Tag Archives: healing

The journey begins….

And so it begins….the transformation of my once broken soul to a strong, confident, happy and balanced person.

I was once a very anxious, scared little girl living inside a grown woman’s body.  I cared so much about what others thought of me, I was terrified of making decisions and although I appeared extremely confident on the outside, my insides would scream at me that I was not good enough.

I still feel that way at times.  Insecure and sad, abandoned and scared.  The difference now is that I honor those feelings instead of trying to push them away.

Navigating through childhood “stuff”, loss of significant people in your life, loss of what you perceived as love, recognizing and dealing with bad choices and their consequences are all very heavy burdens to handle.  Not all of us are equipped with the tools to deal with most of these things.  These are the things that can destroy us internally.

However, through my own Phoenix Process – I have learned that if you feel your feelings and don’t try to push them away you will work through them much faster and most of the time they will pass (if you let them).  Holding on to them can feel like you are protecting yourself, like a shield, but the reality is you are only hurting yourself and prolonging your healing.

If you do everything in your power to avoid feeling your feelings…by drinking, over planning your time, drugs, sex, pornography, clinging to relationships..you are prolonging the entire process of healing and actually making things worse.

It takes time to process feelings and avoiding them doesn’t make them go away, unfortunately they get stored in our subconscious and eventually those thoughts and feelings you are trying to avoid come seeping out….through anxiety, depression, nightmares, anger, however your body wants to process them.  There is NO escaping these thoughts and feelings no matter how much you drink, eat, have sex, etc.  They will always be there.

So my advice is to truly feel your feelings….cry until there are no more tears left…and please know that at some point this period of sadness/anxiety will pass and you will feel so much better as you catapult to the next stage of healing.

It is also important to create new good memories which will ultimately replace the older ones that are stuck in your mind.  We tend to cling to what feels good and forget what hurt us in the past.  I assume this is for survival.  However it is not healthy to hang on to the past and focus only on what felt good, just as its not healthy to ruminate about what hurt you.  There comes a point in time, once we have let our feelings seep in, that we have to let go and move on from the past (good and bad) and focus on what is in front of us.

We truly are the director of our own lives and we do have the ability to construct our lives exactly how we want them to be.  With a little time and effort and some real belief in yourself and the Universe, you can live the life you want…within reason.  Set your expectations to a realistic measure and start making better choices that involve self care and self love.  Remove toxic people from your life, think before you act, do not engage in self fulfilling prophecy’s and focus on how you would like to feel.  Everything is about feelings and how things make us feel.  Love is a feeling, sadness is a feeling, happiness is a feeling.  Construct your life in a way that makes you feel good.

But also understand that you will not be happy every single day of your life.  There will be days you question yourself, your friends, your lover and your choices.  That is ok.  How in the world would we be able to recognize things are good if there was no “bad”.  We wouldn’t.  The bad times are what help us appreciate all the good we have.

Write down (right now) about 10 things in your life that you are grateful for and smile as you write them.  Say each thing out loud and say thank you like 2 or 3 times with true gratitude.

I am personally grateful for so many things…my beautiful children, my peaceful and zen home, yoga, Luke (my beautiful and smart Golden), my friendships, peace, food and water, my career and financial stability, my gardens, the earth/nature, travel, amazing coffee.  The list really and truly is endless.

Everyone can list their lack, the things they don’t have, the things they want, the things they miss, but that just creates more lack.  Focusing on what you do have will help you attract more and more wonderful things, even if they aren’t exactly what you want.  The Universe has an incredible way of providing us what we need.

As a survivor of abandonment and trauma I can tell you that the mind is a very powerful thing and it is actually what gets us into trouble 99% of the time.

We literally create most of our own issues by:

  1. focusing on the past and not whats happening in front of us
  2. ruminating – allowing thoughts to run rapid in our minds
  3. not appreciating the things we have and always creating a feeling of lack
  4. not letting go of anger
  5. not dealing with our issues and letting them fester inside us
  6. loving people that are wrong for us and treat us poorly
  7. not valuing ourselves and putting ourselves first
  8. not practicing self love and care
  9. allowing others to define our worth
  10. giving away our power

We do not have to do this, we can gain control of our thoughts (if not fully, partially) and re-direct them back to a positive and happy thought process.  It takes practice and consistency but through yoga, meditation, mindfulness, earthing and grounding and many other wonderful techniques it can be done.

I am finally at a place where I can fully let go of my negative thoughts just by using my tools that I have learned the past two years.

Being able to do this has totally changed my life and it can change yours.

Feel your feelings, let them in and let them go…

Namaste

 

 

Learning to live in the calm

I read a fantastic article the other day that really resonated with me.  The writer was referencing how a lot of us have a difficult time living in the calm, therefore we [subconsciously] create our own drama just so we feel something.

Sometimes, life can be too calm and in that calmness, for those of who have been living on high alert for many many years, waiting for other shoe to drop, walking on egg shells, waiting for someone to hurt us, walk out on us or cheat on us, that calm can feel very empty.  This is because the internal fight or flight response has been our only source of fuel.

Calm….feels…scary!  It represents the unknown, it feels weird and unsettling.  We sit…waiting for something to happen and when it doesn’t….we get confused and feel emptiness inside us, which is very confusing to our psyche.

It’s a sad realization when that feeling of empty washes over us.  We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel empty, we should feel at peace, but we don’t, not yet.  We will, but it takes time and lots of work on ourselves to allow ourselves to be at peace, to fill that emptiness with things that make us happy, to learn to soothe ourselves in that moment of peace that is so foreign to us.

We have spent too much time living in a chaotic and toxic environment under a big black cloud, and that became our norm.  We knew what to expect, we lived it daily….our norm was their anger, cycling of moods, cheating, discontentment, histrionics, alcohol abuse, temper tantrums, lies, secrecy and depression. Our sole job has been to try to manage this person and their moods while trying to succeed at our own lives….job, parenting, keeping the house, paying the bills and trying to keep everyone…happy.

Exhausting and fucking IMPOSSIBLE!

When we finally decided to leave and save ourselves from the madness that we thought we could handle, over time things finally became calm.  Our space becomes peaceful, there is no black cloud there to invade our space, no one rolling their eyes at us and cutting us down, no one angry at our kids just for existing, no one lying to our face while cheating on us behind your back, no one to take you down a notch..just for fun.  No one to blame us for their poor choices.  Its now just…calm.

Although this is amazing, it is also a complete mind fuck.  The peace and space leaves us  feeling empty.  We have no one to manage but ourselves and it is then that we realize how much energy that person stole from us.  Now we have to figure out what to do with all this free time we have now that this emotional vampire has finally moved on to someone else that they can suck the life out of.

So what should we do with this time?  Well….after the initial shock of realizing we have this time, after the confusion subsides, after the haze disappears….we should ENJOY THIS TIME!

Take a class, do yoga, read, rebuild your relationship with your friends, get a pet, start a blog, get involved in your community, join a meet up group, see a therapist, work with a life coach, but whatever we do….we need to enjoy this time of peace.

What we should NOT DO IS FIND ANOTHER SOUL SUCKING TICK.  That would be the easiest thing to do to fill this time we are not used to having, but its the most devastating thing we could do.

It is time to spend some time with ourselves, create a happy place in our homes, start a garden, go hiking, do whatever it takes to find ourselves!

In time, when we feel we know who we are and what we want, and when we are no longer in danger of finding another emotional vampire….only then can we go back out into the world of dating.

We will know when we are ready….and when we are not.

Until then, find you, love you, honor you and complete you…above all else.

Love, peace, light

 

Journey to Discovering Your Purpose

Your purpose in life can be as simple or as complicated as you require it to be.  You don’t need to aspire to be Beyonce or the Dahli Lama to have a meaningful life purpose.  The only thing you need it to do is fulfill yourself on all levels but mostly your soul level.

Your life’s purpose is solely specific to you.

Some people never figure out their life’s purpose and others think they figure it out and then realize that they were wrong.  I think when you figure it out, when you nail it, you feel it deep down in your soul…like “this is exactly what I was meant for”.

I also truly believe, and this is just me, that we have many different purposes as we cycle through life.  For instance I know one of my life’s purpose is to be a mother to these two boys of mine.  There is nothing in the world I am more proud of and that brings me as much joy as knowing they exist and that I brought them here.

But my purpose doesn’t stop there.

My secondary purpose, and I learned this through my biggest life lesson thus far, is my gift of empowering people (mostly women).  I am not an extreme feminist.  In fact I am quite traditional and believe in the institution of marriage (kind of) and I do believe in relationship “roles”, however, I know that a lot of women struggle with losing themselves in relationships and fall apart when they are not in one.  In addition, there are a lot of women that allow men to take away their spirit and breakdown their esteem to the point of extinction.  These women are fragile, confused, broken and traumatized – I know what this feels like because I was there.

My purpose is to help these women find themselves again.  To find happiness inside themselves and to stop allowing people to take away their peace.  I build them up and make them see their own beauty and help them find their own purpose in this beautiful life that really is so short.

So our purpose is often revealed during the hardest struggles of our lives.  That is why they say “there is beauty in the struggle” because there is.  This is why you must learn the lessons that the Universe wants to teach you, the first time, so you can feel and experience that beauty.

Your life purpose can be to travel, learn different cultures and pass the knowledge on to others through vices like blogging; or your purpose could be to work with animal rescues; or abused women helping them find safety; or to work with children in some capacity.  The options are truly endless.

Identifying your purpose is simple once you start putting a few things into practice:

  1.  Sit with yourself – get quiet – start asking yourself what your soul needs to feel accomplished in this lifetime
  2. Ask yourself, if you were to have a limited time on this earth (which we do) what would you want to do with that time
  3. Start journaling your passions, define them, see how you react as you start writing things down, do you get motivated and excited?

Once you have defined your purpose, start taking action, and once you do…the Universe follows suit and things start falling into place.

 

 

 

The Process of Healing from “Toxic”

Toxic by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

via daily post: Toxic

I read this fantastic article by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and identified with it completely so I thought I would take the time and write a short blog about healing and what this looks like to me, personally.  To some people who are knee deep in a toxic situation, healing can feel impossible -something that they will never achieve.

Healing is a process.

True healing takes time.  Yes, it is soul wrenching and painful, but you eventually reach a point in your healing, whether it be 6 months down the road or 2 years down the road when you can stop and look at where you are and say…wow,  look how far I have come and it is then that you know, you have reached that point where you would never go back to toxic…it just wouldn’t work for you anymore.

So yes, healing is a process and one that is, as I said, very difficult but it is so worth every tear you shed, every exhausted therapy session and every moment where you think you can’t endure another day…but you do.

I have done this work, I know what true healing from years of toxic means so I have gathered my thoughts this morning and compiled a list of what healing means to me and my hope is that these resonate with you.

Healing Means…

  • Accepting my actions and choices
  • Becoming comfortable with who I am
  • Learning from my mistakes
  • Letting the past go
  • Enjoying the present
  • Forming “my Tribe”
  • Learning to be alone and enjoying it
  • Deciding what I want from life
  • Learning new behaviors
  • Enjoying the peace
  • Forgiving myself and those who have wronged me
  • Ignoring timelines
  • Letting go of judgments (of myself and others)
  • Finding my purpose
  • Learning to love as is (myself and others)
  • Surrounding myself with all that is beautiful & positive

This process has been an amazing Journey for me, one that I would not trade for anything.

So, if you are on the toxic ride and ready to get off please know that having a healthy and happy life apart from “toxic” is not impossible.  When you are ready to commit to a healthier way of living, you can take the small steps that it takes to get there.

If you would like to discuss a plan on how to starting healing from toxic contact us.  I can tell you how to get there.

Remember, we only have this one life…it is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest!

~love~light~healing~

-Avesha

Daily Post: Haul

Via Daily Post: Haul

This Journey I am on has been a very long haul.  My commitment to healing past wounds from childhood to today has given a new meaning to the word healing.

~Healing begins from within~

ron-smith-372792-unsplash

I was tired of filling voids and living my life from a place of fear.  Trying to control my environment hoping that I could keep myself safe as long as I was the gatekeeper to my own soul.  

Life doesn’t work that way.  We really control nothing but our own thoughts.  The Universe steps in, takes over and teaches us lessons that we really need to learn the first time because if we don’t….the lessons gets more difficult each time.

So, although healing from anything is a very long haul, the end result is a beautiful and peaceful life that no one can explain to you or lay out for you.  You have to trust the process, follow your own journey and create your own path and discover who you are in the process.

The haul is worth it.

Namaste

 

 

The Empowered Soul

What is the definition of “Empowerment”?

Empowerment Means:

  • The process of becoming stronger & more confident.
  • Gaining or claiming control of your life  and your rights.
  • Being more assertive and powerful in your personal and professional life.
  • Going after what you desire and feeling you deserve it.
  • Trusting your intuition to make good decisions.

What does it mean to be Empowered?

This is solely up to you.

Each person defines Empowerment differently as it pertains to their own goals and what they are looking to achieve.

I am requesting that you to dig deep here and ask yourself – “how do I want & what do I need to be Empowered?”

(personal exercise: what does empowerment mean to you? – please write this down in your journal – be descriptive – this is the first step in the empowerment process)

What Empowerment means, in the words of some beautiful women

  • Strength, wisdom, independence
  • Living in the now & being at peace with my complexities
  • Being my best self
  • The ability to take all of life’s challenges & rise just how we are
  • Feeling in control of your life
  • Being able to make decisions & have options
  • Self care and a loving relationship with yourself
  • Feeling free to be yourself without worrying about what someone else might think
  • Having the strength to recognize and travel my own path and not the path others would lay out for me
  • Supporting yourself, and those around you, to provide the confidence needed to voice feelings and take action
  • Having the confidence to say no or walk away from a toxic or unhealthy situation
  • Setting boundaries

How to become Empowered

Intuition

Below are a number of suggestions on how to Empower yourself to be more confident, self-assured, powerful and more importantly to trust your intuition.

There is no timeline on how long it takes to become empowered, but the key is to be consistent and to always be working on yourself!

Remember we are all a work in progress!

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~

Exercise, Oftenyoga-698114_1920

No more using the “I don’t have time” excuse.

Exercise changes our mindset and gives us more confidence (this is a top KeyStone habit) – for more information on Keystone habits visit my website at http://www.aveshaempower.com

Exercise comes in many forms, you do not have to join a gym to start an exercise routine.  Here are some examples of ways you can get exercise:

  1. Wake up early and walk your dog (or at night after work)
  2. Start a Yoga, Pilates or a BootCamp or interval training routine (at home or a local studio)
  3. Hop on that treadmill (yep, the one you don’t use)
  4. Walk with friends at lunch (organize a walking group)
  5. Take a hike – this is an amazing grounding or earthing exercise that can truly change your mindset as soon as you enter the forest
  6. Download an exercise app (there are plenty of them to choose from) – ask me and I will recommend a few

Find your inner “bitch”

Yup, I said it, be a bitch!

  1. Honor yourself
  2. Put yourself first (I promise this is not being selfish)
  3. Speak up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in
  4. Say NO whenever it is appropriate
  5. Do NOT tolerate behaviors that are not healthy for you!
  6. Let go of those that do not serve your greatest good

Enjoy being with YOURSELF

Notice I did not use the word, alone?

Why?  because you are not alone – unless of course you are living in isolation which I would guarantee you are not.

But in all seriousness you are not alone, you have yourself – and who is better than that?  No one!

Get comfy with who you are, enjoy your own company, spend time doing the things you enjoy doing and you will discover a lot about yourself by doing so.  Spend some time in nature…enjoy the peacefulness and the beauty of all that surrounds you.

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and go for a hike, find a nice place to rest and write about how you feel.  Nature is very grounding!  Sit with your thoughts and then write about them)

Say NO and feel good about it!

Everyone, including you, has the right to say no.

So, if there is something you do not want to do or that you are not comfortable with – use your voice!

Say no, confidently, knowing you are honoring yourself.

**Disclaimer: make sure you say no in a non-offensive way…you don’t want to intentionally upset anyone.**

(personal exercise: Grab your journal and think of a scenario where you would like to say No but you don’t – write it down in your journal – how does it make you feel when you thinking of saying no?  write that down too)

Try new things!

Things

Seriously, try anything (within reason).

Make a list and check them off one by one (bucket lists).

Examples:

  1. Take a class (art, cooking, photography, pottery)
  2. Try making soap or jewelry
  3. Take up a sport or start exercising – daily
  4. Travel with someone or alone
  5. DIY projects (refinish furniture, paint something)
  6. SUP/Kayak, hiking, get out into nature
  7. Yoga
  8. Create a Meetup Group
  9. Go back to school and take classes

The list is endless really….start making your list right now (journal exercise)

Remove toxic people from your life!danger-3061159_1280

This is probably the most important thing you can do in your life to move forward (and the scariest and the hardest to do).

This includes:

  • Dramatic people
  • Negative people
  • People with opposite morals/values
  • Time and life suckers
  • Users
  • Addicts

Let them go.

If they do not bring you happiness and only cause you stress, anxiety or dread…its time to move on .  However, if you cannot remove them from your life, at least set boundaries with them.

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and make a list of those you need to create boundaries with or to remove from your life altogether)

Know and accept your beauty,

inside and out!butterfly-3252893_1920

Self acceptance and self love is the most critical piece to our self worth!

How we feel about ourselves is how others perceive us.

Remember…the mirror?

Put it this way, if you don’t love you….and I mean all of you, who will?

Ok so your butt is big, your eyes are too small, you are too short or too tall, you could use a few pounds or could lose a few pounds – who cares, no one is perfect.  Never compare yourself to anyone!  You are unique.

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and write down what makes you loveable? start a list in your journal of at least 7 or more of your most amazing qualities and add to it over time)

Define YOUR own success!

Remember success is specific to you and your unique goals!

Let’s set some obtainable goals BIG & small so you can figure out with your life coach or by yourself how you will reach these goals (i.e. relationship, weight loss, new job, life balance, work, no work, buying a house, raising kids, cars, vacations, school, etc.)

Set time lines (we all do better when we know what is expected of us and some of us work better when we are under pressure).

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and start making a list of obtainable goals and add to it over time)

LOVE& Respect Yourself!

Madly & Unconditionallyheart-3280747_1920

  • Set a daily routine
  • Sleep at least 7 hours
  • Eat Healthy & Amazing Foods (work with your coach on this)
  • Exercise regularly (*yoga, walking, hiking*)
  • Meditate daily (download the Simple Habit app for guided meditation)
  • Get a massage or Energy Healing
  • Spend time with nature (hike, go to the park)
  • Read a good book or two/LESS SCREEN TIME AND GET OFF FACEBOOK
  • Spend time with healthy people
  • Journal
  • Set KeyStone Habits

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal and write down ways you can love yourself more)

Monitor your thoughts, often!

Be conscious of the stories you are telling yourself (do not let your “stories” be defined by anything but your Higher Self)

Let go of the past and create a new story (not just a chapter)!  Remember, your past does not define you.

Keep your thoughts positive & motivating (do not ruminate about the past)

(tip:  choose to have daily mantras sent to you (there are plenty of apps to choose from, pick one that works best for you)

(personal exercise:  Grab your journal write down the thoughts that keep swirling in your mind which are keeping you from being mindful)

  ~The mind is everything, what you think you become~

Conclusion

Making significant changes in your life and healing from any sort of trauma or bad experiences takes time and Empowering yourself takes lots of work and energy to keep going.

There will be times you want to give up, you won’t see your progress (although others do) and you may even feel its not worth it.  Do not stop, ever, by all means, have a down “poor me” day, eat ice cream, wallow in sadness but do not give up.

Wake up the next morning….get on your yoga mat, take a walk, make a smoothie, sing in the shower, do whatever you have to do to motivate and keep going but do NOT give up.

This workshop was created to Empower you to be your Best and Highest Self.  I have done the work, I know how hard it is, but once you get to the other side, you will see that its worth it.

Love and Healing Always,

Namaste

Contact us at Avesha if you like us to join you on your new Empowerment Journey!