Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits

What are Keystone Habits?

Simply put, they are small changes or habits that people introduce into their daily routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives.  (Think wellness.)  They spark a chain reaction of other goods habits and can rapidly alter every aspect your life, in a positive way.

Keystone Habits work because they focus on making a dynamic change in your life by producing a trickle-down effect.  Soon after implementing a habit you will notice more opportunities for self-improvement from the Keystone Habits that you’re forming.

Success with a Keystone Habit happens when you take that first step.

Right now, make a list of all the habits you’d like to develop.  Pay close attention to the ones that can have a ripple-effect in your life. Then focus on these new habits over the next 30 days. You’d be surprised at how this small change can generate many positive outcomes.

Example: you start an exercise plan and after about a week you start feeling amazing, so you start to eat better with less processed foods and drinking more water, which then leads to a better nights sleep, which ultimately leads to a better more positive outlook and more energy, less anxiety, depression, exhaustion, etc.  Make sense?  The key here is to keep going, don’t stop because this is your routine.

As always I suggest starting small (stepping stones) because every thing you do that becomes a habit takes repetition and consistency.  If you start too many rituals or habits at once you will lose focus and burn out.

If you are a morning person, I suggest you start with creating a morning ritual for yourself and in turn if you are an evening person, you can do the same, which I call a wind-down routine.

You can gain ideas from my blogs or simply design your own (google can help you).  If you want a more individualized plan, I can hep you.


Keystone Habits can include:

  1. Family dinner with no electronics – have each member of your family report a WIN for the day sharing something positive that happened to them.
  2. Make your bed every morning
  3. Exercise regularly – yoga, walking, hiking, join a gym
  4. Eat healthier and often – fresh foods, greens
  5. Create daily routines – wake with the sunrise, morning smoothie, yoga, no electronics first thing, walk the dog, read the paper
  6. Add meditation to your morning/evening routine
  7. Goal setting – weekly/monthly/daily
  8. Journal your thoughts, goals and gratitude
  9. Early to bed/early to rise – change your bedtime routine to include meditation, a hot bath and a good book
  10. Read, everything and anything
  11. Set financial goals/budget

Start today and start small.  No excuses.

Until soon!

Namaste’

8 Critical Tips for Self-Love and Healing

I know what you are thinking, what is self-love and where do I even begin.

If you Google self-love there will be many articles and blogs that will help you on this topic.  I have read every single one of them, ok maybe not every single one, and now I am a self proclaimed expert on the topic.

We read it, we hear about it and everyone says it...you can’t experience true love and vulnerability until you love yourself.  On the outside so many of us appear to be happy and love ourselves.  However, deep down we struggle with anxiety, we lack a sense of purpose, maybe even suffer from a bit of sadness.  As a result a number of us look to outside sources for comfort or validation.  We live our lives through our children, we focus on our husbands and our families, we over-eat, drink too much, exercise too much, work too much, or we do just the opposite and can’t get out of or own way.

Outside perceptions are not always our reality. I know in my life, looking in the window from the front porch everything appeared “pretty”.  Reality is, that was so far from the truth.  We all have our story and we all know our “truths”.

Self-love for me came after an extremely traumatic event.  Everyone consoling me would say “you have to take care of yourself” or “you need to love yourself” and I had no idea what any of this meant.  Once I discovered the true meaning of self-love I couldn’t believe how I was living in my previous life.  I would say I was functioning but not living.

Self-love takes work.  It is beyond getting your hair done, a nice pedicure and good clothes.  It is beyond what you post on Facebook (GET OFF FACEBOOK if you want to be truly happy).  Self-love is truly getting to know yourself, discovering who you are, honoring that person and always putting that person first above all else, yes even your husband and children.  If you are not living as your highest self, what good are you to those who need and love you.

I encourage you to read some of my older blogs that will give you ideas on how to create a morning or an evening ritual which is such an important catalyst to self-love and living your as your Highest Self.


Below are some tips on how to start loving yourself, today!

Start by honoring who you are today and where you are at this moment. 

Maybe you have anxiety, are suffering from depression, are unhappy at your job, have family life stressors, aren’t happy with your appearance or your marriage.  Wherever you are in your life right now….honor it knowing that with each and every day you have the opportunity to make a change.  Buddha says “every day we are born again”.  What a beautiful concept.

Evaluate where you find your worth and where you look for validation. 

Do you look to external sources – do you thrive off the attention you receive from other people? – does your productivity or your accomplishments define you? – are you a people pleaser?  Self-love comes from validating and pleasing yourself.  If you are always looking for someone else to validate you, you will be continuously spinning on a wheel seeking validation and will feel empty until you receive it.  That love, that feeling of accomplishment, the ability to soothe yourself during a tough time, comes from you.

Know, right now, no matter what you are going through, that you are enough! 

You have everything in you to be enough!

Be kind to yourself, your body and your soul! 

Watch the words you use when you talk to yourself or about yourself.

Exercise:  grab your journal and describe yourself as if you were describing a friend of yours.  Don’t focus or plan what to write, just grab your journal and a pen and start writing and see what comes out.  Are you mostly positive or negative?  Remember how you view yourself is what you are putting out into the Universe.  You will find from this exercise what you need to change with regard to your own beliefs about yourself.

Practice things that bring out your inner calm. 

Gardening, yoga, journaling, blogging, cooking, crafting, singing, meditation.  Your mind and soul need a break from our every day circus.  Soothe yourself with a calming activity.

Allow yourself to heal. 

We all have a story and unfortunately its not always a pretty one.  If you have dealt with any sort of trauma (death, divorce, illness, family dysfunction, childhood “stuff”) and have never really dealt with it.  I encourage you to allow yourself to heal and to forgive yourself and those who have hurt you.  There is nothing more freeing than letting go of the bond that ties you to your trauma.

Let it go. 

Whatever you are holding on to that is no longer serving you, let it go.

My strongest advice is to start a morning/evening self-care ritual. 

See How do you start your day? for ideas.


Commit to self-love and your life with start to change.  Keystone Habits are also a must and we will talk about this in my next blog.

Grab your Journal, put todays date on it and enjoy your Journey to self-love.

Until soon!

Namaste’

Life with a Narcassist

What seemed like a perfect story book romance – two childhood best friends reuniting and forming a beautiful bond and eventually getting married – (with many red flags which I ignored) ended up being a complete nightmare for every single person involved.  It took me years to figure out what the issue was.  There was clearly addiction – check,  for sure mental illness – check, some PTSD ok we can go there – check…but at the end of the day none of those issues were the root cause of what was going on in our “cycle”, there was more.  It wasn’t until the final straw that broke the camels back that I started to figure it out.

It was severe narcissism.  

I had NO idea what narcissism was.  I had heard the term and had even heard him use it to describe his ex-wife, but in no way did I have any idea how bad of a thing it was/is and that I was living and married to the most dangerous narcissist that could possibly exist (ok maybe not the most dangerous but close and definitely in my world he is).

It was only then that my healing began.

It has been a very long, deep-dark and painful road to healing and recovery.  Thank God there is so much information out there for one to research and read because it really does help.

My two favorite forums for narcissistic recovery are:

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

https://letmereach.com/

Let me tell you, during my “withdraw” stage I read and joined every single article and forum out there trying to figure out how to get out of the hell I was living.  I also learned I did not want to end up like a lot of the women in that forum.  So many of those women are broken, with no options (emotionally or financially) and have to stay for many reasons whether it be fear, children, finances, health etc.  Thankfully we had no children together, I have my own career and income and I had my own resources and support network so I had options and every single day of my life I am grateful for that.

I vowed to myself once I got through the healing process and graduated trauma therapy  I would dedicate myself to helping others.  There are so many resources out there which help you identify what narcissism is, when you are being abused, and what you should do (GET THE HELL OUT), but I recognized that there are few resources that help the people who have little options like little to no financial resources, no support system, health issues, etc.  Some are so beaten down that they don’t have the energy or the motivation to fight for a healthier life.  They are so riddled with fear and abandonment that even if they have the financial means to leave they don’t.

My goal is to empower these women to help themselves to become strong enough to leave.  I want them to walk out that door knowing they are taking care of themselves (and their children) and setting an example for all women out there that this type of abuse will no longer be tolerated.

These women need support and guidance.  They need to know the basics, where to start, how to gain their confidence and esteem back, how to fix their financial situation, how to prepare their children, where to begin with their journey of self-love and healing and most of all how to keep the fear at bay so they won’t return to the cycle of abuse.

If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you are not alone.  If you know someone in this situation, you can support them and encourage them to get help.

Contact me for an initial consultation to create a healing plan so we can get you on your Journey to a healthier life.

No one has to live with Narcissistic abuse.

Namaste’

 

 

 

What is your intention?

After surviving 2016 I made a survival intention for 2017 and it was one word “Balance”. This was my sole intention. I was quite aware my life was lacking balance.  At the timme I was studying reactive living and learned that when you live reactively you are in a constant state of chaos or fight or flight and balance seems impossible.

However, by working with my Tribe and disconnecting from my old self, I have found balance.  I have also learned that balance is different for each of us.  You may look at someone and think they need balance in their life, but maybe for them, they are and feel balanced.

For me, balance is being in a state of calm even in the chaos.  As I have learned from my coach training there will always be chaos, especially since we do not control anything other than ourselves.  What we can control is how we react to the chaos.  So yah, its finding calm amidst the chaos, not feeding into the drama and waiting for that storm to pass. No good comes from chaos.

We all know those people we call “Drama Queens”.  They always have some problem, things are always really bad, devastating almost and they are the chronic victim.  They don’t call you looking for advice, nor are they open to any, they simply want to discuss their drama and keep it alive.  That was me.

Because I was reactively living, I was reacting to each situation as if it was catastrophic, I never worked towards a solution to the problem, I just kept feeding the drama.  What an unbalanced way to live.  Once I realized my Husband at the time fed into this drama and (he actually created most of it) once our relationship ended I knew I had to get out of this cycle.

So I started my journey to a balanced life.  It wasn’t easy but it was so worth it.

Now that its 2018 and I spent an entire year creating balance in my life, I realized that you don’t just achieve it and move on…balance is something that you need to be aware of and work on, forever.  Balance is not something you solve and wipe your hands free of.  I continuously have to strive to keep my balance.  Balance is like yoga, it is such a great feeling when you finally perfect a certain pose and gain your balance to hold it, but if you stopped doing yoga you would eventually be unable to hold that perfect pose.  Balance is a skill and something you have to work on forever.  I am ok with this.

The universe tests us to see where we are at. Sometimes we are presently surprised by how we handle something and it shows us all the hard work we have been doing has paid off.  Other times we are given a lesson that shows us that we haven’t really changed at all.  This can be very discouraging but don’t let it be.  Let it drive you to keep working so that when the next lesson presents itself you will see just how far you have come.

Before the New Year I started thinking about what my next intention should be, and patience came into my head.  This was a no brainer.  Just like my life had lacked balance, I, as a person, lack patience.

I grew up in a very hostile household.  My father had severe anger issues and a dangerous lack of patience.  I must have adopted the lack of patience behavior from him.  This has presented itself negatively in my life in more ways than I have time to share.

When we lack patience we rush through things, we demand, we settle, we lose control, we act impulsively.  The statement “patience is a virtue” is very true.  We hear it, but do we absorb it, understand it and work to achieve it?  I didn’t, until now.

When I look back to my past life “troubles” I find that the majority of problems that I had, I created.  Yep, this hits you in the face like cold water.  My lack of patience, my inability to sit still and let things to just happen or unfold.   Nope, I didn’t do that, I made things happen but by forcing things to take place it eventually always backfired into some drama that could have been prevented.

Oh that vicious cycle, I would ultimately create my own issue, feed the drama and then cry victim.  This is living reactively.

So now that I have a pretty balanced life, I felt it was time to work on patience.  This is exciting to me.  I am letting my intuition guide me with this one.

Here are some steps I am going to initially take to achieve more patience:

  1.  Letting go of the notion I have control – surrender
  2. Actively listen vs. listen to speak
  3. Take deep breaths before acting on any decision
  4. Do not react – make a plan
  5. Don’t feed into the drama – let the drama die out – step back
  6. Be still – a solution will present itself most of the time
  7. Ask for help and then let them help – do not be a martyr
  8. Let go and let things unfold naturally
  9. Do not settle just to have something
  10. Just wait…

This is unchartered territory for me but I am very excited about this.  I will keep you all posted on how this process is going for me.

The last thing I am going to focus on is actively listening.

Have you ever met those patient people that wait till someone is done speaking, they absorb what the person says and then they speak when its their turn.  That is not me.  I have always listened to speak.  Waiting…waiting…waiting..until the other person is done, not hearing a word they say and then BOOM…my turn.  This is not a productive way to have a conversation.

I also cut people off, especially when I think they are wrong.  I simply talk over them.  Not only is this extremely rude, but because I have not been listening to the other person’s point of view, I am not educated enough to respond and the majority of the time I end up being wrong.  I am confident that this will all change when I start working on patience.

Oprah wrote an amazing article on listening.  She basically spoke about how her entire life she spoke to be heard but never really listened.  After she interviewed with Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis she learned that there is an elegance to silence.  Its alluring, calming and puts people at ease.  People can sense when a person isn’t engaged and only  listening to speak.

There really is power in silence.

My intention is to be balanced, patient and an excellent listener which will benefit me in every single area of my life.

What are your intentions?  What are you working on and hoping to change for the better?  Would love to read your responses below.

Namaste’

 

 

 

 

 

Protected: If it leaves, let it go

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

This is your life!

What do you want?

Do you want to help people?  Do you want more wealth?  A better job?  To be skinnier? Healthier?  Stronger?  To be single or committed to someone?

This is the year to make it happen, trust me, it really is!

Whatever you want, you can have, ask and you shall receive.

Life is a series of choices, good and bad.  Life doesn’t happen to us, we make life happen.  The choices we make directly affects the path our life takes.

You want to be happier, change your attitude and the way you view things.  Be grateful for what you have and only focus on what you can change and make better.

Want to travel more, then find a way to make that happen.  Either through work, planning a family vacation, a girls trip or go solo….there are many ways to make travel a part of your life.

Want more down time? clear your schedule and make more time for YOU.  If you work, take a day off during the week and declare that day a YOU day.  Turn your phone off…seriously!  Go to the gym, get a facial or a pedicure, take a walk, read, go to a cafe and drink a latte in peace.  Whatever it is you enjoy doing do it.  If you are a stay at home mom, the same applies, while the kids are in school go celebrate YOU!.

Want to be healthier? Great, create a Wellness routine (nutrition and exercise) and stick to it.  There are plenty of online resources that can help you create a personalized wellness plan which includes a daily work out, meditation routine and nutrition menu.  Remember nothing has to be set in stone and everything can be modified, what you plan is just a guide.  Over time you will acclimate your plan to your routine.  If you need help, we can help you get started on your wellness Journey.  Just Contact Us

Want to redecorate your house, start a new hobby, start a MeetUp group, go out with friends more or join a book club?  DO IT!!!

Stop the excuses – they get you absolutely no where and so many people use them as crutches and truthfully they keep you from being your best self and enjoying life.

Here are some lame excuses:

  • I don’t have time
  • I am so busy
  • Work is crazy right now
  • The kids play baseball, basketball, football, do dance, etc. etc. etc.
  • Money is tight
  • I am single
  • I will get to it eventually
  • I will start tomorrow

Life is short, one day you will wake up and realize how much life has passed you by while you were busy making excuses.

Here are my responses to the excuses above:

  • Make time, you are in charge of your life/schedule
  • No one is that busy – trust me
  • Work will always be crazy, its work
  • So get your husband, a friend or another mother to drive one way while you go to the gym or take a class
  • Do something that doesn’t cost money
  • Ok single doesn’t mean dead, join a group, ask a friend, go by yourself
  • You will never get to it with that attitude

So act now, make your list of things you want to accomplish this year and start today!

Namaste’