How to live your best life

“Happiness is a state of mind. It’s just according to the way you look at things.”

Walt Disney

First exercise, figure out what happiness means to you. Living your best life is all about you so its up to you to define it.

Life can be beautiful, magical, difficult, easy, fun, complacent, too long for some and too short for others.

It is all about perspective!

My advice is, life is ten minutes long so don’t piss it away. Do everything in your power to make the life that works for you. Create a life that makes you hop out of bed in the morning.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

  1. Do not look at another persons life, look inside you.
    Ask yourself, “what do I want”, “what is my passion”,”what will it take for me to be internally happy”.
    My suggestion is to go to your safe, quiet place with your journal and write the answer to these questions. You may be amazed by the answers.
  2. When life goes sideways, take accountability for your part in it.
    Life isn’t just “happening” to us! Every decision or choice we make plays a big part in how things end up for us. We have that intuition that tells us we are making a big mistake (you know, the gut wrenching ache in your belly screaming don’t do it! that is intuition). Listen to your intuition, and if you don’t, take accountability for the choices you have made and move on.
  3. Learn the lessons you are meant to learn.
    In the event you didn’t listen to your intuition and something not so great has happened, learn from it and…move on!
  4. Surround yourself with the things that make you happy.
    There are certain colors, smells, and sounds that make us happy and calm. Personally I love the color aqua, I am in awe of flowers (and growing them myself), and I love the smell of lavender and other essential oils. So I constantly surround myself with these things. I have even started bringing them over to my boyfriends house. He is thrilled, kind of.
  5. Find your own personal space in your home and make it all yours! This is where you will meditate, do yoga, journal, blog, color, draw, or just hide from the world for a little while! Having your own sacred space, no matter how big or small can bring you calm!
    Fill it with the things you love. Music, candles, floor pillows, yoga mats, vision boards, whatever brings you joy!
    I transformed one of my walk in closets (yep, I have three, oddly enough) into a writing room. It has a beautiful aqua colored desk, pictures of my kids and my boyfriend, it has a window overlooking my gardens so I have positioned my desk to look out the window. Its a tiny little room but it makes me happy.
  6. Find your passion!
    I cannot stress this enough. I have friends who are over 50 wandering around life – involved in one crappy relationship after another, living with so many voids because they have not discovered what makes them shine.
    Again, do not look to others to find your passion, dig deep to discover what makes you come alive.
    This is completely and solely about you.
    Do you love art, music, fitness, writing, cooking, eating, wine, beer, crafts, kids, yoga?
    Doesn’t matter, just find it and immerse yourself in it.
  7. Do not say “I have no time!” – because, you do!
  8. Identify what is holding you back from happiness and work on it.
    Are you overweight and unhappy with yourself? start a fitness and nutrition routine.
    Are you struggling with depression or anxiety? don’t go it alone, talk to someone and ask for help.
    Do you struggle in your relationship? talk to someone, ask for advice, seek counseling.
  9. Let go of any old stories that you tell yourself!
    Every single day is a day to start new – think blank slate and then start creating the new you!
  10. If something has ended, let it go.
    Thank the Universe for the experience and then ask for something new. Seriously, let it go. The Universe knows exactly what its doing.

Truthfully, I could go on and on and this list could be at 100 and I would still have more to write. However, my goal is to encourage you to start the wheels of your mind moving and hopefully you will continue this list on your own. You can even share your list with me. I would LOVE to hear what brings you happiness. Again, happiness is a very personal thing.

For those struggling to find happiness right now, I encourage you to start today and look for ways to bring happiness into your life. You can start slow, and gain momentum over time.

Not every day will be a happy one or an easy one, but when you are internally happy, you bounce back from tough days so much quicker.

If you would like to work together on your Journey to Happiness…contact me!

Love, light, peace, happiness and all that you desire!

Avesha

How to move forward gracefully after a divorce

Divorce, and break-ups in general are very difficult to process and move on from.  For many reasons, separating from someone we love leaves us feeling lost and desperate for answers.  Many times we blame ourselves in hopes that if we take ownership of the breakup we can then fix it and not have to suffer with this pain any longer.

The pain can be so deep that it triggers other emotional issues inside us, ones that we thought we buried and would never see again.  Sometimes break-ups are the Universes’ way of getting us to deal with our issues instead of filling voids and living the day to day as if these issues do not exist.  That’s called denial.

Being divorced twice and losing both husbands in a similar and pretty traumatic way I realized the Universe was sending me a message…it was the same message both times and this time I listened.

Below are my simple tips of letting go and moving on after a divorce (or breakup):

  • Let yourself go through the stages of grief/loss – A divorce or breakup of a significant relationship is quite similar to a death.  In order to move forward you must go through the stages of grief.  The five stages are  denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and they are a critical part of the framework that makes up our learning to live without the one we lost. They help us to gain the tools we need to help us identify what we may be feeling, however there is no exact timeline when it comes to the healing process and you may bounce around from grief to anger and back to denial before you hit acceptance.   Healing is not linear.
  • Accept that healing takes time – As I stated, there is no time table and healing is not linear.  Just  know, you are where you are meant to be, healing.  The more difficult the relationship and break up the harder the hit is to your body, mind and soul.  You need to be compassionate with yourself and accept that it can take years to recover and that is OK!  Honor yourself and where you are at, at every moment.
  • Allow yourself time to heal – solo – Fix yourself and heal first before bringing someone else into your world otherwise you risk repeating the same patterns until you have learned the lesson you were meant to learn – the Universe is speaking to you so listen.  The only way over it, is through it.
  • Do not fill voids by immediately trying to replace your ex – Believe it or not, you are not ready for a new relationship!  By jumping in to a new relationship, you are trying to fill a void to escape from hurt, that never works, it delays the healing process and puts other people at risk for heartbreak.
  • Allow yourself to feel anger, fear and sorrow – These feelings are normal and are part of the healing process.  Feel every feeling until you are numb to it.  Stuffing your feelings does not work, facing them head on speeds up the healing process.
  • Fill your life with interests and activities – Now is the time to try something new (new hobby, take a class, start an exercise routine), make new friends, and start some Keystone Habits (see my blog on Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits).  This creates a full and satisfying life.  Become a better version of yourself!
  • Make peace with your loss and try to forgive – If you focus too much on the loss and don’t let go of the story you will not get to acceptance and you will prolong the healing process.  There is a lesson in all this, take the time to learn what it is.
  • Let go of the story – Yes it was traumatic – yes you are in pain – yes you miss him or her – but if you do not let go of the story and make peace with what happened and why it happened you will delay creating a new and better story, one that doesn’t involve a traumatic breakup.  Learn the lesson and move forward.
  • Make time for yourself and figure out who you are as a person – I imagine you have spent a majority of time focused on your relationship and your significant other.  Now it is time to focus on yourself and figure out who you are and what makes you tick.  Fall in love with yourself!
  • If you want to find a happy, nurturing, compassionate relationship, look for those qualities inside yourself – Do you have those same qualities you are looking for in another person?   Remember … you are holding up your mirror so be who you wish to meet!  Its that simple.

Once you change your mindset from loss to opportunity, the healing process will be a much easier Journey to the next story of your new and wonderful life.

Namaste’

Please share this with others who you think will benefit from this article.

Anxiety

– The only way over it, is through it! –

Anxiety is a fear based emotion and/or feeling.  It is the feeling of a lack of control.  However, it can exist only if we feed it.

We feed anxiety by either by living in the past and wishing for a different outcome or by trying to predict or control the events of our future.

On a very basic level anxiety is a lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe.  A worry of what is to come.  An inability to process and accept the past.  It is the action of trying to prevent a certain outcome by driving it a certain way (not trusting the Universe).    It is a lack of forgiveness of others and Self.

Anxiety = fear

The anecdote for fear is to trust Self and the Universe.  We need to stop trying to control the outcome and allow the magic of the Universe to unfold.  We spend so much time trying to steer the events of our lives and dictate where we think they should go, that we end up missing the magic of where it could lead us.  We need to trust.

Anxiety will not subside on its own.  We must resolve the underlying fear or trauma before the anxiety can start to dissipate.

  1. We must dig deep and explore our past and present Self;
  2. We must let go of what we are trying to forget (but can’t);
  3. We must let go of what we fear to lose;
  4. We must not try to run from it, hide from it, nor should we feed it or mask it and expect it to go away.

We must look at anxiety/fear as if we are holding on to a very short rope.  Holding on to this rope is exhausting, draining and it is emotionally killing us.  However, this fear of letting go of the rope has become our lifeline and a way to avoid the unknown.

Letting go of that rope IS scary, however, letting goes frees you and allows you to BE!

  • Be you
  • Be happy
  • Be free
  • Be strong
  • Be loved
  • Be content
  • Be empowered
  • Be still
  • Be safe

JUST BE!!!

How do you get rid of the anxiety?

Let go of the rope!

  1. have faith – find your spirituality
  2. create a blank slate/fresh start – the life of your dreams
  3. live a clean life
  4. exercise
  5. do the right thing
  6. don’t keep secrets
  7. listen to and trust you intuition
  8. surround yourself with happy people
  9. do not run from your problems
  10. stop self medicating
  11. ask for help
  12. see a counselor/coach/therapist
  13. talk through your fears and issues
  14. feel your feelings
  15. confront childhood trauma
  16. feel – cry – repeat
  17. learn to trust yourself
  18. figure out who YOU are
  19. give up all vices (drugs, alcohol, food)
  20. enjoy the moment for what it is
  21. be in nature
  22. journal your thoughts and feelings
  23. express gratitude
  24. fall in love (with yourself and others)
  25. surround yourself with peace
  26. remove physical and emotional clutter
  27. remove those that are toxic from your life
  28. create a self care routine

Sadly I spent most of my life (starting at a very young age) living in an anxious state.  This is a horrible way to exist.  It wasn’t until I worked through my childhood trauma, abandonment and fears that I started to notice the anxiety lessen until it eventually disappeared.

I also learned coping skills to help me work through those horribly anxious moments (triggers can cause deep anxiety).  Gratefully I am able to reach into my tool belt to find the best tool to ward off the anxiety before it takes over.

Once we accept the concept that we, ourselves, actually feed the anxiety with our very own thoughts (and worry), we are able to work to change our mindset and start focusing on the positive.  Another way to ward of anxiety is to get involved in something you enjoy so you are able to change your mindset before your mind starts taking over with negative thoughts (read Grounding exercises to ease anxiety and the stress of daily life).

If you would like more information on how to work through anxiety or would like to schedule a coaching appointment, please contact us Coaching

Love, light, laughter and peace

Avesha