t matter…just breathe.

Celebrating the little things and appreciating them. Most of the time it is the little things that matter and make the most impact in our lives. So celebrate them and thank the Universe for bringing you these wonderful little gifts of magic.

Setting long term goals can help you to organize your thoughts by getting them out of your head and putting them down on paper or a white board, etc. Setting goals is one of the best ways to obtain the things you want (i.e. house, wedding, boat, car, pay off student loan, change careers etc.)

Patience and respecting the timing of things. Not all things happen on our time table. In fact most things aren’t. The saying “timing is everything” is a thing. It really IS everything. and depending on what you believe in, all things do happen for a reason. Trust the timing.

Mindfulness. This is one of the hardest things for people to do. Mindfulness holds you in the NOW, the HERE, THIS MOMENT. So many people go through life thinking about yesterday and tomorrow and end up missing a fantastic moment because they were not present. Mindfulness brings you into the HERE AND NOW, THIS MOMENT. So next time you are laying in bed with your significant other and your mind starts to wander…say to yourself “be here now” and relish in the moment that you are sharing together..even if its just a cuddle in bed…remember..its the little things.

Being kind to others even if they aren’t kind in return. I know this seems silly and a waste of good energy to be kind to someone who isn’t kind back. But sometimes, not all the time but sometimes you can change a persons mood just by smiling at them or cracking a joke etc. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone into a store and the cashier won’t even look at me and I say “Hi, how are you? how is your day going” and most of the time the cashier will look at me and smile. Sometimes it just takes that one person to brighten your day! You never know what a person is going through….so be mindful of their struggles.

Spending time outside is critical to long term happiness. Nature is knowing to heal people with mental illness. In fact doctors in the Netherlands prescribe nature to people struggling with mental illness such as anxiety disorders and depression.

Exercise is another key to long term health and happiness. Get that body moving and those endorphins pumping. As soon as you start an exercise routine you will feel motivated and excited and as soon as the routine is in place you will start to feel the results of the workout and that will instantly make you happy! How could it not?

Eating well & nourishing your body is along the same lines as exercising. Our bodies need to move. We were not meant to be sedentary. Now don’t say things like…I don’t have time or I can’t afford a gym membership. Everyone has time. Lacking time is the worst excuse EVER in my opinion. If you have time to watch TV, eat, go on Facebook etc. you have time to work out. Can’t afford the gym? take a walk, take a run, go for a hike, do yoga at home. YOU DO NOT NEED A GYM MEMBERSHIP! So go ahead and move that body – start today.

Surrounding yourself with beautiful things – start by making your home an oasis, your oasis. Fill your home with beautiful things. Decorate it with your style. Display photos, fresh flowers, big puffy pillows, soft sensual colors, etc. Whatever your style is…display it and surround yourself with it.

Treating yourself kindly. Buy yourself flowers, take a hot bath, exercise, do yoga, practice meditation, read a book, take a nap, start a blog, take yourself on a date, go on a trip. Just be nice to yourself.

Always being yourself and loving who that is.

How to move forward gracefully after a divorce

Divorce, and break-ups in general are very difficult to process and move on from.  For many reasons, separating from someone we love leaves us feeling lost and desperate for answers.  Many times we blame ourselves in hopes that if we take ownership of the breakup we can then fix it and not have to suffer with this pain any longer.

The pain can be so deep that it triggers other emotional issues inside us, ones that we thought we buried and would never see again.  Sometimes break-ups are the Universes’ way of getting us to deal with our issues instead of filling voids and living the day to day as if these issues do not exist.  That’s called denial.

Being divorced twice and losing both husbands in a similar and pretty traumatic way I realized the Universe was sending me a message…it was the same message both times and this time I listened.

Below are my simple tips of letting go and moving on after a divorce (or breakup):

  • Let yourself go through the stages of grief/loss – A divorce or breakup of a significant relationship is quite similar to a death.  In order to move forward you must go through the stages of grief.  The five stages are  denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and they are a critical part of the framework that makes up our learning to live without the one we lost. They help us to gain the tools we need to help us identify what we may be feeling, however there is no exact timeline when it comes to the healing process and you may bounce around from grief to anger and back to denial before you hit acceptance.   Healing is not linear.
  • Accept that healing takes time – As I stated, there is no time table and healing is not linear.  Just  know, you are where you are meant to be, healing.  The more difficult the relationship and break up the harder the hit is to your body, mind and soul.  You need to be compassionate with yourself and accept that it can take years to recover and that is OK!  Honor yourself and where you are at, at every moment.
  • Allow yourself time to heal – solo – Fix yourself and heal first before bringing someone else into your world otherwise you risk repeating the same patterns until you have learned the lesson you were meant to learn – the Universe is speaking to you so listen.  The only way over it, is through it.
  • Do not fill voids by immediately trying to replace your ex – Believe it or not, you are not ready for a new relationship!  By jumping in to a new relationship, you are trying to fill a void to escape from hurt, that never works, it delays the healing process and puts other people at risk for heartbreak.
  • Allow yourself to feel anger, fear and sorrow – These feelings are normal and are part of the healing process.  Feel every feeling until you are numb to it.  Stuffing your feelings does not work, facing them head on speeds up the healing process.
  • Fill your life with interests and activities – Now is the time to try something new (new hobby, take a class, start an exercise routine), make new friends, and start some Keystone Habits (see my blog on Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits).  This creates a full and satisfying life.  Become a better version of yourself!
  • Make peace with your loss and try to forgive – If you focus too much on the loss and don’t let go of the story you will not get to acceptance and you will prolong the healing process.  There is a lesson in all this, take the time to learn what it is.
  • Let go of the story – Yes it was traumatic – yes you are in pain – yes you miss him or her – but if you do not let go of the story and make peace with what happened and why it happened you will delay creating a new and better story, one that doesn’t involve a traumatic breakup.  Learn the lesson and move forward.
  • Make time for yourself and figure out who you are as a person – I imagine you have spent a majority of time focused on your relationship and your significant other.  Now it is time to focus on yourself and figure out who you are and what makes you tick.  Fall in love with yourself!
  • If you want to find a happy, nurturing, compassionate relationship, look for those qualities inside yourself – Do you have those same qualities you are looking for in another person?   Remember … you are holding up your mirror so be who you wish to meet!  Its that simple.

Once you change your mindset from loss to opportunity, the healing process will be a much easier Journey to the next story of your new and wonderful life.

Namaste’

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