Tag Archives: relationships

Never let anyone own your soul

Your soul is yours, do not give it away.

It may seem like a simple statement, but it isn’t. In many circumstances we give our soul away to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Whether its a relationship, family, a business partner, or a friend, sometimes we let someone own us and control us without even realizing it.

We lose ourselves, we become someone we don’t recognize. This happens, over time.

Until one day we open our eyes and ask ourselves, what happened, how did I get here and how do I change this.

My advice to you is….implement a reset. Take a break from the relationship, sit back and see how they respond, then create boundaries. No matter what, do not let anyone treat you in a way that does not feel good. Do not let anyone speak to you in a manner in which is not respectful or kind. Do not give anyone the power to make you feel less than.

I have posted many articles about self love and self care. This love is the key to setting your boundaries and feeling comfortable doing so. It is very hard to create boundaries when you don’t have the self worth or belief that you are worthy of amazing treatment.

Here is the thing…you are!

So browse through my many self love and self care articles if you need help with this and start your journey now. If you would like to set up one on one coaching to get you on the right track, contact us today at aveshaempower@gmail.com

Namaste!

why infidelity will never plague my life again

Infidelity can rock your world and turn it upside down. True healing from infidelity is a long hard and painful process full of many ups and downs. When you come out the other side, you truly are a different person. Stronger, smarter and more aware of how fragile your soul can be. You learn that life doesn’t go as you plan and people are not always who you think they are.

Infidelity changes you as a person.

I am three years years away from the entire experience and as crazy as it sounds I am grateful for having gone through it. I remember moments I never thought I would survive, but I did. I never thought the tears would stop, I never thought I would be able to swallow food again. I couldn’t imagine ever being able to forgive. But I have.

I used to wish them death…daily. Now I don’t even think about them.

How did I get here? I did the “work” I needed to do to heal and move past the pain and the feeling of rejection and detestation.  In doing the work I developed coping skills which helped me to work through the triggers when they started to overwhelm me. Now, I don’t get those triggers anymore. I have successfully worked through the feelings, the triggers and arrived at a place of acceptance.

How did I get to acceptance?

Well, after my (ex) husband and I split, I did not immediately get into a relationship, I did not look to others to make me feel better, I did not drink, do drugs, or have sex with strangers in hopes it would take my pain away.  I didn’t do anything that would prolong my healing.

What did I do?

I did what any good therapist would tell you to do, I figuratively sat in my shit.

What that means is I felt EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF PAIN ONE CAN FEEL.  I mourned the loss of my husband to this other woman, I mourned the loss of the people I called family, I felt sorry for myself, I let go of those who no longer served me, I took accountability for my actions, my part in his infidelity and the demise of our relationship.  I simply worked through every single thing I could so that I could move forward.

That was my healing journey and I am grateful to have had this amazing experience which allowed me to grow and blossom into the person I am today.

So with a clear mind and still a sacred soul I can honestly tell you, I will never experience infidelity ever again.

How do I know this?

Because…

  1. I will never be in a relationship that is not clearly defined
  2. I will never love someone more than they love me
  3. I will never be with someone who does not share the same vision as me
  4. I will never be vulnerable with someone who does not respect me as a human being with feelings
  5. I will never be with someone who doesn’t have one nice thing to say about their last relationship, especially if it is the mother of their children
  6. I will never be with someone who is not emotionally available to me
  7. I will never be with someone who cannot commit to me, fully
  8. I will never be with someone until they are free and clear from a relationship
  9. I will never love someone who is not healthy for me
  10. I will never be with someone who isn’t fully committed to themselves and their happiness

Life is not easy, and that is OK!  If it were easy then what would be the point?   The struggle is what teaches us so many things and when we actually learn the lesson, it is then that we can move forward.

Onward with my Journey….

If you would like coaching on how to survive infidelity, please contact me and if you think this article was helpful and could be helpful to others, please share on your social media pages.

My goal and whole purpose of my writings and coaching is to help others in a time that people feel the most helpless.

Anxiety

– The only way over it, is through it! –

Anxiety is a fear based emotion and/or feeling.  It is the feeling of a lack of control.  However, it can exist only if we feed it.

We feed anxiety by either by living in the past and wishing for a different outcome or by trying to predict or control the events of our future.

On a very basic level anxiety is a lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe.  A worry of what is to come.  An inability to process and accept the past.  It is the action of trying to prevent a certain outcome by driving it a certain way (not trusting the Universe).    It is a lack of forgiveness of others and Self.

Anxiety = fear

The anecdote for fear is to trust Self and the Universe.  We need to stop trying to control the outcome and allow the magic of the Universe to unfold.  We spend so much time trying to steer the events of our lives and dictate where we think they should go, that we end up missing the magic of where it could lead us.  We need to trust.

Anxiety will not subside on its own.  We must resolve the underlying fear or trauma before the anxiety can start to dissipate.

  1. We must dig deep and explore our past and present Self;
  2. We must let go of what we are trying to forget (but can’t);
  3. We must let go of what we fear to lose;
  4. We must not try to run from it, hide from it, nor should we feed it or mask it and expect it to go away.

We must look at anxiety/fear as if we are holding on to a very short rope.  Holding on to this rope is exhausting, draining and it is emotionally killing us.  However, this fear of letting go of the rope has become our lifeline and a way to avoid the unknown.

Letting go of that rope IS scary, however, letting goes frees you and allows you to BE!

  • Be you
  • Be happy
  • Be free
  • Be strong
  • Be loved
  • Be content
  • Be empowered
  • Be still
  • Be safe

JUST BE!!!

How do you get rid of the anxiety?

Let go of the rope!

  1. have faith – find your spirituality
  2. create a blank slate/fresh start – the life of your dreams
  3. live a clean life
  4. exercise
  5. do the right thing
  6. don’t keep secrets
  7. listen to and trust you intuition
  8. surround yourself with happy people
  9. do not run from your problems
  10. stop self medicating
  11. ask for help
  12. see a counselor/coach/therapist
  13. talk through your fears and issues
  14. feel your feelings
  15. confront childhood trauma
  16. feel – cry – repeat
  17. learn to trust yourself
  18. figure out who YOU are
  19. give up all vices (drugs, alcohol, food)
  20. enjoy the moment for what it is
  21. be in nature
  22. journal your thoughts and feelings
  23. express gratitude
  24. fall in love (with yourself and others)
  25. surround yourself with peace
  26. remove physical and emotional clutter
  27. remove those that are toxic from your life
  28. create a self care routine

Sadly I spent most of my life (starting at a very young age) living in an anxious state.  This is a horrible way to exist.  It wasn’t until I worked through my childhood trauma, abandonment and fears that I started to notice the anxiety lessen until it eventually disappeared.

I also learned coping skills to help me work through those horribly anxious moments (triggers can cause deep anxiety).  Gratefully I am able to reach into my tool belt to find the best tool to ward off the anxiety before it takes over.

Once we accept the concept that we, ourselves, actually feed the anxiety with our very own thoughts (and worry), we are able to work to change our mindset and start focusing on the positive.  Another way to ward of anxiety is to get involved in something you enjoy so you are able to change your mindset before your mind starts taking over with negative thoughts (read Grounding exercises to ease anxiety and the stress of daily life).

If you would like more information on how to work through anxiety or would like to schedule a coaching appointment, please contact us Coaching

Love, light, laughter and peace

Avesha

 

 

 

 

Who are you?

Through the process of self-discovery I realized that I had spent so much time living the way I wanted others to see me that I wasn’t being my true and authentic self. After much time alone in self-discovery mode I have truly found my path on this Journey and it is incredible.

One of the best things that I did was removing myself from all social media (i.e. Facebook, Instagram). In fact this is first thing I require my coaching clients to do. This helps them regain their sense of worth, empowers them to validate themselves and frees up a lot of time that they were spending looking at other people’s lives and comparing their own lives to another’s. This is not healthy.

My advice to everyone who is on a Journey of healing is — GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! Yes, I am yelling 🙂

Once you remove yourself from social media or at least Facebook, you can start to learn who you are and get to know yourself without all of the noise and the constant chaos of social media. You won’t be posting something in hopes of validation that someone “liked” it and disappointment when they don’t. Instead, that validation will come from within. It is critical that you learn to validate yourself and not seek your self worth from others.

It took me a good solid and downright painful year of solitude to figure out who I was, the good and the not so good. I found it to be easier to start with the broken side of me, because that is usually the most obvious and well its the hardest to face and conquer.

I learned very quickly that I was a complete control freak which derived from a severe fear of abandonment. I literally tried to control every single aspect of my life. I knew this needed to change. So I dug deep with a therapist and we started working to heal those childhood wounds. I learned that because of my need for control, I wasn’t even remotely enjoying life I was steering and driving it to go the way I thought it needed to go and missing the beauty of surprise which can be so magical. I was missing all of the magic.

The reality is, it is impossible to control every aspect of our lives, but this is a hard lesson to learn for sure.

I learned many other things about myself which were depressing, interesting, eye opening and confusing all at the same time but I have to say, this Journey of self discovery has been truly amazing. Learning about yourself is cathartic on so many levels and really opens up the doors to healing.

So, after I started working through the “bad” stuff, the positive parts of me surfaced and I have discovered some really neat things about me.

Like….I am more of an introvert than an extrovert, which was highly surprising to me. In the past I always centered myself around people and truly felt I needed people to survive. This is no longer the case. I understand now that it was my intense fear of being alone that drove a more extroverted behavior and not that I was an actual extrovert.

I also learned that I am very creative, intuitive and philosophical a true to form Sagittarius.

As a result of all this work, I really appreciate and even crave my alone/down time so much, I process information differently, I look forward to every moment I spend on my yoga mat and I am actually able to meditate on my own now. I used to think with meditation you had to shut down your brain to the point that no thoughts entered which is impossible and not what is required. Once I got the concept of simply “resting your body and mind” even for 5 minutes, I saw the benefits immediately.

Because of this transition I am a better person. My relationships are stronger and deeper. I have zero tolerance for toxic people and because of this I made a conscious choice to only surround myself with people who I feel good around. Sounds a little selfish, but it isn’t. Life is short and spending it with people who emotionally drain you or continuously take from you is not healthy, for either person. 

Always choose yourself.

The old me used to be busy constantly, planning my weekends in advance and making sure I always had a social function to attend or in the very least, people to spend time with. Now, I value my time so much, that I refuse to plan my life away. Some things are avoidable and there are times you need to plan things in advance. But my weekends are my time and most of the time I don’t know what I want to do until I tackle the day and sometimes I just want to do my own thing with no responsibilities or commitments and I want that flexibility to decide. This is OK!

Through this amazing transformation I have learned who I am as a person, a mother, friend, co-worker, employee and person of society and I truly like who I am. There are things I am working on and things that will not change that I have to accept about myself, but overall I am the healthiest I have ever been. I am grateful to have had this time to find me.

So, I encourage you to ask yourself…who are you? do you like you? and what would you change if you could?

Namaste’

Interested in life coaching?

Visit http://www.AveshaEmpower.com and contact us to schedule a free consultation

Be who you wish to meet!

Would you date yourself?

I have been empowering myself the past few days to really figure out who I am, what makes me tick, what I want and who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  The message I received is….”would you date yourself?”

Chances are, if I don’t want to be with myself, why would anyone else want to be with me.  Right?

Yesterday I was driving to town and I drove by a church, out front it had a sign that said “Be Who You Want to Meet”.  Awesome!  I love when I get messages like that.  They are so blatant but so intimate and personal at the same time.

So many of us ask the Universe for messages and we miss them because we don’t accept these little messages as gifts from the Universe, but that is what they are.

After talking to a friend about some personal goals I am trying to achieve, I told him about my question…would I date myself.  He found this intriguing, as do I.

So I asked myself the question and the answer is private so I will not be sharing in this post – but let me just say, once you ask yourself this question, it prompts more questions and is very helpful with self discovery.

This simple question can lead to so many other questions that can then guide you to discover what areas you need to focus on to further develop yourself.

So, today I empower you to ask yourself…”would I date me”???

And then explore the why’s of yes and no…and focus on the positive not just the negative.

For example you might say, “yes of course I would date myself!” with sheer confidence..like, “duh, why wouldn’t I, that’s just silly!”

Ok, yes, you are awesome and you would date yourself, now tell yourself why, maybe list all the reasons. (i.e. I am super smart, funny, a lot of fun to be with, spontaneous, good looking, etc).    Then ask yourself….would you date yourself for an extended period of time?  would you marry yourself?  are there things that would annoy you and if so, what are they? what do you see as a problem area if you were to date or marry yourself (i.e. are you stubborn, a poor communicator, selfish, a bad listener, can’t compromise, etc.”)

What a fantastic way to discover – (a) why you are able to attract but not sustain a partner (b) not attract a partner at all (c) or why you aren’t able to commit (d) why you are fantastic at long term relationships, etc.

We are all unique and have our own relationship successes and struggles.  Sometimes we know people who are super lucky and seem to have no issues with relationships and we also know people who can’t seem to get it right, ever (this was me).

They say what you focus on and where you put your energy is what you are manifesting.  So, when you want to change career fields what do you do?  you educate yourself, study, take courses, get certified etc.  Then you start looking for the job, putting your feelers out, creating an amazing resume and then go online and apply for jobs.  Therein starts the manifestation process.  You are now focusing your energy on this new “thing” you desire and that is how to manifest what you want.

Same goes for a relationship.  You attract, what you are.  You spend your energy on the wrong people, that is what you will continuously attract.

If you are in a place of emotional unavailability..guess what you will manifest and draw to you?  yep, someone who is also emotionally unavailable.  Its really that simple.

It is not rocket science and the law of attraction is not hokey.  Think about it, ever have a bad day, you spill coffee on yourself and you get angry, then you get in the car and you are out of gas so you get even angrier then you get to work and you spill water all over your keyboard (yes all of this has happened to me).

The lesson here is, the more you feed that negative energy the more you will attract it.

If you simply, breathe…change your shirt or pants, and do not allow negative energy to take over, then you can carry on with your day.  Even if you are out of gas…ok, go to gas station and fill the tank and again, carry on with your day.  Leave all that negative energy behind.  Otherwise you will have an entire day filled with negative things happening.

You can also turn negative things around and make them positive.  The power really does live inside of you.

I digress.

So be who you want to meet.  Such a simple concept but so powerful at the same time.

Namaste

 

 

 

Empowered Feminine Energy

Learning how to balance your feminine and masculine energy (think ying / yang) is not an easy task, especially in today’s society.

Women are becoming more and more independent by honing in on their masculine energy.  In addition to being focused on their blossoming career they also tend to be in control of their home life.  Carrying much of the responsibilities with regard to children and managing and structuring home life which is run like a well oiled machine.

With women managing so much responsibility and having to be so “in control” they tend to lose their feminine energy and be more connected to their masculine energy.

Feminine Energy is –

  1. intuition
  2. emotions
  3. connection to nature
  4. being in tune with the cycles of life and the seasons
  5. creativity
  6. gives life
  7. attracts
  8. receives
  9. water element
  10. empathy
  11. sensuality
  12. spiritual

So how does a woman learn how to “be” vs. “do”?

How does she let go of control and allow things to happen?

How can she focus and enjoy the experience or the Journey and not focus or try to predict the end result and surrender to the unknown?

Well, she needs to do things that can help bring out and foster her feminine energy and regain balance and the natural flow of this energy.

Those things can include (but are not limited to):

  1. Dance – put on some music, sway to the beat, move around, jump around, do not stay still.  Enjoy the music and you can even sing if your soul desires to do so.
  2. Surround yourself with beauty – feminine colors (like pink, red, or peach), soft fabrics, amazing scents and beautiful sounds.
  3. Allow a day free of plan & just go with the flow.
  4. Foster your creativity:
    1. Crafting
    2. Painting
    3. Gardening
    4. Home decor/improvement
    5. Art
    6. Fashion
    7. Crocheting/knitting/sewing
    8. Writing
  5. Learn about yourself by being sensual – draw yourself a warm bath with Epsom salt and essential oils; burn a candle or two; listen to soft music; read a book; relax and enjoy.  Do anything that stimulates all 5 senses.

When we embrace and nurture our feminine energy we drawn in success (personal and professional), amazing people, and healthy relationships without the hustle and grind of trying to make things happen.

So ask yourself where are you most blocked?

What will you do to discover your feminine energy?

Contact me and let me know if you would like guidance while trying to discover this energy.

Namaste!

How to practice self love daily

How do you start your day?

~Life is an endless process of self discovery~

Self-love is not a trend, it is not something you do when you feel like it.  You don’t just “do self-love” after a break up or after you experience trauma.  Self-love is a life long practice that needs to be added to your every day life. With self-love comes the releasing of negative thoughts and self-criticism by embracing more of a loving and positive acceptance of yourself through forgiveness of yourself and others.

The Universal concept is that our thoughts create our actions and therefore those thoughts dictate the outcome in our lives.  Self-love is a very powerful and necessary practice and critical if you want to have healthy relationships with others.

Self-love is not selfish!

Taking care of and loving ourselves and being a whole, sound and emotionally healthy person allows us to take care of others without it feeling like a burden. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, if you don’t rest and relax your soul, then you will be of no help to others— especially yourself.  You will eventually feel drained and eventually there will be nothing left to give.  You must give to yourself as well as give to others.

Below is a a simple self-love checklist that may seem overwhelming to you at first, however, I promise that if you commit to adding a majority of them into your daily routine or practice as I like to call it, every single day, you’ll see the benefits immediately.

45 Ways to Practice Self-Love

  1. Create a quiet and safe zone in your home (may it be a corner, a closet, or a spare rom and deem it your “space”)
  2. Buy yourself fresh flowers (or cut them from your garden and display them)
  3. Grow a garden of fresh vegetables
  4. Start an exercise routine (yoga, pilates, the gym, take a walk) – increase those endorphins (see Creating a workout routine you can and will stick to)
  5. Read, take a nap, listen to music, sit quietly – please just rest your soul
  6. Buy yourself some new makeup and play with it
  7. Create a daily bucket list and post it
  8. Repeat the following mantra “I love and accept myself”
  9. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself
  10. Create a gratitude journal (see How to start Journaling – Keystone Habit)
  11. Start your day with meditation and yoga
  12. Implement a “treat yourself day” (mine is Friday)
  13. Dress nice, even if you don’t have to, put on those earrings, scarf and lipstick and show the world how beautiful you are
  14. Take a breath between your bites of food and savor the taste
  15. Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea and savor each sip
  16. Have a protein or collagen smoothie every morning
  17. Sleep at least 7 hours a day
  18. Say no and be ok with it
  19. Pay it forward, always
  20. Make someone feel good whenever you can
  21. Smile often, even if no one is smiling at you (they may think you are weird but that is ok)
  22. Eat food that is nourishing (put down the boxed food – unless its treat day)
  23. Get a massage and have them use essential oils
  24. Go for a hike or long walk in nature
  25. Be confident (walk and talk with confidence)
  26. Learn something new – dance classes, yoga, tennis lessons, start or join a MeetUp group
  27. Host a ladies night
  28. Call a friend and laugh for hours about nothing (no complaining)
  29. Spend time with your kids before they grow up and move away 😦
  30. Get a new haircut and/or buy some new makeup
  31. Eat chocolate guilt free (maybe on treat day)
  32. When someone offers your a compliment, simply say, “Thank you”
  33. Travel solo
  34. Set a no screen time in your house (dinner, after 9, etc)
  35. Set goals (see Improve your life with these simple Keystone Habits)
  36. Take a day off and do something nice for yourself (go to the gym, coffee shop, shop, meet a friend for lunch, take a walk, sleep)
  37. Self-love mantra: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”
  38. Let go of what no longer serves you
  39. Buy a diffuser and infuse essential oils like lavender
  40. Write a letter to yourself and put it away for a year
  41. Host a dinner party
  42. Hire a coach or a counselor (see The real benefits of working with a Life Coach)
  43. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt and lavender (or whatever your favorite oil is)
  44. Make new friends (and remove those toxic ones)
  45. Clean out your closet and donate clothes you no longer wear

The biggest message I have is, be gentle with yourself and always honor where you are at every stage of your Journey.

The best advice I have been given – ever is to ~feel your feelings~

Namaste’

Contact Us if you would like to work with a coach to help you kick start your self-love and self care routine!