Daily Prompt – Betrayed

Mar 31, 2018

via Prompts: Betrayed

Where do I begin on betrayal, shall I start with childhood or adulthood?

How about a less victim approach…how about the betrayal I experienced within myself.

Self care and self love are not buzz words, they are real. The people that call them “buzz words” or think its “trendy” to love themselves are in fear and denial and are betraying themselves the way I did for the entire first half of my life.

As I mentioned in my previous writings, the Universe is a real thing and it truly does give you messages and over time if you choose to ignore them, the Universe will step in, shake things up and if you are lucky you will learn the lesson you are meant to learn. If you do not, then you are betraying yourself. You have turned your back on yourself and you will learn even deeper lessons by doing so.

There is betrayal on a deep level in so many areas, we can be betrayed by our parents, our husbands, our friends, but ultimately the deepest betrayal is the one we experience with ourselves. This is the only one that truly matters. Family can pass, husbands can leave, friendships fade, the only person guaranteed to stay with you…is yourself. So do not betray yourself, you need you.

~Respect and Honor Yourself~

Ways to Honor Yourself

Mar 26, 2018

I am a self-proclaimed expert in the art of self-love and self-care. I have gone from abusing myself in many ways to falling madly in love with myself on so many levels.

Self-love is such a personal thing that it is almost impossible for me to tell someone exactly how to love themselves, however, I feel I am educated enough on the topic to be able to make suggestions on where to start when someone is first entering their Journey into self-love and self-care.

Routines are very important because consistency is the key to any successful change. It takes 21-26 days for a routine to become a habit. In the beginning you will have to remind yourself that its important to do xyz… however, over time, it will just be a natural part of your day and one that you will look forward to.

For instance, I used to fear mornings…I would wake up with so many thoughts circling around in my head. I would instantly feel alone and anxious. So, when I started on my Journey to healing the first thing I created was a morning routine. I created a beautiful and peaceful morning routine that eased my anxiety, soothed my soul and prepared me for the day ahead. This routine is so amazing that I actually look forward to my mornings now, for the first time in my life.

So I speak from experience when I provide suggestions and ideas that may help you.

Below are ways you can honor yourself each and every day:

Respect your body – there are so many levels of this topic that I would love to address but will focus on this one area – your body is yours and not to be given to anyone who doesn’t honor you. Respect yourself and others will follow suit.
Honor where you are at – wherever you are in life, know that you are exactly where you need to be at that moment. Know that nothing stays the same forever, we have free will and the ability to create change and suffering doesn’t last.
Feel your feelings – whatever they are…feel them. Anxious, sad, mad, happy, elated, excited, nervous. Sit with them and feel them. Let them guide you. If you are unhappy or anxious do not stuff them or hide them, they will resurface with a vengeance. Feel them, and then let them go.
Treat yourself – what do you enjoy? a coffee at the cafe, massages, dinner with friends, a weekend retreat, yoga a few times a week, facials, hot baths? what is your thing? whatever it is…do it.
Forgive yourself – we are human and make mistakes, lots of them! Forgive yourself for those you have hurt, for the bad choices you made, for the hurt you caused yourself, acknowledge these things and forgive yourself. Then let it go.
Tell yourself how amazing you are – because you are smart, kind, loving, sweet, beautiful, hard working and so many other things. Tell yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to validate you, validate yourself.
Celebrate your wins – there is always a win, even if all you did was get out of bed, get your kids off to school, make it to work on time, those are wins!
Support yourself through losses – you will have down days, things that didn’t go as planned, someone will hurt you or you will hurt someone. Support yourself through those moments.
Relax and rest your soul – take some time for you and only you. Give yourself a much needed time out. Read a book, take a bath, walk in the park, get a pedicure, go to the gym, roll out the mat and do some yoga. Whatever it is that fills your soul, do it.
Find quiet time – create a “quiet zone” at home, decorate that space and deem it yours. Use that space for your quiet time, no screens (TV, iPhone, iPad, etc.). Close your eyes, meditate, listen to music, read.
Exercise – this topic is in every single blog I write and I will beat it to death. Our bodies need movement. Find what you enjoy and can commit to and move your body. Walking, hiking, yoga, Pilates, Barre, HIIT, boot camp, etc. Get on that treadmill, go to the park, do yoga at home or a studio, download a boot camp app. Just commit to at least 3x a week of movement.
Do things you love – are you creative – start by doing some DIY projects, enjoy time with people – join or start a MeetUp group, want to learn something new – take a class. The sky is the limit.
Put yourself first – it is not selfish!
Set goals – goal setting is very empowering and keeps us on task. It also helps us manifest the things we desire.
Seek solace in nature – nature is very grounding and provides us with a direct connection to earth. Spending time in nature, either on the beach, in the woods, planting in your garden can help ease anxiety and ground us back to a healthy place.
Feed your body nourishing foods – you are what you eat, enough said!

I hope you can identify with a number of these suggestions.

~joy~love~light~

-Avesha

Pragmatic vs. Magical Thinking..a lesson

Mar 24, 2018

During a session with my therapist we discussed relationships, past and potential. When he asked me what I wanted, I told him I had received exactly what I had asked for…my ex-husband. I shared that I felt like I went to a counter, ordered my person and they delivered him to me exactly how I described. Kind of like when you order at Starbucks and they nail it, amazing feeling right?

As I described how my ex-husband entered my life….my therapist said “wow, that sounds magical” and my response was “oh yes, it was”. In all reality, the way I tell the story, it does sound quite magical, however, magical isn’t always reality.

So this is why I go to therapy <smiles>. My therapist says to me, “well that certainly is magical, but let me give you a pragmatic perspective”. So we went on to what I like to call deep dive and break down every little detail that I considered magical, with his pragmatic approach. Sure enough, I had completely dramatized the entire relationship…from the beginning of our courtship to the demise of our marriage. He apologized for busting my magical bubble, but I was OK with it, very much so. The reality was refreshing.

I absorbed that conversation as I got home and started to really process the reality of the nine years I spent with this person. I used the pragmatic approach and found that the reality was much different than the fantasy I had created. The boy meets girl story….wasn’t so magical, in fact it was quite dysfunctional and if I were who that girl today on the day that he entered my life…things would be much different. Thank God for therapy, self-love and time alone.

That being said, pragmatic might be my favorite word right now as I have taken off my rose colored glasses and I am committed to using this approach in all areas of my life. I am ready to see things for what they really are vs. what we make them out to be or how we may perceive them may although that may not be what the reality of the situation actually is. Perspective is good which is why having a trusted therapist or Life Coach is such a blessing and critical when you are working to change your life’s path.

So today I encourage you to deep dive into your life and be pragmatic about the details – ask yourself, am I in reality or is this magical thinking.

Till Soon!

~joy~light~love~

**As always, if you are interested in scheduling a free Life Coaching session please Contact Avesha Empower today**

Things I wish I did years ago…

Mar 18, 2018

But I am putting them into practice now! So, better late than not at all.

I could share a long story about why these are critical exercises but I don’t feel that is necessary. We all have our story and my hope here is to provide guidance to those who need it.

So here we go….

Embrace the difficult – there is power in the pain, strength in the struggle and knowledge you receive from lessons you are meant to learn. My advice: learn your lessons the first time and there will be less struggle. Struggle = success, strength & progress
Exercise Daily! – if you have been following me or have read any of my blogs you know I believe that exercise is the end all be all to happiness or at least the start of it. I believe the Journey to happiness starts with giving your body the movement that it needs to release the essential endorphins and get the happiness flowing inside you. We were NOT made to be sedentary. Get moving, start exercising TODAY! Take a walk, get on your treadmill, do some yoga, go to the gym. Whatever you fancy…do it.
Be Grateful – for every single aspect of your life. Even the struggle. Wake up and be grateful you are alive, for your hot cup of coffee, for sunlight, a job that pays you, friends that you spend time with. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. Gratitude = manifesting more things to be grateful for
Enjoy the simplicity of life – wake up with the sunrise, take a walk in nature, read to your kids, cook a nice meal, make a hot cup of coffee or tea and sit on the deck and just listen to the birds, play in your garden, read a good book, take a walk at sunset and thank the Universe for another day. It is the simplicity of life that brings us the most happiness, believe it or not.
Keep a Journal or two – I have multiple journals…one for my thoughts, one for my goals, a small one that I carry around with me where I jot down ideas, stories or things I simply want to try. Journaling is a fabulous way to release the ruminating thoughts that take over your brain. It is also one of the top Keystone Habits (after exercise). I journal every morning as part of my morning ritual.
Complain less and appreciate more – if things are hard and you are at your end, instead of complaining, which solves nothing, find solutions. Make small changes (baby steps), start implementing Keystone Habits, you must do something OR accept what is. Complaining = negative energy
Don’t settle for less than you deserve – if you are not ready for a relationship, do not start one. If you are dating and you know the person isn’t right for you…let them go. Learn how to be with yourself. Figure out what you want in a person and don’t settle for anything less. You know what you want, and what you are worth so why settle for anything less? Settling = cheating yourself out of something amazing
Do not judge others – this was and is still a huge lesson for me. It’s very easy for us to make a judgment based off an encounter with someone. However, we don’t know their life story and have no idea what their struggle is. So we make a judgment about them that is completely unfair. You do not know where a person has been or what they are going through, so be kind and accept them for who they are and where they are at that moment.
Be kind for no reason – smile at the cashier at Target, maybe she doesn’t smile back or even know why you’re smiling, it doesn’t matter. Say “good morning” to people as you walk down the street to your office. Compliment someone’s shoes, hair or hat. Hold the door or elevator. Do something nice for someone, you have no idea what a person is going through and you might just make their day.
De-Clutter and simplify – you have read this before, but its true…get rid of clutter, remove all items you no longer use. If you haven’t touched it in three years and is not a family heirloom and it doesn’t hold sweet memories..toss it! Downsize, live within your means and surround yourself with things that bring out the best in you.
Practice patience – this is another practice I am working on and I admit I am not very good at but it is something I practice daily. Patience is a skill that we are not born with, it needs to be developed. For those of us fire signs 🙂 we tend to have less patience and more energy than most people. There are those with a more laid back approach to life whereas patience comes a little easier than those of us who take a more aggressive approach to life. However, patience can be taught, learned and implemented. It is critical to our success to have patience and trust that the Universe knows exactly what we need and when we need it.
Letting go of the past – I have said it before and I will say it again, the past does not define us and it has no place in our present and our future. If you have learned your lessons and are on the right path you will no longer need to revisit the past, it has nothing to offer you. You can remember good moments, but don’t focus on them so much that you are not mindful of the present and especially the now, because this moment really is all any of us have. So “be here now” should be your mantra…if you find your mind wandering to a memory of the past…honor it and say to yourself “be here now” and move on and focus on that moment, as best you can. Letting go of the past and being mindful is hard and takes work but your brain can be re-trained to not wander off to the past and get stuck there. Remember…be here now.
Love yourself – madly and unconditionally. This is a hard concept for some, I know it was for me. I didn’t understand it until I started a self-love/self-care ritual and I learned how magical it is to put yourself first and to fall madly in love with yourself. I have written several articles which have been published in Elephant Journal Magazine (love this magazine) about self-love and taking care of yourself and how to ease anxiety. Read them at your leisure 🙂

https://www.elephantjournal.com/now/5-simple-grounding-exercises-to-ease-anxiety-the-stress-of-daily-life/ and

https://www.elephantjournal.com/now/how-to-practice-self-love-daily/

I pray a number of these exercises resonate with you. You don’t need to identify with all of them, but you should find the ones that do resonate with you and put them into practice.

Just do the best you can to be your best self every day and you will start seeing changes and start feeling better about yourself and the choices you are making.

If you would like to work together to focus on these, please contact us.

Namaste

The tapestry of life

Mar 13, 2018

Life is this intricate tapestry filled with many different patterns that ultimately take their own unique twists and turns to create the design, as you follow the tapestries threads from the back they look jumbled..tied together and knotted with no real purpose. However, when you turn the tapestry over, you see exactly what each thread was meant for, the tapestry is telling a story through its design.

Just like a tapestry, life has its unique thread pattern (the Journey) and we aren’t always sure why our Journey takes those crazy and unexpected turns nor are we always prepared for them but somehow we end up adjusting to them as we navigated through life. Some of these experiences are good, some bad, some straight up hellish, most are eventful and useful, and a majority are not worthy of noting. Rest assured, there is always a reason for them. This is the beauty of our Journey, the tapestry of life.

My life has not been a fairy tale story by any means, it has been crazy in more ways than I can ever share. I can honestly say there were times when I questioned my sanity as well as my decision making and I often wonder how I survived a lot of my experiences. There are moments where I look back and think, wow, I could have died or why I wasn’t scared? Hence my deep dive into Spirituality and Buddhism. I truly believe I belong here and am slowly learning my purpose.

In any event, I was fearless and restless..desperately wanting to experience life (and fear). I would hop on a train and travel 28 hours away knowing no one was there to get me when I got off the train and having no real plan once the train stopped. When I met my first husband, I knew him three weeks and moved to Florida with him, without a second thought. We lived in an all male dorm (he snuck me in), I shared a bathroom with 20+ men from all over the world (so gross) and barely knew my boyfriend. However as I look back and think…what was I thinking, my next thought is….I am so grateful for that amazing experience. I have many stories like this…being fearless and restless can put you in some unique situations.

Today, I am 45 and am fearful. I know too much now. I respect my life in a much different way than I did before. Maybe maturity changes us because but I am much more thoughtful when making life choices as I understand that I have much to lose by making bad decisions. I understand the concept of consequences.

It is now that I look back and think without these stories….what do we have? Without the crazy “I survived ______” stories or the dreadful dating stories, and the stories of the tough years and financial comebacks, what do we tell when we get older? However, I have now entered the second half of my life and although I want to create more good stories, I want them to be healthier ones.

I always say…when I am sitting in the nursing home reciting tales of my crazy life I will have some pretty incredible stories to tell. Stories of love and loss, recklessness, bad choices, great choices, good and bad moments, the people the experiences, even the smells and the sounds….this is really all we have, isn’t it?

So when you go on that bad date or you experience a crazy situation or hurdle through a tough time or significant loss know that this is all part of your story! Not only are you supposed to learn a lesson from it…you have a very cool story to tell. Stories of recovery, triumph, loss, happiness, sadness, grief and of course funny and happy stories.

Never settle for mediocre, never take the easy road, do something that makes you feel alive and always tell your story with passion.

Namaste

Grounding exercises to ease anxiety and the stress of daily life

Mar 6, 2018

Read this article in the Elephant Journal Magazine by clicking here: Grounding/Earthing

Life is busy.

Let’s face it, managing home, work, and family obligations is overwhelming and feels endless. We tirelessly manage to get through the day by ticking the boxes of our “to do” list until we eventually crawl into bed only to do it all over again the next day.

This type of lifestyle can cause us a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress. Our bodies are constantly in a state of fight or flight and we are maxing out our adrenal glands. This type of stress not only causes anxiety but insomnia, weight gain, heart issues and high blood pressure.

How do we handle this? My suggestion..in addition to self care techniques that you can find in my previous blogs (ex. How to practice self love daily) you need to implement a grounding or earthing practice to your daily routine.

Grounding is a technique that brings people back to the the present moment when they are in the midst of chaos. Grounding skills can be helpful with managing feelings of intense anxiety and can help people regain their mental focus after a traumatic event or anxiety induced state.

There are many proven ways to ground yourself. If you are in the midst of an anxiety attack and need to get “grounded” you can start by counting backwards either in your mind or out loud, this is actually a mental distraction and therefore takes the focus off the anxiety. Another wonderful and successful technique is to look around the room and name what you see “lamp, table, picture of my kids, 5 pens in a pencil holder, painting with a horse and a tree…whatever it is you see, call it out. This helps ground you into the present moment.

Some grounding techniques are actually referred to as “earthing” and like the name suggests, you literally become one with the earth by putting your body in direct and uninterrupted contact with the earth. This exercise requires that your skin touch the soil, sand, water, or a conductive surface that is in contact with the earth.

This can be mean dipping your toes in the sand at the beach, walking in nature, going for a hike deep in the forest, swimming in a lake or the ocean, planting seeds or replanting flowers and digging in the dirt or just walking through the grass barefoot. Earthing has a tremendous amount of health benefits, too many to mention in this article so I empower you to google “earthing” and “grounding”.

I have compiled a list below of my favorite grounding activities (more than one involves earthing):

Walking or hiking – walking is the simplest and most effective way to reduce anxiety. Walking at an even pace has a very calming effect. It can evoke mindfulness, clear your head of rapidly cycling thoughts and release stress. When walking (or hiking) in nature you will feel more relaxed and open during the walk. You can also take it one step further and meditate while you walk. Walks on the beach are amazingly therapeutic as well. The salt air and calming sound of the ocean is very grounding.
Yoga – specifically Hatha Yoga which is the simplest form of Asana’s (yoga postures) and pranayama (breathing techniques). Yoga is the soul practice of the body, mind and your spirit and brings you to a state of mindfulness. This technique can be done at home, for as practice as short or as long as you desire. I recommend at least 15 minutes for a session length although 30 is ideal.
Gardening – nothing connects you to the earth more than gardening. This is a fantastic example of earthing as your hands are completely immersed in the soil. Such a peaceful and mindful art and one that has so many benefits.
Journaling – keeps you in a state of mindfulness by helping to remove negative thoughts as well as organize those distracting racing thoughts. Getting your thoughts and ideas down on paper will help you clear your mind and enable you to to get to a peaceful state quickly. Organizing your thoughts also helps you to set and ultimately obtain goals in a more efficient way.
Arts/Crafts/Creativity – being creative by using your imagination and putting ideas into action is a very grounding activity that also has a beneficial and tangible outcome.

Whatever practice you choose, immerse yourself in it. Bask in the moment of the activity and when you find your mind start to drift and your thoughts beginning to wander…bring yourself back to the moment. Feel the earth as you put your hands in the dirt, walk across the grass or stick your toes in the sand. To ground yourself even further, describe out loud how it feels. Describing it makes it feel real.

I love walking barefoot in the grass on a chilly summer morning after it has rained and the grass is wet with dew. The feeling is magical and reminds me of childhood. Remember being a child and running through the sprinkler? Wasn’t that magical?

Even as adults we can create magical moments that make us feel like children again. The wonderment, the joy and the peace we felt when we were riding our bikes and the wind blew through our hair, or doing summer-salts on a warm summer day with the sun beaming down on us. How about that moment when you take that first lick of an ice cream cone.

Those moments are priceless.

We can have those now, as adults, we just have to create them. We live in a world of chaos and instant gratification. It is our commitment to ourselves to take a step back and slow things down so we can enjoy every single moment, because right now is all we have.

So I empower you to try at least one of these amazing techniques to help ground you and live in each moment as it comes. It isn’t easy, but over time, it will become easier.

Namaste’

Peace…love…health…always!

As always, if you are ready to embark on your new Journey of self care, self love, and mindfulness Contact Us

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Gentle

Mar 4, 2018

Gentle is a fantastic word that I feel embraces the magical side of vulnerability.

Gentle….implies patience, grace and class.

Being gentle with yourself means you are honoring where you are…at this moment…without judgment. Simply allowing yourself to feel your feelings.

When you honor yourself and are gentle with yourself you are giving yourself permission to just be. Allowing yourself to be in that moment and feel your feelings truly opens up your soul to healing and your mind to information that can help you on your Journey.

When you judge yourself you are boxing yourself into a space of shame & disappointment with “should have’s” and personal regrets that do not serve a purpose. The goal of life is to learn the lesson and move on, gracefully. Forgiving yourself along the way.

Know that you are exactly where you need to be, always. Simply be & ask yourself what you need at this very moment…love, space, help, advice? Then honor yourself with whatever it is you need and do not shame yourself for feeling and needing, it is all part of the healing process and critical to your development.

Today, at every moment, be gentle with and honor yourself.

Remember, enjoy today, because tomorrow is not promised.