Why you should heal your unresolved trauma

Everything starts with a vision and then it turns into a reality or a “thing”.

You must have a dream and that dream sparks a vision, that vision turns into a plan and that plan becomes reality!

My dream is to do something I am completely passionate about…

Helping People!

Yes, the idea of helping people who are struggling emotionally, physically or mentally fills my soul, completely.

We all have issues, and most everyone is struggling with something whether it is situational or chemical, stems from childhood, etc. Doesn’t matter what the struggle is….because it is for real. Although, unfortunately, not everyone is ready to admit what they struggle with, that’s ok, its never to late to heal.

Trauma is my specialty!

Trauma, or shall I say unresolved trauma is not something that disappears or will simply go away if you ignore it. It festers. It is always there. Lurking. 99% of the time it develops into something…anxiety, addiction, eating disorder, sex addiction, emotional availability, boderline personality disorder…you name it, unresolved trauma can cause it!

Trauma likes to rear its ugly head now and again so that you will address it. It wants to be addressed! Trust me! Unfortunately there are a number of people walking around with unresolved trauma and aren’t sure where to begin to address and some believe (a) they do not have a real problem or (b) they can’t be helped (among other things). If you simply open your mind to be aware of the patterns in your life, you can start connecting the dots to the when, where and why of your troubles. (I did this and it was an amazing exercise, contact me if you want help with this).

One example of unresolved trauma is a cyclical, abusive & emotionally unavailable relationship. These relationships form a pattern. I am sure many of you can look back and see a pattern or patterns stemming back far and wide in your life. Patterns are something that provide us comfort. We know what to expect, there is discomfort, for some, in the unknown.

These types of relationships and these patterns are all a result of some form of trauma. Whether its childhood abuse, neglect from a caregiver / family member or simply something traumatic that you experienced at some point in your life. These experiences have helped you form a belief about yourself (a lot of times that you are not worthy) and a fear (i.e. abandonment or engulfment).

Sound familiar?

Let’s talk cyclical relationships or push pull as some like to refer to this type of relationship. I have had my share of these relationships for sure – I could consider and do deem myself an expert. Which is totally not a good thing! However, I am so grateful I moved past this….and healed.

I digress..

In any cyclical relationship there is the runner and the chaser. But don’t be fooled, these two can switch roles at any time and as often as needed. The key position here = control!

Guess which one has all the control?

Yep, its the runner. Why? Because by running he gets chased (therefore he has all the control) and that chasing validates his worth. Being chased says to him “you are worthy”. Now, lets say the chaser gets tired of chasing, this is devastating for the runner because this tell the runner he is not worthy anymore, so what does he do? he starts chasing the chaser and now the roles have reversed. The chaser now becomes the runner until the runner stops running and the chaser becomes the runner. IT IS A VISCOUS CIRCLE!

The entire issues here is-

Emotional unavailability!

What keeps this couple together and the relationship alive is, the chase.

This can be exciting, for a while, but also emotionally draining, damaging to your psyche and completely unhealthy as this is the dynamic that feeds this relationship. It can never turn into a healthy one as this is a useless empty game that destroys both players self worth.

The fix

  • Therapy
  • Coaching
  • Self love all day long!

As I suggested, unresolved trauma can result in anxiety, depression, addiction, and so much more. So the key is to work to resolve it. You can change your patterns. You can heal from trauma and you can live a happy and emotionally healthy life and yes, you can be completely emotionally available. It can take years, but it is worth the investment in yourself and your future mental wellness to work towards healing.

So, if any of this resonates with you and you are looking to work with a coach to resolve trauma I would love to hear from you. Just go to our Contact page at http://www.aveshaempower.com and send me a message of what you are struggling with, that will be our first step on your journey to healing.

*commitment to healing is a must*

You are loved –

Avesha

How to relieve anxiety without meds by “grounding” or “earthing”

The most important thing about anxiety is to understand what it truly is.

  • Anxiety is fear.
  • Anxiety is lack of control.
  • Anxiety is worry.
  • Anxiety is self created (most of the time).
  • Anxiety can be controlled.

There are different types of anxiety, so I encourage you to educate yourself on the signs and symptoms and type of anxiety that exist. You can visit https://www.anxiety.org/what-is-anxiety to get started.

Anxiety can be felt all over your body, if you do not gain control over your anxiety you can develop panic attacks and eventually a full on panic disorder.

Panic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It causes panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of terror when there is no real danger. You may feel as if you are losing control. You may also have physical symptoms, such as

  • Fast heartbeat
  • Chest or stomach pain
  • Breathing difficulty
  • Weakness or dizziness
  • Sweating
  • Feeling hot or a cold chill
  • Tingly or numb hands

Panic attacks can happen anytime, anywhere, and without warning. One you experience one, you may live in fear of another attack and may avoid places that trigger you into an attack. For some people, fear takes over their lives and they cannot leave their homes and they become a prisoner to their disorder.

Panic disorders are more common in women than men. They usually start during adolescence. Stress is a huge trigger. People can resolve anxiety and almost abolish it, with proper treatment. Therapy can teach you how to recognize the triggers, develop coping skills and change your thinking patterns before they lead to panic. Medicines can also help but should be used as a last resort.

There are many different ways to manage anxiety. I wrote an article a few years ago for the Elephant Journal magazine which was really popular and helped a number of people – click here to read this amazing article!

Taken from this article I provide you with 5 proven techniques to cope with your anxiety without medicine by “grounding” or “earthing”.

Grounding is a technique that brings people back to the present moment when they are in the midst of chaos. Grounding skills can be helpful with managing feelings of intense anxiety and can help people regain their mental focus after a traumatic event or anxiety-induced state.

There are many proven ways to ground yourself. If you are in the midst of an anxiety attack and need to get “grounded,” you can start by counting backward, either in your mind or out loud; this is actually a mental distraction, and therefore, takes the focus off the anxiety.

Another wonderful and successful technique is to look around the room and name what you see: lamp, table, picture of my kids, five pens in a pencil holder, painting with a horse and a tree…whatever it is you see, call it out. This helps ground you in the present moment.

Some grounding techniques are actually referred to as “earthing”—and like the name suggests, you literally become one with the earth by putting your body in direct, uninterrupted contact with the earth. This exercise requires that your skin touch the soil, sand, water, or a conductive surface that is in contact with the earth.

This can be mean dipping your toes in the sand at the beach, walking in nature, going for a hike deep in the forest, swimming in a lake or the ocean, planting seeds (or replanting flowers) and digging in the dirt, or just walking through the grass barefoot. Earthing has a tremendous amount of health benefits—too many to mention in this article, so I empower you to google “earthing” and “grounding.”

Here’s a list of my favorite grounding activities (more than one involves earthing):

1. Walking or hiking.

Walking is the simplest and most effective way to reduce anxiety. Walking at an even pace has a very calming effect. It can evoke mindfulness, clear your head of rapidly cycling thoughts, and release stress. When walking (or hiking) in nature you will feel more relaxed during the walk. You can also take it one step further and meditate while you walk. Walks on the beach are amazingly therapeutic as well. The salt air and calming sound of the ocean is very grounding.

2. Yoga.

Specifically, Hatha yoga, which is the simplest form of asanas (yoga postures) and pranayama (breathing techniques) can be helpful. Yoga is the soul practice of the body, mind, and spirit—and it brings us to a state of mindfulness. This can be done at home, and we can practice for as short or as long a time as we desire. I recommend at least 15 minutes for session length, although 30 minutes is ideal.

3. Gardening.

Nothing connects you to the earth more than gardening. This is a fantastic example of earthing, as your hands are completely immersed in the soil. It’s such a peaceful and mindful art—and one that has so many benefits.

4. Journaling.

This keeps us in a state of mindfulness by helping to remove negative thoughts, as well as organizing those distracting, racing thoughts. Getting your thoughts and ideas down on paper will help you clear your mind and enable you to get to a peaceful state quickly. Organizing your thoughts also helps you to set (and ultimately obtain) goals in a more efficient way.

5. Arts/Crafts/Creativity.

Being creative by using your imagination and putting ideas into action is a very grounding activity that also has a beneficial and tangible outcome.

Whatever practice you choose, immerse yourself in it. Bask in the moment of the activity—and when you find that your mind starts to drift and your thoughts beginning to wander, bring yourself back to the moment.

Feel the earth as you put your hands in the dirt; walk across the grass, or stick your toes in the sand. To ground yourself even further, describe how it feels out loud . Describing it makes it feel extra real.

I love walking barefoot in the grass on a chilly summer morning after it has rained and the grass is wet with dew. The feeling is magical and reminds me of childhood. Remember being a child and running through the sprinkler? Wasn’t that magical?

Even as adults, we can create magical moments that make us feel like children again. We feel the wonderment, the joy, and the peace we felt as kids, when we were riding our bikes and the wind blew through our hair—or doing somersaults on a warm summer day with the sun beaming down on us. How about that moment when you take that first lick of an ice cream cone? Yumm.

Those moments are priceless.

We can have those now, as adults—we just need to create them. We live in a world of chaos and instant gratification, so it takes a commitment to ourselves to take a step back and slow things down, so we can enjoy every single moment—because right now is all we have.

So, I empower you to try at least one of these amazing techniques to help ground you and help you live in each moment as it comes. It isn’t easy…but over time, it will become easier.

Love and happiness always!

Avesha

Becoming the best You!

I empower you to ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are you living as the best version of yourself?
  2. Are you living your life in a way that brings you peace and contentment?
  3. Am I honoring myself and truly living my best life?

The following will help you as you do the work to become your best self!

Practice Balance

We must balance our life in order to be our best and most healthy self.  When we are trying to “manage” life without balance we tend to burn out quickly.

Creating a balanced lifestyle will help you avoid the crash & burn which leads to anxiety, depression and stress.  Commit to a self care routine – even 15 minutes a day doing something for yourself (i.e. yoga, meditating, taking a walk or a soak in an Epsom salt and lavender bath) will re-charge and refresh your soul.

Shift your self perception

During the process of learning who you are, you will experience painful moments.

Rather than resisting or struggling against these times, breathe into them. Shift your perspective so that you appreciate these moments knowing they are helping you grow.

I read this sentence in an article recently and it resonated with me “Feel it, its going to hurt. But every moment you are sobbing, you are doing the work.  Every moment you are hurting, you are healing.  The only way out, is through.”

Thank the Universe for this learning opportunity, forgive yourself and those who have hurt you and focus on all the wonderful things that make you who you are.

Have and live your values

What is your Mantra?

If you haven’t defined the best version of yourself, begin with your values.

What are the most important values in your personal life and work?

What values do you use to define the person you are now and who do you want to be in the future.

Get very clear on those and write your values in your journal and add to them over time as you start to shift perspective.

Vision

Spend some time with yourself and create a vision for your future life.  Look at every aspect of your life and envision how you want it to look 1 year from now, 5 years from now, etc.

You can do this through journaling, drawing, vision boards etc.

This is a fun  and creative way to manifest a vision.

Create a Put into Action Plan

Once you have brought your vision to life it is time to execute an action plan on how to receive all you desire.  Setting goals is important and a huge part of creating the vision.  Use stepping stones to get there….one step at a time.

Create rituals

I love rituals as I speak of them in almost every blog.  Rituals create a pattern or a habit and create consistency which is critical with self-love and self-care.  It is easy to start something and eventually fizzle out.  I personally have learned from experience that rituals keep us on task and motivated to keep going.

Let go

We all have those people in our life that have been in our life a while, however we aren’t sure why we still engage with them.  They are a negative time-suck and are actually toxic to our existence.  We dodge their phone calls, don’t return their texts but still we keep them around.

Let them go!

If they no longer serve you in a positive way, if you feel drained from being in their presence, let them go.

By letting them go you will open the door for something better.

Simplify

Determine what you really need in life to be happy. Usually its the simplicity of life that brings us the happiest moments.

Exercise:  host a de-clutter ritual in your home.  It can be very healing.

Create a life you don’t need a vacation from

How many times do you hear people say, “uh, I need a vacation”.  Guess what, you can go away but you must return.  Since a vacation isn’t forever why don’t you create a life that you don’t need to run away from.  Make your home your sanctuary.  Create rituals in your life that give you a break from reality without having to spend thousands to do so.

Trust your intuition

Listen to your gut….always.  Intuition will never steer you the wrong way.

Focus on exercise/nutrition

Start an exercise routine today if you haven’t already.  There are so many wonderful and free resources out there to help you design your own wellness routine.  If you need help creating this routine, please contact me at aveshaempower@gmail.com and we will get you started.  This also includes nutrition.  Start a Keystone Habit involving exercise and eating healthy and watch everything else fall into place.

Work on forgiveness and healing

Where you are wounded, where you are hurt, where you are frightened — seek healing. Restore yourself. Get well again. Do what must be done to heal. You can’t be the best version of yourself when you are emotionally, mentally, or physically unwell.

Express gratitude

Spend a few minutes in gratitude every day through mindful meditation. Focus on all the blessings in your life and thank the Universe for them. Being grateful for what you do have and acknowledging that gratitude will change your mindset over time.

Give back

There are many ways to give back, either through community work or spending time with your friends and sharing this new mindset with your them.  Everyone can benefit from being their happiest and healthiest self.

What is your best version of yourself, and how are you working to become that person?

Namaste’