The Mirror

Did you know that the people you surround yourself with are reflections of certain parts of yourself (ironically they are usually the parts you don’t quite like).

These people are your “mirror”.

What does this mean?

Quite simply, we attract what we are (or ourselves). Ever notice something irritating or infuriating about someone…could be your child, friend or your spouse?  Well, most likely you see something in them that you don’t like about yourself. They have a quality that you recognize and focus on that is something you wish to change about you.

Interesting concept huh?

There are those of us who are subconsciously reliving our youth traumas which contribute to our fears, anxieties, drama’s etc.  We are attracting those people, by our own design, so that they reflect the same dysfunctions in us by bringing them to the surface.  It’s like looking in the mirror and not liking what we see (emotionally).

As yourself these questions:

  1. Do you attract emotionally unavailable partners that are non-committal in relationships?
  2. Do you constantly focus on the relationships you can’t have without exploring why you are not attracting men/women who ARE available?
  3. Are you attracted to married women/men?
  4. Do you attract men/women who need “fixing”?
  5. Are you a magnet for negative people and gossip?
  6. Do you continuously have drama and dysfunction in your life?

If any of these scenario’s sounds familiar you need to explore deeply and ask yourself:

  1.  Am I emotionally available and able to commit to a healthy relationship?
  2.  Are there parts of me that need fixing that I am avoiding (old wounds) which is why I focus on him/her vs. myself?
  3.  Am I subconsciously working through childhood trauma (i.e. abandonment) by chasing unavailable partners?
  4.  Am I trying to protect myself therefor I attract which that which I cannot have?
  5. Am I part of the problem?
  6. Do I attract drama because of my own negativity? (drama can’t live unless you feed it)

Simply put, if you want to attract healthy people into your life.  If you desire healthy friendships and relationships (i.e. lovers, family, co-workers, etc.) then you yourself need to be healthy.

Remember people will treat you how you allow them to. This is usually a direct reflection of how you feel about and treat yourself. When you value yourself and love yourself there is no way you would let someone treat you bad or disrespect you.

If you take the time to work on yourself (self love/care) not only will you feel AMAZING but you will attract healthier people into your life and have deeper more meaningful relationships.

Start today with focusing on yourself..look in your own mirror and decide what part of you is attracting toxic people.

Remember, people will always show you who they are – believe them the first time.

Namaste

If you are interested in one on one coaching please click contact us.

The difference between healthy and unhealthy love

We have all been in love.

You know the feeling!  It is all consuming – starting with the butterflies and your heart melting at every glance.  Sitting and waiting by the phone for their text.  Gobbling up every single crumb they give you knowing its not enough to sustain you, but you don’t care.  Now you know, without a shadow of a doubt, he / she is the one.

When you are together you are whole, complete, happy and content.  When apart you are miserable and aching to be with him / her.

Despite some glaring red flags and that screaming intuition in your gut, you know this is the person you want to spend your life with…together until the end of time.

The fantasy has begun….

Over time you learn that your priorities are not aligned and maybe you don’t have all that much in common, but still, he / she is your soul mate.  This IS love.

Unfortunately, over time, after the newness wears off and the hormones start to balance out you find that things become a little strained.  Maybe the frequent communication you once had starts to taper off a bit.  Little things that never annoyed you before, start to irk you a bit.  Sex doesn’t seem as exciting nor are you longing to rip his / her clothes off.  You start spending less time together and your gut is screaming…something isn’t right.

But still you proceed.

One of you starts becoming distant….which causes the other to cling.  Clinging naturally causes the other to run (and hide) and soon the clinger become a needy mess.  The clinger start wondering what they did wrong.  How did something soooo perfect change?  and they need to fix it, NOW!  The runner thinks the clinger is nuts, not accepting accountability for his piece in making her nuts.

And so the cycle begins…

The relationship that seemed so perfect at the time has now fallen into the cycle of cat and mouse game.  When he is available she isn’t and visa versa.

Why, you ask does this happen?

Because this type of relationship, per say, does not have an ideal foundation.  It is based off the initial chemistry (love/lust) and not what actually holds a couple together which is (a) knowing what each other wants and truly wanting the same things (b) similar interests and goals (c) a friendship (d) respect for each others space and outside interests but most importantly is (e) emotional availability.  Neither party is emotionally mature or available for a healthy and intimate relationship.

A healthy relationship needs to start with two healthy people.  People who have worked on themselves, have a strong balance of self love and the ability to be intimate and have a good relationship with themselves.  This way they both bring good and healthy things to the table and not their own emotional baggage.

When people fall in love instantly and cling to each other for comfort and happiness this becomes a recipe for disaster.   This is the dance of the emotionally unavailable and let me tell you, nothing good comes from this dance.

Two unhealthy people clinging to each other in the midst of co-dependency cannot possibly build a healthy relationship until they work on themselves and find that balance of self love and emotional security.  The gamble here is, once they do the work they may not be attracted to each other….and the relationship that once seemed so magical now appears very dysfunctional and they may find they are not rightly suited for each other.

Sometimes those magical relationships stem from the drama and chaos that lives inside themselves.  That madness is like a magnet that attracts similar people and that’s why they are called “a mirror” because they are attracting people with similar issues.  This emotional drama bonds the two together like glue.  Research “trauma bonding”, this will be helpful information for you to understand.

So, in close, the only way to stop attracting these types of relationships is for people to work on themselves to become whole and happy internally.  This takes time, commitment and many tears and moments in the fetal position, but the outcome is phenomenal and well worth the struggle.

Be the person you want to date!  – this is a brilliant statement.

If you want to date someone happy, humble, emotionally and physically healthy you need to be that person.  You cannot possibly attract that type of person if you are living inside your own head, insecure, needy and desperate for love to fill a void.

You can only attract a healthy partner…if you are healthy.

A healthy relationship is possible, once you have a healthy relationship with Self.

Love, light and happiness!